Who Moved my Cheese?

This is a delightful little, easy to read book by Ken Blanchard & Spencer Johnson about CHANGE.

The premise is change happens. Expect it. Prepare for it. Don’t be shocked, dismayed or try to fight inevitable CHANGE.

This boy’s life in the last two years has experienced immense change. Cancer…stepping slowing into the Leather BDSM community…severe colitis that very nearly killed me…ups and downs of potential hookups and letdowns…coming out as a proud Leather bottom boy and taking the moniker boy stray…having my throat cut open for a spinal fusion…having my first real BDSM full on experience…… and ultimately, my relationship problems at home.

my husband and i have been together many years, probably more out of habit, companionship, and codependency than anything else. But, what glaringly became obvious after my bout of cancer was that i was not happy. i want more out of life. i don’t mean trips, vacations, cruises, money, houses, etc.

What i am talking about is freedom. i feel like a caged animal. I can’t go places, associate with my Leather friends, go out for a drink, hookup or have sex or get a massage or go to the gym, or god forbid, go to Publix without getting the third degree interrogation.

My friends, the whole Leather BDSM community, and i are denigrated because of how W/we look, O/our affinity for Leather, and O/our kinky sexual interests & activities. He would laughingly ask when i would come home if i had gotten fisted or had been beaten and had bruises…like he thought that was the most disgusting things a person could do.

Since December i’ve been plotting my escape, my leave from this life and relationship. Two weeks ago i paid a deposit to hold an apartment. Last week i bought a new bedroom suite and sofa for the living room. Yesterday i signed a 36 page lease on the apartment. i pick up the keys today, do a walk through approval, and it is mine.

my Cheese has been Moved!

i am anxious, but excited.

i am sad i am leaving my 3 dogs.

i am angry it has taken me this long to do something.

i am happy to begin a new life of freedom.

i am scared that i could fail and run back to a familiar, but unhappy, emotionally abusive situation.

Send me Y/your positive energy and support, please.

And with that, my new life begins….

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

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Plans Gone Awry

my Valentine’s gift to myself this year was to be an encounter, a play session, with a Dom from the Northeast USA. He was coming to my area for a marathon race of some sort. W/we met on recon.com.

W/we wrote and texted for about 5 to 6 weeks planning and anticipating O/our brief time together. W/we exchanged additional photos. And i began to feel trustful…well, as trustful as one can be of an unknown Internet persona.

Anyway, He had assured me He was staying close to the city i live in. However, the Monday before Valentine’s Day He said He was staying in an Air B&B house in a city that was a 45 minute drive away from my home. To say i was disappointed is an understatement. Actually i was pissed.

Because of my current relationship status, and the state of my relationship i do not have hours on end to dedicate to BDSM play. It would be one and a half hours just in travel time. And, He wanted a long, possibly overnight encounter, which i could not possibly do.

i suppose my anger and frustration turned inward because i began to feel ill….like i was coming down with a cold. Coughing. Chills. Body aches. Headache. But, i was still planning to go. We’d arranged for the day after Valentine’s Day for my submission to impact play.

On Valentine’s Day i decided not to go. Mostly, it was the drive. And a bit of trepidation about not really being able to adequately vet an out-of-towner. And a tad of generalized body aches and stiffness making me feel and walk like i was 100 years old.

So, unfortunately i missed Sir using His belt and His computer cord (improvisation since He is travelling) to inflict a mutually satisfying, yet heavy play session.

Am i a scaredy cat? Am i too cautious? Have i watched too many episodes of Criminal Minds? Or should i continue to be careful and try to fully vet a new Dom play partner? Should distance NOT be a factor in considering a play session?

What do Y/you think?

It seems i mostly write about an unsuccessful, unfulfilling BDSM Leather life, but really i think it is an accurate reflection of what most people in the lifestyle go through. i don’t mean to be maudlin or discouraging, but rather to impress upon newbie subs that daily encounters with a vast array of Daddies & Doms is not likely to be the norm.

There is no reason to give up. Do as i do. Get out there. Go to events, dinners, play parties, classes, munches, join organizations, go to Leather bars and other venues. The more you get out there and meet people, and they get to know you, the more likely you are to find play partners, and develop a fulfilling Leather BDSM life.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray