The submissive’s Creed

This is a statement of fundamental beliefs and guidelines to which submissive leatherboys can ascribe voluntarily in their interactions with others in the Leather BDSM/Kink community.

This version of the creed was borrowed from http://www.evilmonk.org/

Submissive’s Creed

by
Author Unknown
1. I will communicate with complete honesty my needs, desires, limits, and experience. I realize that failing to do so will not only prevent my Top and I from from having the best experience possible, but can also lead to physical and emotional harm.
2. I will not try to manipulate my Top. I will not push to make a scene go the way I feel it should. In other words, I will not Top from the bottom.
3. I will keep an open mind about trying things that I am not comfortable with and expanding my limits. I will continue to grow as a submissive and as a human being.
4. I will accept the responsibility of discovering what pleases my Top, and will do my best to fufill his wishes and desires.
5. I will not allow myself to be harmed or abused. I know that submissive does not equal doormat.
6. I will be courteous and helpful to my fellow submissives. I will share my knowledge and experience with others in the hope that they will learn and benefit from where I have been. I will take the time to help those new to the scene start out on the correct path.
7. I will be responsive to my Top. I will not try to hide what my mind and body are feeling so that I may assist him in his responsibilities as my Authority. I know that Dominants are not telepaths, and will not expect my Top to know thoughts or feelings which I do not share.
8. I will accept in the responsibility of a scene or relationship gone bad. I will not place total blame on my Top when it is not warranted simply because he is the Dominant. I realize that things may not work out as they should at times, and will do my best to put it behind me and move on.
9. I will give my gift of submission only to those that can responsibly accept and desire to receive. I will not place anyone in the position of Topping me non-consensually, nor will I give my respect to someone that has not earned it.
10. I know that D/s is not a contest, and will never think myself a “better” submissive because I choose to submit on a different level than another. I will not be boastful of the experiences I have had as a bottom.
11. I will be obedient to my Top even if I disagree with what He is requesting. I realize He has my best interests at heart and often knows better than I what I need in a particular situation.
12. I know that my actions reflect upon my Top, and will do my best to help others see Him in a positive way. I will not intentionally embarrass or displease my Dominant.
13. Above all, I will wear my title of submissive with honor. I will never cause others to think that being submissive means to be weak or sub-human. I will take pride in who and what I am and will never show myself in a negative way.

 

Words a submissive can live by!!

Advertisements

More About Protocol

WHAT PROTOCOL IS

Protocol in the Leather BDSM community has been defined simply as etiquette. However it is more than that.  It is the rules, ritualized behaviors, actions and attitudes that govern interactions in a leather relationship and within the broader leather community.

The premise of Gay leather and BDSM protocol is simple: it’s A rank-based system.  It is primarily relationship-based but influences behavior and interaction between people in community, public and social situations.  Within an individual relationship those involved may discuss, come to agreement and implement how they will conduct their personal protocol.  Also, you may see that Leathermen within the same social circle or club will agree on a particular protocol and it is possible that people in the broader leather community practice the same protocol to the point that it becomes a generally accepted protocol as well.  Individuals may opt out of certain protocols, except in situations where protocol is required for particular events or places. Leather bars, for example, sometimes enforce a dress code, which is a popular form of leather protocol.

The intention or objective of leather protocol is to emphasize hierarchy. The SIR and His boy both have protocols to follow, but T/their protocols are different.  The boy’s protocol tends to be more active than his SIR’s.  An example might be when a SIR walks into a room, He enjoys the sight of His boy standing up for Him, but the boy is  the one who has the actual fun and honor of standing up for his SIR.  The SIR’s role is passive in comparison to His boy’s.

To an outsider or someone new to the Leather community protocol can appear quite degrading for the submissive.  However, through education and insight into the Leather community one will begin to understand that when the Dominant and submissive have great respect for one another protocol takes on an entirely new and different meaning.  Furthermore, it will become clear that the rules and behaviors which appear from the outside to be dull and demeaning to the boy can actually be fun and a great honor for the boy to put into practice, especially if he likes/loves/respects the person he is in service to.

