The end of April was quite a fun, interesting and educational time. i attended the 11th annual Beyond Leather conference held here in Fort Lauderdale. There were over 500 attendees this year; reportedly the most… More
my Valentine’s gift to myself this year was to be an encounter, a play session, with a Dom from the Northeast USA. He was coming to my area for a marathon race of some sort. W/we met on recon.com.
W/we wrote and texted for about 5 to 6 weeks planning and anticipating O/our brief time together. W/we exchanged additional photos. And i began to feel trustful…well, as trustful as one can be of an unknown Internet persona.
Anyway, He had assured me He was staying close to the city i live in. However, the Monday before Valentine’s Day He said He was staying in an Air B&B house in a city that was a 45 minute drive away from my home. To say i was disappointed is an understatement. Actually i was pissed.
Because of my current relationship status, and the state of my relationship i do not have hours on end to dedicate to BDSM play. It would be one and a half hours just in travel time. And, He wanted a long, possibly overnight encounter, which i could not possibly do.
i suppose my anger and frustration turned inward because i began to feel ill….like i was coming down with a cold. Coughing. Chills. Body aches. Headache. But, i was still planning to go. We’d arranged for the day after Valentine’s Day for my submission to impact play.
On Valentine’s Day i decided not to go. Mostly, it was the drive. And a bit of trepidation about not really being able to adequately vet an out-of-towner. And a tad of generalized body aches and stiffness making me feel and walk like i was 100 years old.
So, unfortunately i missed Sir using His belt and His computer cord (improvisation since He is travelling) to inflict a mutually satisfying, yet heavy play session.
Am i a scaredy cat? Am i too cautious? Have i watched too many episodes of Criminal Minds? Or should i continue to be careful and try to fully vet a new Dom play partner? Should distance NOT be a factor in considering a play session?
What do Y/you think?
It seems i mostly write about an unsuccessful, unfulfilling BDSM Leather life, but really i think it is an accurate reflection of what most people in the lifestyle go through. i don’t mean to be maudlin or discouraging, but rather to impress upon newbie subs that daily encounters with a vast array of Daddies & Doms is not likely to be the norm.
There is no reason to give up. Do as i do. Get out there. Go to events, dinners, play parties, classes, munches, join organizations, go to Leather bars and other venues. The more you get out there and meet people, and they get to know you, the more likely you are to find play partners, and develop a fulfilling Leather BDSM life.
Thanks for reading,
(This Blog Post is being reposted from The Gay Boy Bible on Tumblr)
“i reblogged a wonderful piece a few days ago, “ten things a sub expects a dom to know without being told.” A really good piece, strong and thought provoking.But as is so often the case here on Tumblr, the emphasis is the same as it is in a porn flick: “It’s all about the girl.” So I decided that this called for a counterpoint to balance the dialectical scales and possibly even spur some discussion. Those who have read the piece I reblogged will recognize some of these 10 items as being more or less identical to the items in that piece. This is by design, and is intended to emphasize that so much of the glue that holds a D/s relationship together is reciprocal.
And so without further ado …
“ten things a dom expects a sub to know without being told”
1. He needs to be the priority. Your Dominant cannot be put in the corner and trotted out when you need him. Make him your priority even during those
times when you think you DON’T need him. Because the truth of it is, even during those times, you secretly do need him, you just aren’t consciously
aware of it.
2. He has emotions and needs them acknowledged. The internet (and Tumblr is especially egregious in this regard) has created the toxic stereotype of
the Dominant as this calm, cold, unemotional Olympian figure who is always as in charge of himself as he is of his submissive. Many a submissive has
run screaming into the night at the sight of her Dominant having a moment of weakness, or self-doubt, or — The Horror! — shedding a tear. Accept that
your Dominant is human, and respect the effort he exerts to be strong and confident for you 99% of the time.
3. Know him better than others. If your Dominant is having emotional difficulties, or even something as “insignificant” as a bad day at the office, you damn well better know it before his friends do.
4. Let him control things (including you). That is his responsibility. Yours is to obey.
5. Abide by the rules. Your Dominant constructs various rules, tasks, rituals, etc, for a purpose. That purpose may not always be obvious to you. It doesn’t have to be. Trust that he knows what he’s doing, and accept the fact that submitting to his rules on a daily basis is just plain hard work. If you’re not willing to put in the work, then you should do some soul-searching and evaluate how deep (or even genuine) your submission really is.
