A couple months ago a Leather Sir contacted (cruised) me on recon.com. W/we messaged back and forth for a couple weeks and made a date to play after extensive dialogue about preferred activities, & soft… More
This past weekend i went to a well known gay resort in Orlando where gay men gather, sun bathe, party, cruise and have lots of sex. i only cruised for sex!
Saturday night i met five…yes, five men. And i would say none were particularly good at sex.
#1, a guy from Tennessee came as soon as we laid down naked on the bed with me giving him just a little manual stimulation. That was a shame cuz i thought he was going to be fun. He was embarrassed. We talked a short time and he left.
#2, a Latino man of very few words only wanted his big uncut dick sucked. He came, said thank you, and left.
#3, a Latino man who spoke little English immediately requested a condom, which i surprisingly did not have. So he kept saying, “no, don’t touch.” No oral. No kissing. He opted for frottage with me face down and him humping my back. He came. i asked him in Spanish if he had a wife and what was his name. As he left he said my Spanish was good.
#4, a young white guy too drunk but bearish and cute, so i let him in. i asked what he wanted as he came in, and he said, “you!” He stumbled around taking his clothes off. Then got on his knees, head down, butt up on the bed wanting me, i suppose, to fuck him. Well, being a bottom boy, not having a condom, and him really drunk i decided just to rim his ass. Then he fell onto his side so i sucked his dick. He suddenly jumped up, got dressed hurriedly and left my room without a word.
#5, was actually at 4:00 am Sunday morning. A white guy, full beard, tatted up, and quite gregarious. He came the closest to actually having sex/making love with me. We kissed, caressed, i stroked his sexy, soft beard. Sucked his dick. Then, he wanted to fuck me. i really wanted it too. But, my history of radiation resulting in anal scar tissue prevented me from being penetrated. It caused horrible pain just to have his dick head inside. Every thrust to go deeper felt like a huge red hot fire poker being jammed in my ass. So, he gave up and wanted me to grasp his cock tightly with both hands and rapidly and almost violently masturbate him. That was the only way he could cum. Then, he gave me a song and dance story: war veteran, horrible childhood, down on his luck, and the person who brought him there had deserted him. He had no way home. Could i possibly give him $$$ for Uber back to where he was staying. Of course i gave him money. Was it payment for sex? Was it just a monetary transaction not having anything to do with the sex? After he left i used a towel to remove the lube, and was surprised to see blood on it from him trying to fuck me.
Y/you might have noticed in my discussion of each scenario i never mentioned my dick being touched, or sucked. Or that i ever came. And the only reason i was going to get fucked is because that’s how he wanted to get off. It had nothing to do with meeting my sexual needs.
What happened to fore play? What happened to give and take? What happened to taking care of your partner’s needs as well as Y/your own?
Being a sub i understand my role in a D/s scene, but these were vanilla sex encounters. i suppose next time i will need to take care of my needs – take matters in my own hands as it were, while i am working to satisfy my partner(s).
Maybe someday i will find a regular FB who cares about my erection and orgasm as much as His own! Wish me luck.
Thanks for reading,
Hurricane Irma, FUCK YOU BITCH!
We in Florida can use Y/your prayers during this catastrophic storm. Thank you,
i never thought of myself as a masochist until fairly recently. i really didn’t, and don’t, enjoy the pain i experience daily from arthritis. Those pains are a nuisance and have no intrinsic value. They are there to challenge my life and my resolve every minute of every day. But chosen, inflicted sensual pain is another whole kettle o fish as they use to say.
We’ve most likely all had a hang nail that we had to pull out, or a splinter, a scrape, cut, burn or bruise from an accident around the house. Those things hurt like the dickins. And it wasn’t a good pain.
But, put on some leather, dim the lights and bring out the whips, chains, clamps, and floggers, and we’re having a party. Safe, sane, consensual AND sensual pain i believe releases endorphins that cause the pain to be experienced positively, sensually, and erotically BY SOME PEOPLE.
It turns me the fuck on!!
But most people I would venture to say would argue that any pain during sex is a total turn off/deal breaker/end of the date occurrence.
And to be fair we have to acknowledge that many people have experienced painful traumatic events in their lives whether it was physical, emotional or psychological. That definitely could effect a person’s perception of pain inflicted with erotic intention.
That is why GOOD effective communication before playing is essential. You as the Dom don’t want to be in a scene with someone who has a total meltdown or freak out with that first hard slap on the ass. You need to know beforehand if the sub has ANY issues related to pain, or even to bondage or being restrained.
i mentioned my chronic pain. Well, erotic pain inflicted in a BDSM scene or simple play session for me is a diversion, a redirection of my attention from my chronic pain and giving me, even briefly, the experience of an intense, highly sensual escape from my day-to-day pain and giving me a mind blowing orgasm.
