Limited Activity Choices & the Deal Breaker

A couple months ago a Leather Sir contacted (cruised) me on recon.com. W/we messaged back and forth for a couple weeks and made a date to play after extensive dialogue about preferred activities, & soft and hard limits. He was completely honest that his primary interest was anal fisting. And i was totally forthcoming about my bout with anal cancer last year and my inability to submit to more than aggressive finger fucking due to scarring and easily torn tissues. Sir acknowledged my plight, and agreed again to meet, so O/our play date was reconfirmed.

The night before our play date, Sir texted my phone that He had sudden, unexpected, out of town company staying with Him, and would therefore need to cancel the date. He also said He was leaving the country for nearly a month, but that W/we would definitely set another date upon His return.

So, on the fifteenth of September, the day Sir was due back, i emailed Him, and W/we re-established O/our online conversation. W/we set another date to meet for play. But, His questions to me seemed to show a lack of memory of O/our previous conversations about O/our likes, preferences, and hard limits. i repeated my medical history and again disclosed my fears regarding fisting. However, despite that hard limit, Sir continued to say He wanted to meet. He even listed a number of other activities He enjoys that W/we could do. Another date was set for the near future.

A few days before O/our 2nd planned (and my much anticipated and needed) play date Sir contacted me saying His activity of preference is Anal Fisting. And since i was not able to do that one thing He canceled our date. i simply wrote back, “ok”.

Not getting fisted was a deal breaker! Or was it an excuse? Is His BDSM repertoire that limited?

Have any of Y/you, my readers, ever experienced this Y/yourselves? Is Y/your preferred activities list that short? If so, how do Y/you ever find another person to play with?

Oh, don’t get me wrong. There are definitely things i greatly enjoy, and others that can be done that i might just like a bit…that i can take or leave. But to require every SIR to do one particular thing to me, or it’s not happening, just seems arbitrarily self limiting, and is a way of keeping most Sir’s away.

Personally i keep trying to expand my “Will Do” list of activities in order to attract more attention, and to be more appealing to a greater number of gay, masculine, Dominent, Top men in my area.

Write in and tell me if Y/you have a required activity during BDSM Play, or the session gets canceled. What is that activity, and why so important to Y/your play?

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

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Pain, Glorious Pain!?

i never thought of myself as a masochist until fairly recently. i really didn’t, and don’t, enjoy the pain i experience daily from arthritis. Those pains are a nuisance and have no intrinsic value. They are there to challenge my life and my resolve every minute of every day. But chosen, inflicted sensual pain is another whole kettle o fish as they use to say.

We’ve most likely all had a hang nail that we had to pull out, or a splinter, a scrape, cut, burn or bruise from an accident around the house. Those things hurt like the dickins. And it wasn’t a good pain.

But, put on some leather, dim the lights and bring out the whips, chains, clamps, and floggers, and we’re having a party. Safe, sane, consensual AND sensual pain i believe releases endorphins that cause the pain to be experienced positively, sensually, and erotically BY SOME PEOPLE.

It turns me the fuck on!!

But most people I would venture to say would argue that any pain during sex is a total turn off/deal breaker/end of the date occurrence.

And to be fair we have to acknowledge that many people have experienced painful traumatic events in their lives whether it was physical, emotional or psychological. That definitely could effect a person’s perception of pain inflicted with erotic intention.

That is why GOOD effective communication before playing is essential. You as the Dom don’t want to be in a scene with someone who has a total meltdown or freak out with that first hard slap on the ass. You need to know beforehand if the sub has ANY issues related to pain, or even to bondage or being restrained.

i mentioned my chronic pain. Well, erotic pain inflicted in a BDSM scene or simple play session for me is a diversion, a redirection of my attention from my chronic pain and giving me, even briefly, the experience of an intense, highly sensual escape from my day-to-day pain and giving me a mind blowing orgasm.