6. Remember that he is yours. This is always reciprocal. Just as he expects your total devotion and commitment and fidelity, you have the right to expect those things from him. To be clear, this is not the same as taking your Dominant for granted. Just as he has to earn those things from you every day, so you also have to earn them from him every day.
7. Appreciate the work he puts into you, and let him KNOW that you appreciate it. Being a dominant (especially in a day-to-day rather than sporadic relationship) is damned hard work. Let him know how much it means to you that he considers you worthy of all that work and direction and energy.
8. Be mindful of your respective positions in the D/s relationship. He is your Dominant. Can you be affectionately playful and impish? Yes; any Dominant who doesn’t relish such from his submissive on occasion has some significant self-confidence issues. Sarcastic or willfully bratty? Not a good idea. Not a good idea AT ALL.
9. Give the same respect you get. If he shows you that, despite the way your relationship might look to the vanillas, he holds you in the highest respect, then return that respect. If you come to the conclusion that he does NOT hold you in the highest respect, you might want to evaluate your relationship and possibly move on.
10. Above all else: he expects your submission to be whole and complete and without reservation, save for those things that the two of you negotiate as equals BEFORE you offer him your submission. Once you submit, he has full right and claim to ALL of you. You don’t get to cherry pick your submission. You don’t get to submit in just those areas where it’s convenient. You don’t get to submit just when you’re in the mood. There are no half-measures with your submission. If you can’t honestly say to yourself that you are all-in, then accept the fact that this means you’re not in AT ALL, and decide what to do about it.”
Lately, i’ve become quite a horn dog. I seem to be looking for and getting lots of hookups. But, i am not going to gloat, because i’ve had more than my fair share of long, dry spells.
The recent encounter i thought i would tell you about may be off-putting, uncomfortable, or anger inducing to some people because of the subject matter, i.e. kink involved. But, let me be the first to say i abhor child sexual abuse. And i say that as a survivor of repeated sexual abuse by an older male cousin when i was between the ages of 9 and 12.
Recently, i met a man online who fancied himself a bit of a mental health therapist who specialized in child sexual abuse/incest. i admitted to him that i had been abused as a child. So, he wanted me to “process” what had happened to me in a session with him. i have to admit i was intrigued, and a bit titillated by the scenario since we connected on a gay hookup site.
So we agreed that within the hour i would come to his place, make myself as comfortable as i wanted to be (naked), and to lie on the bed in the direction indicated by the pillows.
I drove over, walked in and went straight to the bedroom as directed. i completely undressed, because…well, i hoped i was going to get fucked.
i laid down with my head at the foot of the bed. A few minutes later i heard steps approach the bed, then pass by to a nearby chair. The “therapist” told me to begin my story of sexual abuse from the beginning.
i told him each of the occurrences i could recall. i also admitted that although it was non-consensual, and i clearly was being abused by an older boy, it did feel good and that i had gotten an erection each time from the abusive encounter. Also, i told the therapist that the last abusive encounter occurred at an age when i was capable of cumming, so i stopped the cousin from masturbating my penis before i ejaculated by pretending to be asleep, and turning over in the bed away from my abuser.
Then, i talked about childhood mutual sexual play with friends and boys in my neighborhood. Then he stood up and told me not to be concerned as he placed a sheet over by face. He took his clothes off and got in the bed beside me.
i reach over and grasped surprisingly, a large, uncut cock. He went down on me for a bit, and then tried really hard to get that big, fat, uncut dick up my tight asshole. It hurt, but he went slow. He was gentle. He was determined and so was i — to a point. About 3/4 of his at least 8 inches were in, but the pain and fear of tearing caused me to stop him.
Without a word he got up, dressed and left the room. i got up, dressed, left the house and drove home.
Remember: my kink may not be your kink, and that’s ok.
While this encounter was bizarre, it was also cathartic. i have to say that i had never openly admitted to another person that i was aroused while i was being abused. That it felt good. And in my confusion over the conflicting feelings of the abuse (shame, fear, anger) and the sexual arousal, i had erotic dreams about this cousin for years afterward. i even considered contacting him to entice him into a consensual sexual encounter numerous times over the years.