In developing protocols within a relationship the SIR and His boy may start by observing those practiced by other Leathermen.  Also T/they may consider the rituals of other institutions, organizations or churches.  T/they may evaluate “proper” societal etiquette, previous personal experiences of observing protocols, or may even develop and institute new rituals for T/their relationship.

The SIR and his boy may try out T/their version of protocol in private first to see and evaluate whether in actual practice it really works for T/them.  Then T/they can adjust or choose to eliminate those actions that just did not fit.  Over time the rules may undergo changes, refinement and growth, and new protocols may be implemented to further enhance the dynamic and intimacy within the D/s relationship.

Below are a few commonly observed protocols:

CLOTHING

At leather events, the mentor and the apprentice will dress appropriately.

The boy may simply wear the traditional leatherboy  outfit of a white tee-shirt, jeans, and black leather boots – a traditional leatherboy outfit.

STANDING

The submissive stands when his Dominant enters the room.  Also his SIR may instruct the boy to stand anytime a Dominant enters the room.  This is a sign of respect.

When standing in a formal manner, the boy assumes a military “parade rest” position: the feet are parted to shoulder-width, and the hands are crossed behind the back.  Some SIRS may have the boy bow his head looking at the floor rather than at his SIR or any other Dominants in the room.

WALKING

The submissive normally walks half a pace behind his SIR, and to the SIR’s right.

According to leather tradition the superior takes the position of honor, on the right.

SERVICE

The SIR may ask His boy to fetch, carry or prepare something. Also, the boy may request to do so even when he was not asked.

Most submissives love service, so every opportunity to serve should be extended to the boy.

When the SIR is standing, the boy bows his head when offering a drink. When the SIR  is sitting, the boy goes down on one knee to offer the drink, which he holds with his right hand while resting the drink on his left palm.

DOORS

In some D/s relationships the SIR opens doors for his boy.  In others, the submissive opens doors for his Dominant.

SITTING

While eating, while in vanilla space, and while in places where it would be inconvenient to do otherwise, the apprentice sits on a chair. Otherwise, he sits on the floor.  In Master/slave arrangements it is common for the slave to even eat while sitting on the floor.

TALKING

In talking about the SIR to others, the boy will refer to Him as “my SIR,”  “my Dominant,” or “Mr. [Last Name].” The SIR will refer to the submissive by his first name; as “my boy,” or “my submissive”; or, in formal situations, by his last name.

EXCEPTIONS

Regular protocol is dropped when it would cause unnecessary discomfort, when it would cause hardship for the submissive or SIR, or when it conflicts with the higher duties of the SIR or boy.

In real life, there will be times when you have to drop protocol because following it would unnecessarily hurt someone. And in real life, a SIR is not simply a Dominant, and a boy is not simply a submissive. Both of T/them have more complex roles, both in relation to one another and in relation to T/their wider communities.

Old Guard, New Guard, No Guard

boy stray wrote a well thought out post on aspects of protocol.  On the way to publishing the post from a blogging assistive app, the entire article vanished.

So, back to the writing table…

i did have the pleasure of hearing International leatherboy, boy jake, speak about Protocol this afternoon.  He regaled the packed audience with the history and meaning of protocol and then discussed what actions and rituals are or can be a part of an agreed upon protocol between a Dom/Master and his sub/slave.  Also touched on was what to do (what protocol to follow) when you go to Aunt Martha’s for Thanksgiving.  Above all it seems open and honest communication up front is paramount in establishing and maintaining protocol.

OLD GUARD

I performed several google searches of “Old Guard Leather” and did not get very thorough or informative results.  There was a somewhat vague reference to the Old Guard developing in the 1940s and 1950s when gay former servicemen from World War II adopted military protocol into the Leather BDSM community.  The protocols were a strict set of rituals and behaviors established to develop a rank-based system that emphasized a hierarchy between Dominants/Tops/Masters and submissives/boys/bottoms/slaves, and even between Dominants.