But, i can be a wuss!  At this point i don’t have enough experience to know how much i can take before the erotic pain turns into an “ouch bitch that hurts – Stop!”  The one time i needed to call Red, my safe word, all i could scream to to electro malfunction was “Ouchhhh, stop, stop, stop, that hurts!”  It probably wasn’t the words that evoked His rapid response but more likely my pulling against the restraints with a force reminiscent of King Kong trying to break free from captivity in that scene from the movie where he is on the stage in New York.  Man, that was some major pain.

i tend more toward impact play now, and TT, CBT, hot wax, sounds, ws, bondage, and growing interest in edgier play as long as there is some component of erotic pain included, i am game!

So now i proudly proclaim that i, boy stray, am a masochist.

Give me pain, Glorious Pain!

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive – Day 29 & 30

The time has come for me to Define my kink for the last two days.  i think it took a month or more to write responses to all the questions but it has been profound and eye opening.  i know i am submissive, but never really took the time to contemplate what that means to me or how it impacts my life.  If you haven’t been defining your kink as a submissive along with me i encourage you to back track in my Blog to find all 30 Days of questions.  Don’t rush through them one right after the other.  Take a day or so between writing your responses so that you can ponder the question and then write about it as thoroughly as you can.

Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?
Over the last twenty five years i have experienced many types of pain mostly from medical issues and surgical interventions.  Some of it mild; some excruciating.  What I can tell Y/you is the unintentional, internal pain from illness or surgery is different from the intentional, consensual infliction on pain in a BDSM setting.  


As a submissive i know that there is a beginning to the pain and a definite endpoint to it.  In this type of scene i am consenting and anticipating the pain.  i know that if the pain surpasses my tolerance level, i can, with one word, stop the infliction of the pain.  


My relationship with the intentional pain is a fondness for the attention of the Dom and the feeling of total submission to His control.  In ways i embrace it, i accept it, i tolerate it, and sometimes i long for it.

i do stop short of calling myself a “pain pig” as some people do.  i am not into the pain just for the pain.  For me it comes with a purpose and is the result of two M/men coming together to explore T/their kink together.


Thanks for reading,

boy stray

Will, Won’t or Maybe Mondays

Today i will just talk about humiliation as a part of a D/s interaction or relationships.  Twice, well, maybe more than that, i have put my safety in jeopardy by getting into the vehicle of an unknown Dom.  But, the topic is about humiliation…both of those encounters began with my public humiliation.  The first one i experienced was with a Brazilian Dom i met on a hookup site.  He was a young, good looking, uncut, married (to a woman) Dom so i felt i could trust Him to be discreet.

On the day of our first meeting He ordered me to wear a tank top tee shirt, extremely short shorts, and no underwear.  Also i was to tie a white ribbon around my balls and to let the end of the ribbon to hang out the bottom of my shorts.  Well, the shorts i had were very short workout shorts and i always wore a jock with them.  The jock greatly enhanced and displayed my bulge through the leg openings.  This was the strategic marketing of my availability at the gay gym.  

If that weren’t enough humiliation, the true test of my submissiveness for Him was that i was to drive to a certain coffee shop about six miles from my house, and i was to stand out front with my head bowed waiting for him to arrive.  i must have stood there ten to fifteen minutes before He arrived.  He then ordered me to keep my head down and not to look at Him.  W/we walked into the coffee shop and sat at a table.  He ordered me to move closer, He reached over and took hold of the white ribbon tugging on it a couple times.  He bought U/us coffee and we left.  i assumed i would follow Him to His house, but He insisted i get into his car.  Briefly i thought about my safety but my dick was making decisions for me at this point.

i got into the passenger seat still averting my eyes and W/we drove off.  W/we drove a short distance, then He ordered me to put a blindfold on, which i did..  Later i learned He didn’t want me to know where W/we were going or His address.  He ordered me down in the seat so neighbors wouldn’t see as He drove into the garage.  i followed Him into His house.  Again, i thought He could kill me and no one would have a clue about my whereabouts.  But i still went in.  

i allowed myself to be cuffed behind my back after undressing.  

Previously online He told me about a smegma fixation He has.  He asked if i preferred clean or with “cheese”.  i said clean.  However, when He wanted a blow job all i could think about was smegma – even though He was clean.  So, i began gagging and choking with the thought of unclean dick in my mouth.  He said, “you are a lousy cocksucker, I’ll have to train you to be better at it.”  The rest of the scenario i will not discuss simply because it was uneventful and safe.  He took me back to my car and i never saw Him again.  i chose not to do that again with Him!