Child sexual abuse fucks up a kid’s brain. It messes up their ability to feel things normally. It destroys self esteem. It induces lifelong shame. It can cause promiscuity and sex addiction.
i should know. Been there. Done that!
This post is in no way meant to glorify, justify, encourage, or normalize child sexual abuse.
It happened! Finally. My FIRST real BDSM hookup/play session with a Dom. But, this wasn’t one, but rather two Doms. The Sir who Dominated my sub ass was the submissive to the other Sir, the primary Dominant. However, my Dom took charge and worked me over really well.
i arranged my safety call with a friend that i would contact as soon as the session ended. He knew if he hadn’t heard from me by a certain time to consider the worst, and to notify the police. He had their phone numbers, addresses, etc. just in case.
When i was clean – inside and out, i left home and drove nervously to Their home. i was instructed via text to park out front, and to text when i’d arrived, and to wait in the car until Sir came out to get me. Suddenly, it began to pour down raining.
Sir motioned for me to come in and as i walked into the extremely large home, SIR said, “don’t be nervous”. That was immensely helpful in relaxing me and alleviating my anxiety…and and fears i might have been harboring.
After 90 minutes of intense impact play – flogging, paddling, spanking and having a riding crop used on my ass, and chest and back impact play with paddles, it progressed to CBT & TT and lots of oral sex and face fucking. Apparently then, Sir placed ten clothes pins on my cock & proceeded to tap, flick, and hit them inducing increasing levels of pain/pleasure. At the same time i experienced intense TT which caused a constant refocusing of attention to alternating areas of intense pain.
The Sirs were very attentive and cognizant of my level of pain asking for a numerical value to gage the intensity. They offered rest breaks and water regularly during the play.
Only once did i kind of loudly say “ouch” as i turned my ass away from the hard strikes of the wooden paddle. SIR said, “is that a yellow?” to which i said sheepishly, “yes.” The intensity of that paddling immediately decreased.
At the end of the session, i was asked how long i’ve been into BDSM. They both were surprised to hear this was my first real BDSM encounter in a non classroom setting. They seemed impressed at the level and intensity of pain i was able to accept.
Hopefully i’ll always remember my initiation into real BDSM play happened on 1-8-18 (one eight one eight)
Thanks for reading,
For some reason lately i seem a bit more popular in the hookup apps. i talk to more men even if it leads nowhere, because they’ve smiled, cruised, winked, or growled at me from the respective sites. And, hot men! Not men i wouldn’t want to be s
een in public with!
On one site for kink and BDSM i was contacted by a Sir a few weeks ago. He and His partner, also a Sir, were/are coming to town for vacation soon. After talking through the site and exchanging pics and lots of information we decided to meet and set a date….and that play date is this coming Monday.
By phone text we’ve discussed safety, safe words, limits, pushing passed limits, and respecting each other’s time as they are here for a brief stay.
We talked about meeting prior to playing but they didn’t feel they had time…or it wasn’t necessary…or something. So, tonight as our play date approaches i contacted Sir again to inquire about meeting beforehand.
He again reiterated that they respect limits, would not do anything beyond my desires, but said they did not have time to meet first before a play session. While i know everyone says you should meet first in a neutral place, i have decided to have a safe call person instead. This person i designate will expect a call – not a text, from me at a time that i choose based on when i think the session will end. He will have my Sir’s address and phone number. Should i NOT call him at that time he will try to call me. If i can not be reached after a couple attempts, he is to notify the police.
I’ve thought a lot about the meet first “rule” in the kink community. And while i think it may be optimal, what really can you discern from a cursory meeting with a potential play patner? People put their best foot forward when meeting someone new in an effort to impress them, make them feel comfortable or to seduce them. But people lie and do misrepresent the truth. Would i really be any safer if i had coffee at Starbucks with them the day before our play session?? i don’t really think so.
The only true way to be safe is to vet a potential play partner through someone in our Leather Kink BDSM community, through a Leather establishment, bar, or leaders of various organizations or clubs. In this particular scenario that was not feasible.
This, if it really happens this time, will be my 1st official, non-Pro Dom paid or classroom associated BDSM full-on encounter. Man, am i fucking psyched about it.