But, i can be a wuss! At this point i don’t have enough experience to know how much i can take before the erotic pain turns into an “ouch bitch that hurts – Stop!” The one time i needed to call Red, my safe word, all i could scream to to electro malfunction was “Ouchhhh, stop, stop, stop, that hurts!” It probably wasn’t the words that evoked His rapid response but more likely my pulling against the restraints with a force reminiscent of King Kong trying to break free from captivity in that scene from the movie where he is on the stage in New York. Man, that was some major pain.
i tend more toward impact play now, and TT, CBT, hot wax, sounds, ws, bondage, and growing interest in edgier play as long as there is some component of erotic pain included, i am game!
So now i proudly proclaim that i, boy stray, am a masochist.
Give me pain, Glorious Pain!
Thanks for reading,
This article was borrowed from a recent Tumblr posting.
Pup Play FAQ
The past several months I’ve had individuals contact me regarding what pup play is from my perspective, and to ask for more resources. Instead of typing it out every time and trying to find the resources I have, I’m just putting it on here so I can share it easily. If someone thinks something should be added/changed/fixed, let me know. I’d rather be corrected so the info on here is reliable and available.
So what is Pup play:
The short answer:
It’s exactly as it sounds. Someone wanting to play the role of (role play) a puppy: on all fours, wagging, barking, playing with toys, eating out of dog bowls, etc.
The longer answer:
Pup play is a form of pet play (animal role play), where an individual wants to take on the role of a puppy dog. This is done by role-playing a puppy, mimicking mannerisms: barking, wagging, begging, playing with toys, sniffing/licking things, eating out of bowls, etc.; for fun.
In the end it’s a fun release, getting into a shift in headspace, and only focusing about what is happening right now. Not what happened earlier, or what will come. Just being a pup in the here and now. That headspace is all about trying to think like a dog and rely more on instinct rather than the complexities of human thought and aspirations.
What pup play is not:
First and foremost, pup play is not about bestiality – no sexual activity involving real bio (biological) dogs. Pup play is also not about humiliation. Most pups do not get into pup for the humiliation factor. They get into pup because it’s fun and a great release. However, while someone may be a pup, they may also be part of, or like other kinks, fetishes, and communities as well. Finally, pup play is not just about sex. While pup play can be a sex positive experience, where the subject of sex is not looked down on. Sex is not the sole purpose of pet play or pup play. It just depends on the nature of the relationship with the pup and/or any other parties involved.
Below are a few terms that are used within the pup community. I’ve noticed that some people define these differently, this is just my own generic definitions:
Pup – A person acting the part of a puppy within pup-play.
Alpha – A pup who is a leader in a pack or over other pup(s). This is normally a leadership/guidance role.
Owner – Someone who owns a pup or a pack (multiple pups).
Handler – Someone who is handling a pup on a leash.
PAH – (Puppy and Handler) Is normally a regional/local group specifically for human puppies, handlers, and those interested in pup play.
Biopup/Biodog – Refers to an actual biological dog.
Headspace (pup-space or pupping out) – Is the carefree mental state that happens when in pup play. It’s focusing on living in the moment, and acting with your surroundings on instinct, like a dog would. Putting your own thoughts, fears, ambitions, etc. aside for a time.
Moshing – A puppy mosh, mosh pit, or just mosh, is normally when a group of pups get together and pup out. Most of the time it’s done in a specific area (roped off or matted) for the sole purpose of pupping out.
There are other terms out there and definitions. I suggest reading other resources to learn more about them and/or how others define those terms. There are other resources at the end of this.
Is any gear required to get started:
No, being a pup requires no gear. It’s a mental state and purely up to the individual on how they want to pup. I do recommend at least some basic safety gear for comfort. Mainly due to being on all fours on the floor, they can either be hard on your knuckles and knees, or can give you rug burn, depending on the surfaces you are crawling around on. Some basic knee pads and cheap MMA practice mitts make perfect gear to start out with. But, while I recommend some gear for comfort, I want to repeat this. Gear is never required to be a pup. Below are a few other things you can look at.
Collars – I’ve seen two forms of thought on it. Some say pups should wear a collar and their owner/alpha/handler will give them tags. Others say collars should be given by an owner/alpha/handler. Personally, if a collar will help you get into headspace, go for it! In the end if you get a cheap collar and your owner/alpha/handler wants to give you a more expensive collar and/or tags, you can always switch to using theirs. Again, no one is making the rules on this except you.
Toys – Toys can really make pupping out fun, even by yourself. Think of a real puppy and them playing with chew toys. They can entertain themselves for a long while. Just keep it simple and cheap, soft chew toys are all you need. Though I caution playing with hard chew toys (rawhide, hard plastic, etc.). Human teeth are not the same as bio dog teeth.
Hoods/Muzzles – Hoods and muzzles are good to help a pup get into headspace. They also afford a pup the security of anonymity, which can help a pup when in public places. It also helps a pup look more the part, which again, helps with getting into that puppy headspace; but, by no means required. If starting out, there are cheap options out there, you don’t have to drop $150-230+ on a hood if you are not sure pup-play is your thing.