The second encounter with public humiliation was eerily similar – can Doms not come up with an original idea for public humiliation?

In NO WAY am i encouraging you to submit to public humiliation or putting yourself in the kind of dangerous situations i describe in my post.  

How many mistakes did i make during that scenario?

Always put Y/your safety first.

Humiliation can be public or private.  But it must be consensual!

Although i was embarrassed each time i submitted to public humiliation, i felt i was displaying my commitment to submission for everyone to see.

Now that i am more knowledgeable about BDSM, safety, and the practice of safe, sane and consensual kink, i am less likely to consent to public humiliation, and definitely will not get in a car that can be driven anywhere potentially putting me in danger.

Be safe!

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

Have you ever consented to public humiliation?  If so, i would love to hear your story.  Share with me in comments ot PM me.  Thanks

Will, Won’t or Maybe Mondays

This week I thought i would delve into a few things that tend to instill fear and anxiety in me, but nevertheless are intriguing.

Fire Play

Fire has been a fascination for me since i my days as a child bedwetter.  i would set different things on fire usually in the bathroom sink so I could quickly and easily dispose of the burning embers and ashes.  Thankfully i outgrew that without burning down the house.

Not long ago i observed a Fire Play demonstration at the local Leather bar.  The Dom was an expert at lighting afire various locations on the sub’s body.  It seemed fairly safe because He extinguished the flame within seconds.  i assumed that allowed for intense heat without actually burning the flesh.  There was redness afterward but the sub didn’t complain of lingering pain and no superficial burns were obvious.

If i were to do this i would make absolutely sure the Dom was a Master at fire play.  


Cigar Play

i have observed cigar play several times.  It involves the cigar the Dom happens to be smoking.  The sub was bound each time with his arms over his head and his feet spread apart – also bound.  The lit cigar was carefully brought closer and closer to the skin, first the nipples, then the chest and abdomen.  With the first sub the Dom touched the cigar to the sub’s metal nipple rings then to the metal PA jewelry in the sub’s cock.  The sub squealed with delight at the pain being induced. It was the same Dom in each of the cigar play demonstrations.  So, He was quite adept at this kind of play.  i would trust him to “light me fire” so to speak.  Someday i hope to experience this with that Dom.  

Knife Play

i was completely unaware of knife play until a coworker mentioned to several of us that one of His things was knife play.  I was immediately drawn to him, and to the subject at hand.  i was intrigued, and yet i also felt a twinge of fear at the prospect of having a knife held to my skin by a hot, hung, masculine Dominant.  i even contemplated a small cut here and there.  i suppose that gets into blood play.  Knife play i assume is more about total submission, inducement of fear, and equating that with the sexual component.

Gun Play

This is probably one of the activities i would NOT consent to doing.  i have a strong dislike and fear of guns.  i grew up with lots of them in the home, but i have seen the effects of accidental discharge of guns, and the aftermath of intentional shooting of innocent victims.  i know that even when the person handling the gun “knows” it has no bullets they have discharged, striking and injuring or killing people including children.  i fear accidentally being shot!

Breath Control

i cannot submit to breath control either.  i use to be able to hold my breath for a fairly long time, but after several bouts of pneumonia my lung capacity has diminished.  Also, the extreme difficulty breathing i had with each episode of pneumonia there was severe shortness of breath, so the thought of having my breathing restricted or controlled by another person is frightening to me.  i even have trouble with a gag of any kind shoved into my mouth.  This is a strong phobia for me.  

Rape/Abduction 

A seasoned Dom told me once that rape/abduction/gang bang scenerios were the most commonly verbalized fantasies of most submissives.  i too have dreamed of being wanted by someone so much that i would totally submit to being abducted and repeatedly “raped” even though it would be consensual Play.  Also, i have wanted to be desired so much that many hot Men would line up waiting their turn to pump me full of their cum while other men held me down.

However the Dom who told me that also said it is extremely hard for this type of scenario to be planned and executed.  Too many players involved for it to be adequately carried out.  Then there is the liability involved if there is an injury, or if the sub claims it was forced and non consensual.  But a boy can dream, can’t he?