The protocols required active participation of the sub.  he was the one who served his Sir coffee or a drink in a certain manner; he was the one who stood when a Dom entered the room or assumed a specific position on command.  he walked behind his Master, sat on the floor rather than using the furniture, ate only when the Dom had begun eating, etc.  he served his Sir joyfully, and was deeply gratified to be able to serve his Dominant.  his satisfaction was in providing good service.  The Dom received gratification knowing his sub was well trained, respectful and would willingly meet all of his needs without hesitation.

However, punishment was delivered swiftly for mistakes and repeated infractions in carrying out established protocols.

Well these are the opinions i formed from my readings about what Old Guard might have been like.

NEW GUARD

Again this is my opinion of how the New Guard tradition is interpreted now.  The system asks its members to be sincere, respectful, courteous, honest and polite in our dealings with one another, and between Dominants and their submissives.  The hierarchy remains today but is less rigid than before.  It seems the majority of Dominants today don’t expect all boys to submit to them just because they self identify as a Dom.  Dominants by their experience and tenure in the Leather BDSM world earn the respect of the rest of the community.

Protocols still exist, and are just as important today as they were decades ago.  The establishment of protocols in a Dom/sub relationship can be discussed and agreed upon by both parties involved, and it has even been reported that some subs request a deeper or more difficult level of protocol as an outward sign of the honor and respect they have for their Dom.

subs simply should ask themselves, “how should i behave respectfully in this situation to bring honor and pride to my Dominant?”

No Guard

As a submissive who is fairly new to coming out and working to fit in i have to say i am confused by the blurring of roles in the community.  There is a kind of sliding scale from 100% Dominant to 100% submissive.  It seems more gay Leathermen and boys are falling into the mid range on the scale….also known as versatile.  At the bars, arm and wrist bands are seen on both arms, or hankie flags, keys, or chains are placed in a manner incongruous with other outward signs or mannerisms of established Dom or sub roles.

What’s a total, sub bottom boy to do when he can’t tell if the hot man across the room or the one he is standing next to is another boy, or is in fact a Dom/Top/Master?

Every boy’s Bill of Rights

1. Every boy has the right to have his body, intellect, and emotions protected by his Dom.
2. Every boy has the right to choose the man whom he serves and to discontinue that service and take his leave without being subjected to physical, mental, or emotional abuse.
3. Every boy has the right to be cared for, disciplined appropriately, and allowed to feel pride in his submission.
4. Every boy has the right to protected sex if he so wishes.
5. Every boy has the right to privacy if he so wishes. No boy can be blackmailed, publicly humiliated, or physically coerced into service without his expressed desire to be so.
6. Every boy has the right to defend himself from physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.
7. Every boy has the right to consent or not to consent to sexual activities.
8. Every boy has the right to seek refuge, counsel, and advice from other subs and DOMS without the expectation of sex, money, or any other service in return.
9. Every boy has the right to a physically and emotionally available circle of friends.
10. Every boy has the right to protect his own possessions and finances against intercession, theft, and non-consensual acquisition.

SIRS: Please copy and paste this Bill of Rights into your online profiles if you wish to let subs know how you feel about their rights.

subs, boys, and pups: Please include the Bill of Rights in your online profiles and take a stand against abuse

** This copy of the boy Bill of Rights was found online at http://www.theLeatherjournal.com

Potential Roles for submissives/slaves

I am sharing a link to an excellent post from another Blog that I follow.  It is thought provoking by describing the various roles a submissive/slave may want to consider should they want to live the lifestyle 24/7 or intermittently.

The Blog is dave94015 on WordPress.

Click on the link below, then let me know your opinion about the post, the roles presented, and tell me which role(s) you fulfill or would like to assume for your Dom.