Any other gear that is out there is there for aesthetic purposes. It can help pups get more into that pup headspace. But, again, it is not required. When starting out, I suggest going cheap. Don’t invest into something you are just going to try out if you are not sure this is something you are going stick with. You can get cheap mitts, kneepads, collar, toys, and a hood/mask for under to around $100. If it’s something after a time, you enjoy, you can always invest and upgrade to better gear.
How do I get started:
A lot of times, starting out, people over think it. Try dropping down on all fours and sniffing around, viewing your surrounds on all fours, and starting to think like a puppy. You might want to get on YouTube and watch some videos on how puppies/dogs act. Or, read the numerous dog training resources that are out there on the internet to get some background on training puppies/dogs to give you better insight on how puppies/dogs behave.
Choosing a puppy name and or breed:
Choosing a name is purely up to the individual and or owner/pup relationship. Names can always be changed to best suit a pup. So if you choose a name and get an owner who changes it to something more suiting, nothing is wrong with that. Again, pup is purely defined on your terms.
Breed is the same way; it’s purely up to the pups’ discretion as to what breed they choose if one at all. Let me be clear, you do not need to have a breed to be a pup. It’s just flavor, a bit of color to the experience. If you are looking into a breed, look at the traits certain breeds have, that align closely with how you feel. And, you don’t have to pick a breed due to your body type. I know a huge guy that looks like a linebacker 6’+ tall, that’s a Chihuahua. I know a very small guy who’s a St. Bernard. It’s just flavor to help you identify more as a pup.
Take this and any other resource with a grain of salt. There is no right or wrong way to be a pup. There isn’t a rule book that states there is a specific way to do something, or set standards that has to be followed – other than common sense. These are just my answers. This and all other resources are just guides to help you. I can’t stress this enough, however you pup, so long as you are happy and comfortable, go for it.
And, I wholeheartedly suggest getting out and involved with a Puppy or PAH (puppy and handlers) group in your area. You can read all you like, but actually interacting with other pups in the community, you gain a wealth of knowledge by actually participating. You may also want to look at your local Leather/BDSM community, which is normally pretty accepting of puppy play and will have resources for you to help you out.
Below are other resources on puppy 101 – beginning stuff to read into. I highly recommend reading these resources and any others out there to get ideas to figure out how you want to pup.
Resources on pup play:
Other online guides, sites, and books:
Woof! – Perspectives into the Erotic Care & Training of the Human Dog
Puppy 101 by Papa Woof Roth – Pup
Puppy Moshing 101 by Papa Woof Roth – Pup
Puppy 101 NEPUPS
Azure-Chaos – Caring for your Human-Pup
International Puppy Contest
Puppy Bill of Rights
Wikipedia – Animal Roleplay
Online Forums on Pup-Play:
Puppy 101 Facebook page
Pup Zone – For guys into dog/pup roleplay
The Kennel – A Social Network for Human Pups and Their Masters
The Happy Pup – Gpup’s Puppy Play & Pup Play Gear Guide
Info on Pup play and Pup play Gear
Mr. S Leather
Look under the puppy section on the left menu.
Great handmade masks without breaking your budget. The owner will work with you to create a mask custom for you.
Rubber Dawg – Custom rubber hoods
The Well Kept Pet – Custom Leather Pet Play Masks
Dog House Leathers
The link is to their “Puppy Stuff” page
Has a lot of kinky stuff on their site, including a pup play section, as well as a pony play section
Now go out and get your puppy on…
Thanks for reading,
If memory serves me correctly over the last ten months i wrote about my dalliances into possible romantic and/or BDSM connected relationships. None has panned out i thought primarily because they were long distance romances. It is extremely difficult to keep a long distance relationship going without a strong commitment, openness, honesty, and having interests in common.
Recently the sucker (me) was being reeled in once again until i remembered similar words and phrases not typically said by American or for that matter British men in an online context. i had enjoyed being contacted on recon.com by the handsome middle aged man in San Francisco who found me attractive and my profile enticing. Then, several days and several texts later, i read, "dear, I've missed you dear". This was very similar to the phrasing my last Nigerian?? scammer used. So, i immediately blocked and reported the person to recon.com.
Since this has happened more than once i think my forehead and profile must have a sign reading, "sucker available". And i am not implying the good kind of sucker…a cocksucker.
So, why does this keep happening? i suppose i should just chalk it up to the thousands of professional online scammers out there preying on the lovelorn, and the seemingly desperate older love seekers. They know what to say, how to compliment, how to get the victim to talk about themselves while sharing little information about themselves. After a couple weeks of stringing the victim, the patsy, along, the scammer asks for a relatively small amount of money for something extremely important. If the patsy sends the money, they will likely send even more as they are strung along.