Confinement/Caging

i suppose Y/you could call me a scaredy cat since i seem to fear lots of BDSM activities.  And again, while i would like to get rid of my fears, and submit to being confined or caged, i have trouble trusting anyone enough to give up that much freedom of movement.  i fear being caged and having the Dom turn out to be a psycho, or that he has a heart attack or stroke with no keys readily available for escape.  i realize the likelihood of that happening is remote, I still harbor those fears.
i would urge you to be very careful about hooking up with new Doms and submitting to any kind of edge play like the ones i briefly described above.  Always err on the side of caution.  If He is a reputable Dom He will want to play with you when a strong bond of trust develops between Y/you two.

Dungeon Party or Sex Party

Y/you may remember that i mentioned i was going to my first Dungeon Party.  Well it happened last night.  

i was excited but trying to not have too many unreasonable expectations.  i tried to be ok with playing or not playing…whatever happened would be okay.  i got dressed in my usual leather…boots, belt, vest, wrist band, 501 Levi jeans, and my hunter green bandana – right, back jeans pocket.   The look is complete!  Fresh haircut so i looked good and ready for my debut into the world of Dungeon Parties.

Since my club was co-sponsoring i got there early to help set up the bar and patio area.  An assortment of men started arriving 30-40 minutes before opening time.  But, where were the handsome, masculine Doms?  But, it did look like it would be a good turnout. 

i was excited to watch the Men arrive in all manner of dress and undress.  Since most of them were only wearing jocks, harnesses and boots it was hard to tell the Doms from the subs…or as i found out later, it was hard to tell the tops from the bottoms.  No flags because no back pockets.   Wrist and arm bands seemed only for decoration. Who were the Doms?  Where were the Doms?

i stayed on the patio area for a couple hours before i built up my confidence and courage to make a foray into the “dungeon”.  All i saw was plain ole sex.  Sucking, fucking, rimming. Where was the BDSM? Was a Dungeon party simply a sex party? Of course i watched a while taking in all the images.  But it didn’t really turn me on.  i was mostly frustrated.

Surprisingly most of the Men there were my age plus or minus 10 years.  The exception was a handsome, young sub that took his clothes off and got up in a sling.  Quickly he was surrounded by a sea of horny guys wanting to have their turn with him. There were erections that never went down — umm, chemically induced?  Nothing wrong with that, but a constant erection for hours is interesting to see and watch. Envious?  Maybe i was?  Yup, i was!

When i came out from my excursion there was a boy bound to the cross. The Dom was using a cigar to stimulate the sub’s nipples, his chest and abdomen. Then he began tapping the boy’s balls with a paddle alternating the intensity with each tap.  After a while the boy was turned around, re-bound to the cross and the flogging and spanking began. Very exciting to watch but felt a bit envious of the boy. Shoulda been me!

Later i learned that was one of two Demos.  The second demo was a really intense flogging and paddling scene. The sub stripped down to his jock and boots and was flogged and paddled for what seemed like a very long time.  In fact i got tired and decided to go home.  It was only 11:15 pm.  As i walked toward my car i could still hear that sub’s moans of pain & pleasure.

The next day i asked if all the Dungeon Parties at this venue were like this one.  The answer was yes, “they are mostly about the sex.”  “There are a lot of guys who come just for the sex.  That’s they’re thing.  They’re not into the BDSM at all.”

Sad.  Disappointed.  Where were the “real” Leather BDSM lifestyle Men/boys?

The search continues…

Will, Won’t or Maybe Mondays 

Let’s forego the usual alphabetical progression through the checklist of potential activities BDSM players and Kinksters can choose to participate in.

So, since i get to choose i want to select anal fucking, cock sucking, golden showers, hot wax play, rimming, and saline infusion just off the top of my head.

I chose these quickly from my list of “likes very much”.