Thanks, and I hope to hear from you soon .

https://dave94015.wordpress.com/2016/05/07/guys-what-kind-of-sub-would-you-be-in-a-flr/

boys of Leather, my New Club

 Years ago in my Internet searches I came across an online presence of a group or club for submissives or boys of Leather.  I returned to the site repeatedly not sure what I was hoping would be there or what may have changed since my last visit.  I even went to the Facebook group looking at the pictures, and wondering when or if I would make contact with them.  They looked “normal” like regular guys.  Friendly even!  But I didn’t do anything.

But, this year, after I was diagnosed with, treated for, and recuperated from anal cancer, I made my move.  After all, I had survived the worst of times with AIDS, nearly dying several times back in the nineties.  Now I was struggling with the living with anal cancer after receiving chemo and radiation.  The after effects were horrendous.  But I came through that tunnel walking toward the light of health, clarity, and determination to continue rising from the flames and ashes of adversity like a Phoenix to live another day more authentically.

I emailed one of the boys who was a board member.  We met for coffee with two other members to discuss the club, how one becomes a member, and to get a feel for each other.  I liked those guys immediately and have met many boys who are all friendly and welcoming.  And I am actually not the oldest boy who is a member.  After attending four meetings and having coffee many times, I was voted into the club at the November meeting.  I feel like I belong.  I have new friends.  I have a social outlet in addition to going out with our other friends.

Another group I would like to join is a club for Doms and subs.  There are educational programs, socials, and business meetings which are rotated monthly.  So far I’ve only been able to attended a couple of Meetings.  There was a demonstration event at a local Leather bar last month that I attended as well.  I wanted to participate, but shyness, insecurities and self-doubt about my abilities got in the way.  Hopefully next time I will volunteer to be the sub for some activity.  I am meeting and getting to know a few more of the members, but none well enough yet to ask one to be my sponsor.  Maybe in a few more months I can move forward with my application.  I enjoy watching the Doms and subs interact with each other as it is another opportunity to learn roles and actions in a D/s relationship.

My affinity for the Phoenix symbol propelled me to get a tattoo.  I wanted a small Phoenix on my thigh and told the tattoo artist exactly what I wanted and the size.  However when I went back to see his rendering of my ideas, the tattoo, which I think is beautiful, was over twice the size I had wanted.  However, I approved it and got it done.  My first tattoo.  Probably my ONLY tattoo.  It was excruciating pain having the Phoenix colored and it took over three hours to complete.  But it was worth it.  It is a beautiful piece of art.

Next up…Old Guard, new guard, or no guard?

Gathering Information & Learning

My foray into the BDSM world began by doing Internet searches and reading everything I could find on “Gay BDSM” “Gay Leather” “Gay Kink” “BDSM submissive” “Dominant/submissive relationships” and every other combination of words & phrases I thought might yield some Internet gold.  I read everything I could find on these topics, and then concentrated largely on “How to Find a Dom” website links.

Google search became my friend.  But it seemed most sites and blog posts were either directed toward young gay men, or toward heterosexual D/s relationships.  But I felt I could learn something from all of them, even the straight oriented sites.

Then, I heard about a website specifically for gay male BDSM/Kink hookups and relationships.  I’ve had a profile on there for about two years; it’s updated periodically, but I have yet to meet anyone beyond the casual online banter back and forth.  Lots of big talkers, but no action!

I sometimes get down on myself thinking I am too old and believing that they think my stamina could not keep pace with them, and as an HIV+ long term survivor I feel perhaps people are afraid of HIV still.  But there are also the older Doms, say 45 years old and up, who ONLY want to meet, talk to or hookup with slender, hairless submissive boy’s under 35 years old.  Some of the Doms aren’t even necessarily that drop-dead gorgeous themselves or athletic in appearance, but they certainly “exclude” a lot of potentially fun subs that would serve them well.
So, that was the hookup sites.  Then I turned to Amazon.com and found a few books that I’ve enjoyed reading and really learned some things in the process.  I read The Complete Leatherboy Handbook, Leathersex, Leatherfolk, Becoming a Slave, and Mr. Benson.  I recommend them all to anyone interested in gay BDSM life and relationships.  Some books are even on Kindle for those of us who need instant gratification.