Red flags that Y/you May Be the Target of a Scam:
- Stilted English used by the person in text
- Incorrect use or inaccurate stating of idioms
- Using terms of endearment very quickly such as "dear"
- Quickly professing love to Y/you
- Offering many compliments
- Conversation that is actually superficial – lacks depth and equal amounts of personal sharing
- No response to specific questions Y/you might ask someone with whom Y/you are seeking a Relationship
- Requests for a new picture be taken at a well known site in their city will be ignored or another pic of the person they are representing themselves to be will be stolen from the Internet
- They will ask for money and only Y/you can help them with this problem or situation
- They suddenly cut off communication if questioned or the money is not sent
Look for these clues with every strange new person who contacts Y/you on a dating or hookup site.
Be safe, don't be a victim –
Thanks for reading,
Ten Rules for Dominants / Ten Rules for Submissives
from the Society of Janus: http://www.soj.org/
The author of these two article is unknown. They have appeared in an early issue of Growing Pains, the Eulenspiegal Society's Prometheus magazine, and the July, 1980 Growing Pains. A representative of the Society of Janus has attributed ownership to SOJ — http://www.soj.org/ — but was unable to identify the author.
Ten Rules for Dominants
Ten Rules for Submissives
Until you enter into a contract with a submissive, you have no more right to order him/her around than does anyone else. Give you bottom time to get to know you and what you like. Finesse and subtlety are major elements of dominance. Similarly, strength and gentleness go hand in hand. The sensitivity and awareness (or lack thereof) that you show in the real world is likely to be repeated in the playroom.
A potential top will let you know if she or he is interested in you or not. Keep in mind that your purpose as a submissive is to serve and to satisfy someone who will take into consideration the realization of your fantasies. Don't expect your top to be able to turn on like a light switch. The timing must be right for both of you.
You may be God's/Goddess' gift to the world, but no one needs to hear it or wants to hear it. You will have ample opportunities to show how good you are – and plenty of opportunities to make a fool of yourself. No matter what you claim, the "real you" will show through in a scene. Don't set yourself up for a failure by developing expectations that you know you can never reach.
You may be God's or Goddess' gift to the world and the most sought after prize in town, but no one needs to hear it or wants to hear it. You will have ample opportunity to show how good you are. No matter what you claim, the "real you" will show through in a scene. Don't set yourself up for failure by developing expectations that you know you and your top can never reach.
Although the top is classically considered to be the teacher in SM, you can always learn from your bottom, no matter how inexperienced. Be willing to learn from other dominants who may have a totally different perspective from yours. Try to approach by-now-familiar trips with an attitude of wonderment and discovery. Be aware that everyone has her or his own personal style.
You can learn something about SM and about yourself from everyone into the scene, no matter how experienced or inexperienced they are, or how dominant or submissive they are. SM is a very personal art, and an "I already know it all" attitude will make you miss valuable SM lessons and experiences, and ignore potentially valuable SM friends.
You are responsible for finding out basic, essential information about the people you play with, such as experience, limits, likes and dislikes, and health information. Playing SM without this knowledge is like Russian Roulette. Talk about your head-space and you review of SM with your bottom, so that any uncertainties can be dealt with before you start playing. Clearly spell out roles, rules, limits and contracts. Do not take for granted that your bottom instinctively knows the ground rules.
Verbalization is necessary, but at the appropriate time and in the appropriate way. Your top needs to know basic information about you, such as experiences, fantasies, health concerns, and turn-offs. But -unless it's an emergency – wait until your top asks. Don't expect your dominant to be a mind-reader instinctively knows your needs, wants, and limits. Your cooperation will enhance the scene for both of you.
If you lack experience in an area that your bottom would like to experiment with, be honest about it. Your partner has a right to know that. Be honest with yourself and take your submissive only to those levels at which you are completely in control of the situation. Safety should always be the first concern, taking priority over how hot a particular scene is.
Don't be afraid to share your needs and fantasies. Your dominant expects it. Honesty about your wants, health concerns, and turn-offs is essential to a good scene. Lying or being less than candid can only lead to problems, as the top will base the scene on inaccurate information. Besides causing problems, it can be dangerous.
There's a very fine line between a sensitive, caring dominate and a self-righteous, insensitive overbearing clod. Your scene should be a creative synthesis of you needs and fantasies, and your bottoms needs and fantasies. Although, on the surface, your submissive is serving you, what actually is happening is that dominant and submissive are serving each other. Earn the complete trust of your submissive and never violate or even threaten to violate that trust. His or her submission is a gift to you. Use it appropriately.
Your scene is a two-way street. It is not just the physical realization of your prior fantasies. If you want to limit your experience to certain physical and psychological stimulation, then contract with your top ahead of time. But don't always expect your top to be a puppet in a fantasy play you've written in your head. It's far better to let your top surprise you, to extend your limits, to take you to places you're never been before. When you trust your top completely, let her or him know it, and let him or her guide you into new fantasies.