Anal Fucking. – When i first came out even experimenting with gay sex i knew nothing about anal pleasure.  i thought the only things gay men did together were frottage and cock sucking. Frottage came easy, but i really worked long and hard over hundreds of hours perfecting the art of the blow job.  Then, once i came across an uncut cock that…wasn’t as clean as i personally preferred.  Many gay men would have ended it there.  But, he was hot and i was horny.  So, i began the journey of learning the pleasures of anal and prostate stimulation.  Before i learned the pleasures of anal sex, i kind of grimaced, tried to relax, and let him ram it in, and pump away till he came.  After i learned much more about the ass I began to properly prepare of the night by thoroughly cleaning out, learning to really relax, and finding new ways to guide Mr. Anaconda in with the least amount of discomfort.  Butt fucking became my go to activity.  If a cock was too big to suck, it went up my butt.  Then, one day i realized for me to really feel sexually satisfied, i had to get fucked.  Don’t get me wrong, i still love sucking all the dicks i can, but for a real sexual connection i had to allow him inside me and encourage him to fill me with His cum…his essence, the seed of life and hope and all being.   Heady stuff i know.  i put great significance on the male ejaculate.  To me it is His power, His maleness and masculinity.  

With that being said, did Y/you ever see the movie Victor/Victoria.  One line delivered by the older gay man was, “there’s nothing more inconvenient than an old queen with a head cold.”  Of course he was referring to not being able to give blow jobs.  Well, tweaking the line some these days i would have to say, “there is nothing more unsatisfying than a sub bottom boy who can no longer get fucked because of anal cancer radiation treatment side effects.”  Not quite as good a quip as the one from the movie, but nevertheless just as poignant for me.  Now, after 28 radiation treatments, anal fucking is difficult, and painful at best, and impossible to accomplish at the worst.  But i love getting fucked.  So i keep trying to get back to that previous level of satisfaction with anal sex. 

GET YOUR FUCKING ANNUAL CERVICAL AND/ OR ANAL PAP TEST DONE IMMEDIATELY.  PLEASE DON’T procrastinate!!  It just might save Y/your life and keep Y/you from losing Y/your asshole!

Cock Sucking  – i have been sucking cock since the first man after the very first man i got naked with and had sex.  Well, that first time i was scared to death so i was a “do me” kinda guy that afternoon.  Kind of a funny story, i was a twenty year old virgin, and i saw this phone number on the bathroom wall in one of my all time favorite places…the Public Library.  My fingers trembled as i dialed, then asked for Norman.  He was friendly, lived a few blocks from my parents home where i was living, and he immediately iinvited me over to his house.  i could only fondle him, but he blew me three times in about thirty minutes.  But, that experience won me over.  i really liked getting those blow jobs, but i quickly found that i actually prefer giving them.

And, yes it is an art and a science.  Y/you have to know the anatomy and some basic physiological responses of the penis when it is stimulated by oral sex.  That’s the science.  The art is in perfecting Y/your ability to suck, lick, deep throat, and stimulate the cock to ejaculation.  Then, what to do when H/he cums?  Spit or swallow?  i think most men prefer it to be swallowed.  Spitting it out seems rather rude, maybe judgmental, or even a rejection of H/him in some way.  

Advice: learn to suck without scraping your teeth on the shaft; learn to control Y/your gag reflex because most men want more than a spit shine to the knob…deep threat that dick!; learn to take Y/your time – don’t rush through it so you get it over with.  If you are a half ass cock sucker he’s going to know it, and probably move along; learn to gracefully spit, or swallow with exuberance.  Sometimes if for some reason I don’t swallow, I subtly get the semen in my hand and use it for lube to jerk off.  For some reason i find that a real turn on.

All men love a good blow job!

Golden Showers. – piss play.  There is something about piss play that intrigues me.  i love the warmth as i piss onto my legs and feet or even up on my torso.  I’ve been given small amounts in cups to drink by two different Doms.  i found it to be too pungent and too warm for my taste.  Had one guy piss up my ass after fucking me.  Didn’t know He had done it till He told me.  That was an awkward walk to the bathroom to expel the urine without leaking or losing it half way to the toilet.  Me, i prefer plain ole “on me” kind of piss play.  