And to add even more excitement to the pile, another Sir from the same site is coming to town in February and wants to play. His picture shows a hot, lean bearded man who says he is a sadist with a foot fetish. So, we shall see what happens with Him.
As an aside, i did have sex last night. Well, i guess i’ll officially say it was sex. He was a Top. Didn’t look much like his profile pic, but not so different as to require me to hit the reject button. Anyway, He was a “lay there, and do me” kinda lazy sex partner. All he did was lay on His back, get blown, and tried in vain to work a dry finger up my butt. We did kiss…he ultimately jerked off and i went home.
Another crappy ass lazy gay man who doesn’t know how to have mutually pleasing and satisfying sex!!
What’s this gay world coming to?
Thanks for reading,
Last week i got an email saying i had received an email message on one of those hookup sites. When i checked the email it was a Dom wanting to meet…me! i checked his profile and saw he is 39, handsome according to the posted picture, and most intriguing – he wanted to meet…..me!
Of course i was skeptical. But i did respond. He said to call him Sir, which i do out of respect for all Doms and Masters. So i had no problem with that. We exchanged email addresses and wrote back and forth till He asked if i had Yahoo Messenger. i did. We’ve talked via email, text or yahoo Messenger several times daily for a week.
He requested i purchase a leather mouth cover/ball gag and provide proof that it was ordered to show i was serious in my search for a Dom. i got a 20% discount code from a separate email about BDSM toys from this same company. With shipping costs it was only $30. And it is quite nice.
For our first in person meeting He said to purchase a BDSM starter contract kit from another company. It would be $310 with 24 hour delivery. i said i didn’t have the money and was reluctant to spend it without having met. Sir said He would split the cost with me.
This morning i couldn’t sleep. i got up at 3 am. Just so happens at 2:53 am Sir sent an email to the man at the company saying He had sent $110.00 and His boy would send $200 later today – via Western Union to someone in Texas to finalize the purchase.
Now i don’t know about you dear readers, but have RED FLAGS gone off?
Who makes a purchase through Western Union? The communication from Him to the company and from the company to him are just gmail accounts that anyone could set up. The company website is a crude wordpress website with little information other than the starter kit…..the contract, a leather dog mask, a leather apron, and a leather thong. Strange collection of “starter” items. And why “starter”? Starter for what? BDSM? A new D/s relationship?
At twenty minutes to five in the morning i have convinced myself that once again i am being scammed. Why indeed would a handsome, 39 year old Dom be so quickly smitten with me, an older man. And, i have no actual proof he really lives in Fort Lauderdale.
We subs, who greatly out number Doms and Masters, must ALWAYS be vigilant in watching for online scams in our near desperate search for our Dom for life or just for play.
Needless to say, he is being blocked!
Thanks for reading,
Living honestly, openly, and true to myself is not easy. Whilst i have had interest and dalliances into the Leather BDSM/Kink/Fetish world over my many years of adulthood, it has been a short stay each time, only to return reluctantly to my vanilla, mainstream lifestyle after each occurrence.
As you may remember from earlier posts i began coming out as a Leather boy 1 1/2 years ago by joining a club for Leather boys. I’ve attended events, demonstrations, meetings, camping events and recently a formal Leather Masked Ball.
Most of these activities have caused varying degrees of discord within the home & relationship. It started with resistance and snide comments about Leather, Leatherfolk, and kinky activities. It has evolved into a quiet tolerance with only the occasional rumpf response to my going out with Leather minded friends.
This brings me full circle to honesty. i have to admit i am not honest and i am in ways a coward. i want to wear my boots and jeans more. I want to go out more to the Leather bar, events and meetings. i want to live a Leather lifestyle however that manifests in my life. i want to be able to hookup/play or just cruise online without hiding and lying.
And i want to…need to admit to my husband that i am not happy and want to separate. But, through therapy and a sizeable amount of investigation i’ve learned he is a narcissist and i am codependent. As a “narc” he lacks empathy and has little to no clue how bad it is for me in the relationship or how much i want a new start. i deeply dread THE conversation, the anger and tears. So i procrastinate. Surpressing my feelings, wants and desires in deference to his – classic codependence.
i have looked at apartments and rooms for rent. i’ve looked into escape plans, a PO Box, a new separate checking account, i’ve developed a budget, and i’ve made a list of the few things i really want from the house when i leave.