End the scene with the bottom wanting more, not wishing there had been less. Remember that power, control, and sensitivity are the keys, no just the intensity of the stimulation. Be clear about what is fantasy, and has little to do with what works in practice. Your favorite porno picture books may be stimulating in themselves, but don¹t try to imitate them to the last detail.
Your dominant is human, and even the most experienced tops have moments of awkwardness and indecision. Don't call attention to what you perceive as a lapse. Know the difference between reality and the fantasy world you see in books and magazines. Few tops are rich enough to afford a large dungeon with a lavish layout of equipment…Your top's equipment is expensive – respect it and don't abuse it.
Be Really Dominant
Submissives are looking for someone who will take over their body and mind, not just for brute strength. Real people are wanted, not just cardboard images from ads or stereotypes. Your dominance enhances you whole existence. It does not cover up or substitute for other areas of your life – it is you. Make your submissive fall in love with you, and expect them to give themselves up to you totally. Follow up on rules, expect obedience, and punish appropriately when it is called for. Don¹t shirk your responsibility to your bottom or to your sister/fellow tops. Be dependable and expect dependability. You have agreed to take the dominant role – now take it!
Be Really Submissive
This is the whole point. Let your dominant take you over completely. Don't coach or second guess or be critical of your top. Exchange information on your special needs before the scene starts, but once it starts be quiet! If you insist on running a scene to your own specifications, then you should try being a top. You have agreedto limitations of your own power. Stay within those limitations. Respect and obey your top and expect punishment if you don't. Accept it gracefully and cheerfully. Your top has many things to be concerned with, including your safety and what turns you on. Be loyal and dependable and enjoy your role.
Like any strenuous activity, SM requires that its participants be in top physical and emotional health. Many factors, including the amount you sleep, your eating habits, your alcohol and drug intake affect your performance and endurance during a scene. Don¹t attempt to do SM when your physical or emotional energy is low. As a dominant you have a special responsibility to be in control of yourself and on top of the scene. An attitude of ³drugs and alcohol don¹t affect me that much…I can do it anyway² violates your submissive¹s trust in you and can be dangerous. If you don¹t want to accept the responsibilities, you shouldn¹t be playing the game!
SM, like any strenuous activity, requires that its participants – both active and passive – be in top physical and emotional health. The amount you sleep, your eating habits, your alcohol and drug intake, and everyday stress affect your response and endurance during a scene. Your dominant needs to know when your physical or emotional energy is low. No matter how tempting a scene sounds, an "I want it all now" attitude when you aren't able to give your all will leave both of you feeling let down. You serve your dominant and yourself by staying healthy.
After all, sex is all about having a good time. You have earned, and you are entitled to the unique, intense pleasures which come from responsible, creative SM play.
After all, sex is all about having a good time. You have earned and you are entitled to the unique, intense pleasure which comes from responsible, creative SM play.
i found this article and many more pages of information and articles about BDSM at http://www.evilmonk.org
i highly recommend perusing this wonderfully informative website.
Thank you for reading,
Still waters run deep is a saying i have heard since i was a young fellow – maybe early teens. In the weeks since i last posted many things began swirling in my mind and body. i realize that on the surface I tend to appear calm, peaceful, passive and shy, but my true spirit runs deep in my soul.
i noticed that without a Dom Leather BDSM life can be downright boring if not nonexistent. i have tried to keep a connection online through FetLife, the Leather Kink site Recon.com, and even on the site Adam4Adam.com which occasionally has some kinky men online. i wear my leather wrist band all the time except showering or doing dishes. It’s a constant reminder of who i am, and where i want to be.
my therapist keeps hitting me with the earth shaking idea of separating from my partner of many, many years. He keeps pointing out the codependent nature of the relationship, the subtle yet harmful ways the partner’s actions and inactions could be considered domestic abuse even though there has never been physical abuse. It tends more toward emotional, psychological, and financial. The codependent in me will not let me make that leap even though it would probably be for the best. So, the therapist wants me to fill out a grid with the pros and cons of leaving on top and the pros and cons of not leaving on bottom. This is supposed to open my eyes wide enough to leap out of the marriage. But, i will likely remain in my dungeon of despair no matter what the grid shows.
Still waters run deep…i keep everything suppressed. Thoughts, feelings, desires, dreams, fears, everything is smushed down and is held back with a giant valve. Infrequently it lets off a bit of steam through bursts of anger, sarcasm, tears, or depression. Then the valve gets tightened even more. Some days i feel my head might explode because i am living a lie and lying to live peacefully. i lie so much i don’t even know who knows what parts of me and my story are true — except you, my readers.
i long to live a life in leather. To be collared. To be an open, proud submissive. To date, to cruise, to go out when i want to, to have sex when I want to, to have the friends i want to have, to invite my Leather friends to my house whenever i want to, to spend or save money the way i want/need to, to be able to be a nudist in my own home, to get an erotic massage occasionally, and just to masturbate when, how, and where i want to, and to eat when, where and what i want to. Sounds simple, doesn’t it?