Hot wax  – don’t use the candles off your dining room table.  Those candles burn too hot, at a higher temperature, which can be dangerous and cause severe burns if not used very carefully.  There are candles made especially for hot wax play.  One of the tricks I learned in a class was to hold the candle at the right height above the sub so the wax cools a bit as it falls but retains enough heat for a good sting of heat as it hits the skin.  Best to shave the area first if the area being played with is the genital/pubic area, or any other hairy areas like the chest and back.  This can be a very sensual and erotic experience having the wax dripped on your skin, but also the Dom’s attention and efforts to remove the dried wax can be quite stimulating as well.


Rimming  – growing up especially after being potty trained we are taught the the butt is dirty and should not be touched at any time except for cleaning.  However there are quite a few nerve ending in the peri anal area that when stimulated evoke a sexual response.  Now why would it feel so good to touch, stroke, finger, and lick that area if it was to be regarded as unclean and untouchable.  Granted the vast majority of people who love rimming want the ass to be clean and fresh inside and out.  i have often wondered why this is one sexual activity i love doing.  But, I can rim a hot man butt for a long time before my tongue gets fatigued and my jaw gets sore.  Funny thing is while i absolutely love rimming, i am not so fond of it being done to me.  If Y/you’ve never experienced this sensation, i urge you to lie back, relax, and let a master rimmer like me take Y/you to new heights of ecstasy Y/you didn’t know Y/you could reach.


Saline infusion. – this is something i have not experienced yet.  i am intrigued and really turned on by the thought of a hot Dom inserting a needle into my scrotum, attaching a bag of sterile fluids, and running about a liter of salt water into my nut sack.  This significantly expands the scrotum making it very noticeable even under clothes.  The class offered here is always done on Friday night which allows for fluid absorption over the weekend making Y/your scrotum less obvious when Y/you return to work Monday morning.  

Building quite a repertoire of sexual acts, aren’t W/we?
Thanks for reading,
boy stray

Assume the Position

It may be a holdover or throwback to the Old Guard Protocol, but i have been thinking a lot lately about learning to assume the position – of a submissive boy to his Dom.  Personally i enjoy standing with my feet apart, hands behind my back and my head down slightly averting my gaze from my Dom’s eyes.  

Also i like the idea of the nude presentation position.  This position is assumed when the Dom wants to see, inspect or scrutinize your body in all its naked glory.  In this position the sub is on his knees with his butt on the floor, and his knees spread allowing full visualization of the genitals.  

There are many positions a submissive should learn to assume when given a command verbally by the Dom, or with just a look or specific gesture by the Dom.  These positions are to remind the submissive or slave of his position in relation to his Dom.  Also the Dom is displaying His power over the submissive by having His submissive assume the position anytime He wishes.  And the submissive is to maintain that position until the Dom issues another command or allows the sub to return to other duties.

One website listed well over thirty different positions a sub could be commanded to assume.  However, some of them were just slight variations from others.  A handful of common and useful poses can and should be learned quite easily by submissives.  

An excellent resource for all things submissive is http://www.submissiveguide.com.  There is a two week program for learning about the positions – the meaning behind the pose and how to assume that position.  It even teaches how to lower yourself to the floor and to get up gracefully.

If this sparks an interest, or you want to practice and perfect your positions this is the ideal site to go to.

Will, Won’t or Maybe Mondays

Today i will write about several FORCED behaviors or activities.  There is a long list of things a Dom can conceivably force a sub to do.  i will not list them all since i assume Y/you know that forced activities are ones the Dom orders/demands/ commands/requires the submissive to do.  

Forced bedwetting is caused by denial of bathroom privileges often after requiring the sub to consume a large quantity of fluids.  In a similar vain the Dom may force a sub to piss their pants either in private or it could even be in public.

Forced homosexuality or heterosexuality.  This speaks for itself.  Forced to have sex or do something that is contrary to your sexual orientation.  i would assume this could be extremely difficult for those who identify completely as one or the other orientations.  As for me, i believe i fit the category of a Kinsey 6, a total homo with no desire or ability to perform sexually with women.  i would likely have to submit to harsh punishment because of my inability to do as ordered regarding forced heterosexuality.

Forced nudity either privately or publicly – nudity forced privately may be in Y/your own home, but with other people present…perhaps other Doms.  Forced public nudity could be in a park, on a hiking trail, or even at a Dungeon party.