I found a site called FetLife.  You won’t believe how many Kinksters there are out the in cyberspace or the array of things they get into.  I joined some groups, made a couple online friends, and even a couple friends with whom I met, socialized with and learned from.  I really valued those friendships till I fucked up the most important one.  He is a Dom or Master, well known in the community, an educator, mentor, and runs a very active Leather family household.  We became acquainted through classes he taught.  I confide in him, and he kept me from making big mistakes regarding hooking up with men who were not connected, friended by or known by some of the leaders in the BDSM Leather.  Safety is Paramount in hooking up.  You (I) could easily be hurt or killed by an uneducated Dom, or even by someone who actually intends to do harm.

Anyway back to my major fuck up…I was texting the Master daily just to check in, ask questions, get feedback, and above all follow orders NOT to hook up randomly.  I had this texting and occasional face to face relationship for about a year to a year and a half.  He had van discussed with me beginning an educational program for submissive boys to help them to learn and grow into the role they’ve chosen.  But, I got anxious and impatient that he couldn’t jump in and start as quickly as I wanted. So, a six week class was offered on Exploring submission at my usual BDSM learning forum and I registered.  I did not tell Master that I was taking the class for whatever reason I thought I had.  On the second night of class in walks Master to speak with the instructor and owner of the Leather store.  We hugged but he was cool and aloof.  The next day I texted an apology, but it wasn’t really accepted.  So, my most important relationship in the BDSM Leather community was FUBAR’d- for those too young to know, it means fucked up beyond all recognition!

I think I’ll text him again now that it’s been six weeks since we saw each other.

From hat whole scenario I learned to FUCKING BE TOTALLY HONEST in dealings with other people.

Next time, connections and friends are made…

Back in the Day (First Steps)

Way back when….San Francisco, 1980…I took my first steps in trying to come out as a leather, BDSM, submissive boy.  I had my tight fitting Levi 501 button fly jeans, tee shirts, black leather combat boots, and my wide black leather belt.  The buckle, which I still have, has the emblem for the old Southern Pacific Railroad.  I “dressed up” and headed out to a bar that I think was called The Balcony in the famous Castro area.  The bar had lots of Leathermen with the musky smell of sweat, cigarette smoke, and booze.  Quite a heady mixture.  The music was thumping in the background and the hot men were gyrating to the beat of the hit music of 1980.

At the time I think it was more of a draw toward the Leather, the attitude, and the hyper masculinity of the men, and not the desire for, experience with, or knowledge of BDSM/Kinky sex.  I was exceedingly shy, and therefore didn’t assert myself enough to hookup and experience the excitement of sex with a real Dominant.

Fast forward a few decades after settling into a vanilla, but quite happy and satisfying long term relationship in a fairly large Midwest city.  My BDSM/kink interest was still burning inside me.  I was drawn to the appearance of very masculine men at our local bar, and to pictures of Leathermen and Bears in magazines.  This WAS pre-Internet!  I hooked up with a hot guy once, well maybe twice…who was a Spanker.  It was an exciting and illuminating night giving me hints of the kinky bottom boy I actually was.

Now I live in South Florida and as an older gay man who survived the AIDS pandemic, I have reached that point in my life where I am NOT having a midlife crisis, but rather what I call “a late midlife reawakening.”  I want it all.  I want to keep my husband and my friends and acquaintances here.  But I also want, maybe need, to embrace my true nature, desires, and the community of Leathermen and boys here in my city in Paradise.

I’ve been sneaking, and covertly insinuating myself into the community.  I’ve been attending classes at the big local Leather and fetish emporium learning about flogging, sounds, catheters, watersports, hot wax, percussion play, and most recently how to be a better, prouder, and more knowledgeable submissive.

Next time: Clubs, Friends, Bars, and getting some actual hands-cuffed experience…