Although i don’t see me having a big breakup scene, or just leaving unannounced someday i am working toward becoming a stronger person and taking a stand against the strong, but subtle control he has on me. Only time and a stronger ego can tell what may happen.
On a lighter, happier note i hired a Life Coach. He is helping me set goals for my life, working with me to potentially enter a career that will not tax me physically. He is holding me accountable to the goals we set at each call. i am moving toward a career in Life Coaching as well. Many coaches work via telephone or Skype or even Zoom conference rooms, so there would be no need for an office, or to commute or to hold a routine 8-5 schedule every day. i am taking a course to become certified and hope to begin working as a coach in the next month or so. Hope i get loads of Leatherfolk as clients! i highly recommend Life Coaching if you are stuck in some aspect of your life.
Thanks for reading,
Two events. A week apart. A year has flown by. Yet for each person who had a loved one murdered at the Pulse Nightclub on June 12, 2016 each day likely felt an eternity during this one year. my husband and i attended the Unity Rally in Fort Lauderdale on June 11th. The attendance was good…but nowhere near what it should have been. The usual political speeches and ecumenical representation by various religions and denominations. The most gut wrenching, emotional moments came for me when 49 volunteers walked out each one holding overhead a picture of a Pulse shooting victim. So very sad!
The following Saturday was the annual Stonewall Pride Day and Parade. The weather, while hot, was at least not scorchingly oppressive and the rain held off. Both pluses in my book. Again I thought attendance was marginally okay, but, and maybe it’s me, but it didn’t seem raucously, outrageously, overwhelmingly fun this year. Everyone seemed well behaved, descently dressed, and drinking in moderation. There were no well known performers advertised. The Grand Marshall of the parade was the lovely Sharon Gless, a famous actress from Queer as Folk & Cagney and Lacey.
So two events. A week apart. One a day of sadness, anger, and calls for justice. The second a day of joy and celebration for the current freedoms we enjoy, and calls to action to RESIST those efforts to take away our rights, and to fight against those who threaten us or seek to intimidate us. Or even brutalize us. We will not be silent. We will resist!
i have low T – low Testosterone levels.
Testosterone is a male sex hormone that is produced in the testes. It is responsible for giving men their secondary sex characteristics, like hair under the arms, pubic hair, facial hair, etc. It also allows men to increase muscle mass & develop semen. It increases a man’s pride and self esteem. And it counters depression and erectile dysfunction.
For many years i have used topical testosterone replacement therapy. First, there was a cloth patch that had to be placed on the scrotum for the medication to be absorbed. Then, there was one you rubbed on Y/your stomach and let dry before dressing. Then, i was switched to a newer one that was applied under the arms. It was a thin liquid pumped into a rubber cup provided in the top. The order was for one pump under each arm. Well, i thought if one pump was good, three would be better. So, i was taking three pumps under each arm for about four or five years. But man was it messy!
However, i regrew hair under my arms! Hallelujah! i was ecstatic. i finally was feeling like a real man again. But, my dick was getting weaker, and less firm with each passing year. Loss of muscle mass. Changes in mood. Changes in self esteem. Low sex drive. But the limp dick was the thing that makes me cry! i was always driven by my dick. i got hard if the wind blow a certain way or if a hot man just touched me or even gave me “the look”.
i cycled through all the ED pills. Vitamin V/the blue pill/Viagra worked the best. Cialis gave me excruciatingly painful backaches. i wasn’t able to sit or lay down. i could only stand, but even then the pain remained intense and unrelieved by even the strongest pain medication. Then, the pills stopped working. I graduated, unfortunately, to TriMix injections. For those of you unfamiliar with that, it is a shot that you give yourself in your dick! You aim straight in to the side at the base, inject, and Voila in a couple minutes you have a nice hard dick. Downside – you have to know you are about to have sex; you have to stop foreplay to get, prepare and inject the shot, and then, you have about one hour before time runs out and deflation sets in. And as with the pills if the erection lasts more than four hours you must see a doctor immediately to obtain treatment to prevent possible permanent injury to your dick.
ED causes depression, low self esteem, and in my case decreased feeling of manhood/masculinity, insecurities, decreased feeling of attractiveness. Even as i write this i get tears in my eyes. It causes great sadness. Gay Men DO NOT want people especially other men to know they “can’t get it up.” I had sex twice (with different guys) where my shot only produced a bright red chubby. No hardon! Both guys said, “I wish you could get hard!” That only put more pressure and insecurity and embarrassment on me.
i told my urologist i occasionally get nocturnal wood (nighttime erections), but not when i need one. So, he thought there was a psychological component to the ED. i saw a sex therapist. No hardon! i got erotic massages. No hardon! i went to sexual workshops, including the BDSM one written about in a previous post. No hardon! i sought out a Sacred Intimate to work with me on the problem. No hardon! i went to a few ED doctor’s offices to learn about the Priapus shot. Too expensive!
i turned to a men’s clinic that treats ED and low T. One of them injects small pellets of testosterone that slowly absorbs over four to five months. The other just did shots in the butt. Both were very expensive! However, the second one i went to did an in office testosterone level. It came back at 35. Normal is 250 to 1100. He said it was the lowest he’d ever seen.
So, i turned to my HIV doctor. He repeated the testosterone level. This time it was 56. i immediately started Testosterone Cypionate 100 mg IM to be administered weekly. Funny thing, within 20 minutes of getting the shot i developed two itchy welts on my arm and one on my thigh. i called the doctor’s office and left a message. But, before I could take Benadryl they were gone. Maybe a reaction to the cottonseed oil it is mixed in. We’ll see if i have anaphylaxis on Thursday. Still no hardon!
i think that is the whole reason i didn’t enjoy my free weekend.
If you learn only one thing from my story it should be to Get Y/your testosterone level checked especially if you are over forty years old.
Thanks for reading, and wish me luck on Thursday
my husband is out of town with friends enjoying a huge gay annual event (Gay Days in Orlando) filled with sun, pool parties, evening activities, concerts, and yes, probably lots of sex!!
But i am fine with that. In fact i encouraged him to go so i could have some free time to go out and immerse myself into the Leather BDSM and Kink community. And maybe, just maybe, i will hookup with a Dom for a play scene.
my first free night was Thursday. i planned my night, cleaned up – inside and out – just in case, and dressed in nice jeans, leather themed black tee shirt, and my leather bar vest.
Uber got me to the bar between 9:30 and 10 pm. i know…kinda early, but it was a school/work night. i thought men would be out early. The bar’s theme night was a “bulge” contest at midnight. Surely i could moderate my drinking, cruise hot leather men, and socialize till the contest began.
As i walked into the Ramrod i saw the bar was sparsely populated, but there was a cute “Bear” seated across the bar. He gave me The Look! So i situated myself a couple seats from him and ordered a beer.
He was a BIG talker. He was a bottom. He said he wanted to suck my dick and have me spank him. He was really drunk. He did buy me a beer and a shot of bourbon. Then, he suddenly leaned/fell toward me and stuck his tongue in my mouth. Hmm. What to do? Am i desperate?
Then, his partner arrived and i took the opportunity to hurriedly excuse myself.
Friday night i pondered three choices. i thought of going to a kind of fun, but seedy neighborhood bar, or to the a gay men’s sex club, or to a bathhouse catering to more mature men. Friday was all about getting laid!
So, i ended up watching the last two episodes of The Amazing Race on Cable that i had missed. And i was in bed by 11:30 pm.
i started writing this post this morning, Saturday, 6/3/17, which will likely show as the post date. However, i have two more free nights of planned debauchery.
Tonight there is an extremely popular monthly themed party at the Leather bar, The Ramrod, called Pig Dance. i AM going! i AM going! i will have to take a bar nap this afternoon so i am not to tired to go. But, i AM going! That’s my mantra for today.
The last Pig Dance i attended a few months ago had hundreds of hot men in all manner of dress and undress – from full Leather down to just a jock and boots. They were all ages probably 20 to 80s, bears and twinks, hairy and smooth. It was a smorgasbord of man meat.
i have no doubt the bar will again be packed to the rafters and even spilling out into the rear patio and the front parking lot. It’s a dizzying aroma of sweat, male sex pheromones, booze, and cigarette & cigar smoke. And the cacophony of thumping music and loud conversations will be deafening. But what fun. The atmosphere is highly sexual and energizing.
i went! It was crowded and loud and smoky. It was everything I expected. But, i, i, was so uncomfortable in my own skin, in my own Leather, that i had one beer, walked around once and left about thirty minutes later. Then, i took Uber to another bar, a small neighborhood bar, but it is actually situated in a commercial area. It was busy. When i walked in all the guys turned to see the new meat arrival. i was cruised by a couple guys, but again i was bored and went home after about forty five minutes.
my mood and self esteem were low. i wasn’t really sure i wanted to go out and probably shouldn’t have. But, to counter the loneliness and insecurity I could have/should have asked one of my buddies to go with me. But i didn’t!
Those little tapes that play over and over in our heads sure can fuck up an otherwise great time.
Sunday was my Leather boy’s club meeting. i went and was upbeat and talkative. Short meeting. A couple of us went for a drink. Enjoyed myself. i thought i might go to a sex club Sunday night but didn’t – i shall tell Y/you why in my next post!
Sorry to be a Debbie-downer this post.
Thanks for reading,
Reposted and edited with permission from the Blog bdsmforvanillas written by thesexresearcher. Thank you!