Forced eating, Forced exercise, Forced masturbation, Forced servitude and just about any activity the sub would not normally do can be forced by a Dominant.

Another activity i thought i would present is Foot Worship.  Many people have a foot fetish…and i could be counted among them.  Personally i enjoy worshipping the entire male body but “shrimping” as we use to call toe sucking can be very erotic.  The receiver of the foot worship can perceive the adoration of His feet either pleasurably or with disgust.  Some people find nothing sensual about feet.  And others make it their preferred act of reverence for their Dom.   i have been on the receiving end of foot worship but more often i am the worshipper.  Everyone’s feet work hard and carry our bodies everywhere, every day and they don’t get the care and respect they deserve.  If you can’t bring yourself to kiss, lick or suck on feet and toes of your Dom, you can always bring a basin of warm water to your Dom, kneel beside Him, wash His feet slowly and sensually, caressing and massaging them, and then, applying a soothing ,healing and scented lotion to His feet.  If He is not exceedingly ticklish He may thoroughly enjoy and appreciate this form of submission and adoration of His body.  Give it a try.  i think it feels really good, and maybe your Dom will as well.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive 

This morning i can’t sleep yet again.  It’s 3:45 a.m.  My dogs woke me up as they do quite often at this time, and that means i am awake at least a couple hours.  i like Blogging when i wake up, but i have to be careful to double check my writing for nonsensical phrases and for typos – those that i make, and those auto correct changes inaccurately.

Today i will answer two questions again.  
Day 17:  Trust.  What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?

Trust is a vital element in any relationship, but i think even more so in BDSM.   Both the Dom and the sub need to establish trust through openness, honesty, and detailed communication.  Since BDSM is a full on contact activity that can induce pain, bruises, abrasions, and bleeding as well as intense emotional reactions the people involved must be able to develop a trusting relationship even if it only lasts through the scene.  The sub must be able to trust that the Dom will not deliberately hurt them.  They must trust the Dom will lessen intensity or stop all action if a safe word is used by the sub.  Both the Dom and sub need to trust that the other will not expose them deliberately to HIV, Hepatitis, or any other STD.  Each person must trust that all toys and equipment have been cleaned thoroughly before play.  Prior to the scene the sub should express a need for aftercare during and after the play session and trust the Dom will provide it as agreed on.  

And, each needs to trust that the other person is willingly participating and that they will bring excitement, enthusiasm and sensuality into the session.  

Trust is the key to an enjoyable play scene.

Day 18: Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?

When i began to delve into the BDSM Leather community i fervently believed a real sub would never disagree with or contradict what the Dom says or does.  It’s amazing to look back at old journal entries to see how much i have grown and changed over the years.  i still believe the sub must be respectful always of their Doms opinions but that a sub can disagree and voice their own opinion.  Always maintaining respect especially in front of other Doms and subs!  Disrespecting or dishonoring your Dom reflects poorly on Y/you both.  you for being insolent and the Dom for allowing such behavior.  

The desires and needs of the sub must be discussed before any action occurs during the open dialogue about those activities Y/you will and won’t do, Y/your hard limits, contractual specifics, and in working to develop trust between all parties involved.  During a play session the sub can express their needs and desires by vocalizing moans, groans and other noises that demonstrate the sub is enjoying the activity.  Also, i observed once a sub being struck on the back by a bullwhip.  He verbalized “Thank You Sir” each time a sting of pain/pleasure hit him.  It could be agreed prior to play that the sub could say that phrase to indicate the activity is going well and enjoying the play.  And, if/when the sub begins to say it hesitantly or stops saying it altogether the Dom slows down or stops, and checks in verbally with the sub to see if that activity has become too painful.  Some subs may be reluctant to use a safe word thinking they will disappoint the Dom, show their inexperience or low pain threshold, or that they don’t want to acknowledge or otherwise show they are having an intense emotional reaction to the activity.  This is where the need for open communication is paramount for the people in the scene.

Establishing trust and having honest, open and direct communication about needs and desires prior to play is more likely to lead to a successful scene that both the Dom and the sub have thoroughly enjoyed.