Is this all a dream or fantasy i am building in my mind? Will i have the balls to leave?
Will i finally be honest with myself and my spouse, so we both can begin a new chapter in our lives?
i’ll let you know what happens!
Thanks for reading,
The Leather Masked Ball was a well attended soiree with hundreds of Leather Men/boys dressed in all manner of hot, masculine Leather. Shirtless and wearing a tight harness seemed to be the preferred attire for the night. Few attendees actually wore masks though.
The DJ was Chi Chi LaRue playing some classic dance music that never seemed to draw a crowd to the dance floor or whip the men into a dancing frenzy.
My husband went to the Ball with me and seemingly had a pretty good time despite his aversion to everything Leather and BDSM oriented. He was intrigued by the puppies, puppy masks and tails, and fascinated by the information that Leatherwerks occasionally has classes on puppy play. Could he be a would be pup handler?
It was the beginning of Pig Week also. So, i went to a pool party at Inn Leather for my first official pig week activity. i sat naked by the pool in the shade admiring all the other naked men wandering around the resort area and lounging by the pool.
At one point i took a walk around the grounds and heard some noise coming from an alcove behind the locker area. Of course i needed to investigate. my eyes widened as i watched about 10 guys going at it in one big jumble of man meat. Hands, mouths, dicks and asses all seemed to be connected from one body to the next.
i watched a few minutes. Didn’t get turned on or even hard. So i left the alcove, kinda bored, but also feeling sexually inadequate. i went back to my chair by the pool. A guy approached. Offered a BJ. i accepted, but wasn’t turned on or sufficiently hard so i excused myself, dressed and went home.
Another night i attended a rope bondage class taught by two hot Men. After the class the attendees were directed to another room where a “play party” was starting. The party was likely going to be non-kinky sex play only. Instead of the play party i walked about 6 blocks to the Ramrod Bar. Four beers later i took Uber to the Clubhouse II, a gay male bathhouse. Being pig week it was supposed to be packed. But it wasn’t. i left about 3 am without having sex and took Uber home.
What i seemed to have learned is that i am not a Pig, at least not in a group setting. i am not ready to be sexually active because of physical limitations. And i feel like i must be the only gay man who can go to a bathhouse and not have sex with anyone.
i did have a Dom lined up for a BDSM play scene during pig week. He was from out of town and texted me on arrival in Fort Lauderdale. It was only then that W/we discovered that neither one of us could host. Another lost opportunity.
Not a pig! But if i hadn’t tried i would never have found out. i am putting myself out there in the community more, and making more connections. And, that my friends is the name of the game.
Thanks for reading,
It’s good to be a Leather boy this week in Fort Lauderdale. Tonight, November 25th, is the 12th annual Leather Masked Ball being held at Progress Bar. It is well attended by Leathermen and Leather boys of all types, and i am guessing lots of Leather women, straights and gays, and a smattering of vanilla folks gawking.
The Ball is produced by the Lambda Men’s Brotherhood, Inc. It will star DJ Chi Chi LaRue and feature an exhibition by the Leather Archives & Museum Chicago as well as BDSM demonstrations. There will also be a Best Masked contest with $175 Bar Tab prizes from Ramrod.
Every year for at least the last 8 to 10 years my husband and i toyed with the idea of going. That was even before he knew how much i wanted, yearned to be in the Leather community. This year he said let’s go. We bought our tickets and masks yesterday.
Before i post this Blog i’ll include a post script about how the Leather Masked Ball was, and how my vanilla partner reacts to various aspects of the night, especially the BDSM demonstrations.
The other event that makes this a great time to be a guy in Fort Lauderdale is that it is the beginning of our annual Pig Week. Many of you may be wondering what is a “pig” in the context of grown men. If you like drinking, dancing, and fucking then you are a PIG! And we in Fort Lauderdale want to meet you! This event is designed for all hot men in the world to cum together and play. There are pool parties, play parties, nude resort and beach days, and educational programs and demonstrations on fisting, watersports, sounding, and rope bondage. But, most of all it’s about welcoming men from all over the world to our city, showing it off, and showing them a really, really good time.
i have never participated in Pig Week before either. But, i told my husband i was going and bought my $100 dog tag before he could lodge a protest. The dog tag is my admission ticket to all events. Without it there is a $25 fee charged at the door of most of the events, and no admission to others.