When you get a new submissive, one of the things you can do to ensure that things run smoothly is to create a set of rules. Rules must be adapted to each individual D/s relationship, but here are a bunch of rules you can choose from or use as inspiration.
- The submissive shall not lie.
- The submissive shall NOT consider “Nothing” as an appropriate response to “What’s wrong?”
- The submissive shall be respectful at all times
- The submissive shall not manipulate Dominant, or any situation, in order to achieve their own personal objectives.
- The submissive must wear their “collar” at all times.
- The submissive’s clothing is subject to the inspection and approval of Dominant.
- The submissive shall execute and complete all requests made by Dominant in the manner and time frame they set forth, and agreed upon by the submissive.
- The submissive shall discuss with Dominant all decisions of any significance.
- The submissive shall submit a journal entry to Dominant each day.
- The submissive shall not fear discipline from any matters contained in their journal.
- The submissive is always to act in a manner that reflects positively upon their Dominant.
- The submissive shall not misuse their safe word. It is appropriately used only at times in which they feel their personal safety, either physical or mental (including fear), is compromised.
- The submissive shall refrain from using profane language at all times.
- The submissive shall always make physical or eye contact with Dominant when Dominant enters a room.
- The submissive must let Dominant take care of them.
- Before leaving home every day, submissive must be wearing an item of ownership.
- Each morning, sub will write Dom’s name somewhere on sub’s body. Condition – If they are together, Dom will write their name on sub’s body each morning.
- Each evening, sub must write an e-mail to Dom describing in detail everything that they plan to wear the following day. Or if together, then let them pick out your outfit. Must include: undergarments, outfit, jewelry, perfume.
- Every day after work, when female sub changes out of her work clothes, she must insert the Ben Wa balls into her pussy and wear them until bedtime. She must wear the ben wa balls for all social, exercise, yoga or work out activities.
- Every night submissive must masturbate.
- Submissive will adhere to any preference Dominant might have regarding whether they shower or take a bath.
- Submissive will adhere to any preference Dominant might have regarding whether they bathe or shower at night or in the morning.
- Submissive will also adhere to any preference Dominant has to which body lotion or perfume they use after they bathe/shower.
- The submissive will attempt to avoid disease. Should any medical issue arise, the submissive will inform Dominant immediately.
- The submissive must brush and floss teeth daily.
- Hair must be groomed each day.
- Submissive must exercise for a minimum of 30 minutes each day.
- Submissive must thank Dominant cheerfully
- Submissive will never hide their feelings or thoughts from Dominant.
- Submissive will apologize whenever they have erred.
- Submissive will never hide their tears from Dominant.
- Submissive will not borrow trouble and will not worry about things that are out of their control.
- Submissive will accept all punishments, knowing they are out of care and/or love.
- Submissive will never (or rarely) speak badly of themselves, or there will be consequences.
- Submissive will go to therapy, take medicine, or whatever the Dominant says if they have mental issues like anxiety or depression.
- Submissive will send a “good morning” text to let Dominant know they are awake and to remind them of plans for the day.
- Submissive will let Dominant know whenever they leave the house.
- Submissive will not pick up their phone and answer it when Dominant is talking to them, unless Dominant says otherwise.
- Submissive will ask permission to speak freely when they believe Dominant is making a wrong choice.
- Submissive will always address Dominant as “Sir”, or other name both have agreed on. And keep their eyes respectfully lowered. Unless agreed to not do this.
- If submissive is concerned that they will deviate from an expectation they are to inform Dominant at once. Preferably before.
- Submissive will ask permission to make purchases that they or Dominant do not “Need”.
- Submissive will always come to Dominant with any concerns that they have. Submissive will not be afraid to talk to Dominant.
- Submissive will respond to text messages from Dominant in a reasonable amount of time or explain why it took so long to answer.
- Submissive will keep the household in presentable order
- Submissive will keep dirty laundry to a minimum
- Submissive will fold laundry (without complaint)
- Submissive will wash dishes everyday (Dishwasher)
- Submissive will feed dogs and do their training every morning
- Submissive will cook meals at least 3 times a week
- Submissive will have sex when Dominant sees fit, unless health prevents them from doing so. Submissive will let Dominant know when they are not feeling well enough for sexual activity.
- Submissive will never touch their self in a gratifying way or pleasing way outside of Dominant’s presence or unless they have obtained Dominant’s consent.
- Submissive will never touch a toy unless instructed to do so.
- Submissive will always thank Dominant after play, or sexual use.
- Submissive must also ask permission to orgasm.
- If submissive is given instructions regarding masturbation prior to asking, they must follow those instructions to the best of their ability.
- If submissive wants to buy a new sex toy they must show Dominant so they can make the decision together.
- While in the scene, the submissive will not speak unless to say their safeword or unless the Dominant says they can.
- Submissive may ask for a particular sexual act before starting the scene, but not during.
- Once the scene has started, the Dominant has full control and expects full cooperation from submissive.