i just got home from an evening out on the town to celebrate my husband’s birthday. i dressed in nice vanilla drag…i mean dress casual with my new black jeans on. Of course i wanted to fit in with our friends who dress gay casual…jeans, tee shirt, and sneakers. But i had to honor my kinky side by wearing my wide black leather belt and a jock strap. Instead of my combat boots i wore black leather dress shoes.
First we went to dinner at a very expensive restaurant where the food was fantastic. Then, we went bar hopping to 3 different gay establishments. One was what we in the gay community have always called an S & M bar….meaning stand and model. Everyone looked basically the same. Jeans, sneakers and tee shirt, muscles and little to no body hair. But there were a few guys dressed up in their best gay GQ getups looking all out of place with their brightly colored eyeglass frames, blazer jackets, dress shorts or slacks, and of course a fedora cocked on their heads. These GQ guys looked as out of place as I felt in this club.
Next, we walked down the street a bit and went into a piano bar. It was subdued and gaudy with everything being stark white, even the piano, except lots of faux silver candelabras on every flat surface in the bar, and some even hung on the walls. Each candle had that fluttering flame shaped piece of material with the orange light that kinda makes it look like a real lit candle. This place was t-a-c-k-y! It was filled with “older” gentlemen in their fine preppy clothes. The pianist was a campy gay guy who was extremely enthusiastic as he sang, but had a little glint of crazy about him. We just stood there for a couple tribute songs to singer George Michael. We didn’t even get a drink. Then we scurried down the street (it was a frigid 58 degrees in South Florida) to another bar.
This was a dance bar. Two levels and two separate rooms – one a bar where you could actually hear the people talking and the other a bar with a dance floor filled with big hairy men, little hairy men, and some men in leather. All ages were represented . I think there was an octogenarian with his shirt off, leather harness on, tight blue jeans and wildly dancing, like he was 30 years old again. He was having a fantastic time.
It must have been Bear night, or even Leather or fetish night. The Bears, Leathermen and leatherboys in their harnesses, boots, vests and tight jeans were so hot. We stayed quite a while; i couldn’t get my eyes filled enough with the images i am so comfortable with and attracted to. Hot sweaty masculine men packed the dance floor. Gyrating, men cruising other men, and smiling, and singing along with the music videos…having the best time ever.
It’s great to be alive!
i could smell that familiar musky, sweaty, cigar smoke covered manhood before me. i just wanted some big burly hairy Dom to carry me out to his F-150 and drive me to his dungeon.
i did not want to leave this bar! Really i wanted the three people i was with to leave and let me stay to drink in the images and smells of hyper-masculinity. Ah, fantasies keep me hopeful that one day it all will become a reality.
How do i cope with living in a vanilla world?
Great question! i seem to have two separate identities conjoined at the heart with no one on either side knowing the real totality of me…the true person i am in my heart. i live two lives. There is my Leatherboy, BDSM/Kink personality that likes Leather bars, dungeons, playrooms, XXX movies, Pro Doms, erotic massages, sex in risky places and the pain/pleasure that comes with it all. i do all that as covertly as possible. However, i have stopped hiding my bags of kinky toys at home.
Then, there is the vanilla personality. he stays home doing the dishes, straightening up the house, caring for the animals, paying bills and attending religious services every week albeit in a gay church. he wears clothes to fit in to the mainstream gay community. he sits home most nights watching television. But, he secretly checks hookup apps that cater to his kind of men and his preferred activities, writing my Blog on his IPad, or even texting Pro Doms and potential sex partners. Sex, BDSM and kink ever present in his mind.
That’s my story for today. These are my/his struggles daily. Still searching for the answer to be revealed about how i can blend my personality with His to become one authentic person living proudly as a leatherboy.
I’d love to hear how you cope with the dichotomy.
Thanks for reading,