Today i plan to attend a clothing optional pool/play party at a local leather themed resort where there is a sling in every room. Hopefully, it will be a great turnout since the weather is predicted to be beautiful, at a comfortable temperature, and with no rain in the forecast.
Sunday Morning Synopsis
Yesterday afternoon i took Uber to the Inn Leather resort for one of the pigweek events. It was a men only, clothing optional pool party. Most of the men walked around nude, seemingly proud of their bodies in all the glorious shapes, sizes and colors they come in. There didn’t appear to be any penis shame either. Penis varieties were from really small to “O my God, you’re going to put that where?” I think there must have been around 75 of us there.
Leather Masked Ball
It was hot, hot hot! Leather men came from everywhere including out of the closet for this annual event. Hundreds of masculine men turned out to see and be seen and to get their party on at Progress Bar. Some men wore masks, but most didn’t. The wafting of cigar smoke had us continually on the move for a better spot. An abundance of hairy and smooth asses were exposed for our pleasure; an occasional erect penis would pop out of a jock to the delight of everyone in the vicinity. The music, while good, was not up to the caliber expected from the guest DJ.
To my surprise my husband was fascinated by puppies and puppy play. He says he wants to take a class about it at Leatherwerks next time it’s offered.
i believe it was a great event and quite successful financially and in attendance.
Thanks for reading,
i have not filtered my posts much in the year i’ve been blogging, so this one, while being difficult to write, will expose my deepest fear, sadness, shame, anxiety and embarrassment about my cock.
Y/you may be wondering why i would do it then. Fuck. i don’t know. I drew a blank at first. But really, i think it is a very common issue faced by many men over age 40 – ED – Erectile Dysfunction, the scurge of manhood and the most dreaded thing that could happen…but sharing my tale of woes may help other men. i hope so.
i’ve been dealing with this shit for years. It started subtly with occasional loss of erections during sexual encounters. Then, it became more noticeable so treatment was sought. That’s when the little blue pill, Viagra, was available.
Viagra worked great for years. Then, the effects waned a bit. Then, i tried Cialis, but it induced severe, long-lasting backache. The next pill, Levitra, didn’t really work for me. Years passed with varying degrees of firmness and sexual satisfaction/dissatisfaction and performance anxiety.
About 3 years ago i graduated to “the shot” – Trimix. It is a mixture of three medications that is injected into the side of the penis near the base. It worked! It gives me a big, full, swollen, and red hardon that starts within minutes of the injection, but only lasts 1 – 1 1/2 hours. So, i have to know without a doubt that i am going to have sex, and there can be no prolonged foreplay or the erection may be gone before my partner and i get off.
No, the shot doesn’t really hurt. It does take a bit of psyching myself up before sticking the needle in. Every time after ejaculation my dick hurts. The swelling remains for about 12 to 18 hours so my dick is big but soft.
For a year now i’ve been looking into the Priapus Shot (P Shot) for the treatment of ED. i’ve consulted with 3 physicians. The procedure is safe and fairly simple. They draw my blood. Spin it in a centrifuge to separate the solid components from the plasma. The plasma contains growth factors that when injected back into the penis causes a rejuvenation of tissues and hopefully a return of functioning. A vaccuum pump is provided and a regimen of daily pumping is required for maximum benefit. Also, some men may need an added jolt with the addition of a boner pill, which is supposed to work better after the P-Shot.
The downside, and it’s a big one – the going rate is $1900.00. Can you imagine forking over nearly 2k and injecting it into your dick? Each of the 3 doctors with whom i consulted were charging the full $1900.00.
Last month i saw an ad in a gay publication for an Anti Aging Aesthetic physician’s practice. They were offering the P Shot for $1500 during October. While finding that much money was not going to be easy it was an offer i couldn’t pass up.
Today i had the procedure done. i was there nearly two hours. The blood was spun down for 90 minutes. i was given 5 injections in my penis. One on each side at the base. One on each side mid shaft. And finally one in the center just behind the head. It didn’t hurt because i applied a numbing cream when i first arrived.
Tonight i have a plump dick. Somewhat impressive.
We’ll see how things progress. i’ll update Y/you periodically. Stay tuned
Thanks for reading,