When Life Tries to Fuck You

When Life tries to fuck you, bend over and hand him the lube. What the hell does that mean?

To me it simply means bad things happen, and they happen to us all. The only thing we can do about it is to know it’s going to happen and to try to be as prepared as possible for it. The more you fight against inevitability, the more difficult and painful it will be.

After months of research, three surgical consultations, and personal 1:1 interactions with other patients I decided on the surgeon to do my penile implant. I was scheduled for the procedure to be done on Wednesday, November 7th. But, I’d been having vague symptoms for seven months like occasional night sweats, sho

rtness of breath with exertion, wheezing and infrequently waking in a panic & feeling like I was suffocating. The cardiologist put me through the hoops doing test after test. All came back negative. So when he ordered a CT Angiogram of the heart i thought it too would be ok.

I waited for my preoperative clearance so the surgery could go ahead as scheduled. In the meantime I made an appointment with a pulmonologist thinking my problems might be in the lungs and not my heart.

My appointment with him was Monday. He read the CTA results and said I had a 70% blockage in the LAD coronary artery…a main artery of the heart. Furthermore, he said my surgery would likely be canceled.

I saw Cardiology Tuesday and he confirmed the report read to me by the pulmonologist. My penile implant would have to wait. I needed a cardiac catheterization and he made it seem like an emergency. So, it was scheduled for Wednesday morning. I would probably need a stent and that would delay my surgery for at least six months.

So, when I woke up from anesthesia after the heart cath the doctor said I didn’t need a stent, but have high pressure in the left ventricle. I was groggy and don’t remember anything else he said. But I wondered what does that do to my ability to have surgery?

This coming Monday I’ll get the full report and recommendations as well as find out when my surgery can be scheduled. I’m hoping the high heart pressure is easily treated. I hope my surgery can be done by mid December.

I had feelings of anger, sadness and fear at first. I was angry my surgery was canceled. I was sad that my return to the ability to have erections was delayed AND that I had yet another diagnosis. And I was afraid of the heart cath procedure itself assuming I would experience multiple complications. But i pressed forward knowing what needed to be done and getting it done as soon as possible.

So you could say I saw that life was about to fuck me over again, but instead of resisting, fighting or denying the inevitability of it, I accepted the reality of the situation – I bent over, handed Life the lube and grabbed my ankles. It helped glide me toward being proactive with my health facing whatever new diagnosis I might get with a new resolve to fight it with all my strength.

What will Monday bring in terms of new diagnoses? New medications? New restrictions or limitations?

Whatever happens I’ll be ready with an extra large bottle of lube. I can take it – both deep & hard if that’s what’s in the cards for me.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

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Life Goes On…

As my readers probably noticed i have not posted in over two months. For that I heartily apologize.

i got lost in my single life and my over zealous pursuit of dick. i am continually checking at least five different hookup sites every day. So if i am not having sex i am seeking that illusive connection.

There is a lot of overlap or redundancy in the members of the various sites, which i understand since i am on them all too. But, it does get old seeing all the same old faces and being rejected by them on multiple sites.   However, there is some “fresh meat” to be found on them all.  But it seems most guys have very narrow types or looks that they go for.

i am extremely fluid in the types of men i find attractive. i do not arbitrarily discard, or left swipe a guy just because he does not fit my ideal man. To me: age doesn’t matter (just be legal age); height doesn’t matter; weight doesn’t matter (except extreme over or under weight); hair color & eye color don’t matter; race, ethnicity and color don’t matter; amount of facial and body hair doesn’t matter; dick size doesn’t matter (but if it’s really large, it’s not going up my ass); being cut or uncut doesn’t matter. The only thing that does matter is that we are attracted to each other and the other person(s) doesn’t object to playing with a total bottom.

If i limited myself to hooking up with only those men who fit my exact type, i would never have sex. Let me paint a picture of my ideal partner: 6’1″ 195 lbs, Latino, dark hair, beard & mustache, defined arms and chest, dad bod, hairy everywhere, uncut and 7″-8″, close to my age, a Dominant Top into BDSM and Kink. Not too much to ask is it?

Since i look for sex a lot and find something sexy or attractive in most…well lots of guys online i click like, smile, growl, woof, cruise, etc. on many profiles. What i get back mostly is dead silence. No response! i realize i am not everyone’s type but statistically i should get more responses than i do. With the lack of returned messages i am left feeling i must be no one’s type.  However, i try to turn it around to affirm myself by saying to myself, “it’s their loss because i am good in bed!”.

Oh well. Life goes on…

i have been out of my relationship for going on five months now. Lately i have started having flashbacks and memories of the good times together like our vacations, worldwide travels, our wedding, and holidays. Nostalgia can be a dangerous thing after the breakup of a relationship. It starting sucking me back in to thinking about going back, trying again. But, calmer minds prevailed.  i left for good and valid reasons.  In five months neither of us has changed and we probably never will.   So, i’m still in my lovely little apartment on the edge of the gay mecca and enjoying life.

Last week i went to see Christopher Robin with the group FTLMovieBears. i ran into a handsome man around my age that i had met at a pool party on July 4th. We talked briefly and then he leaned in and whispered “you’re cute”. The conversation then took on a different tone. When we were leaving he kissed me…on the lips and sent me an email with the group’s contact person’s email so i could sign up for movie notices. When i got home i emailed this handsome man a thank you message and included an invitation to have lunch with me. He said yes, and ever since that night we’ve texted every day throughout the day sharing pictures and sexually explicit messages. We have a lunch date in a couple days.  And then, back to his place. Just one hitch…we are both bottoms. So that’ll be interesting.

And life goes on….

Thanks for reading,                                      boy stray

Beyond Leather: a BDSM & Kinky Conference

The end of April was quite a fun, interesting and educational time. i attended the 11th annual Beyond Leather conference held here in Fort Lauderdale. There were over 500 attendees this year; reportedly the most in attendance in the 11 years.

There were kinksters of every flavor, shape, size, color & race. Although it is Pansexual most of the attendees are heterosexual. Doms and subs. Masters and slaves. And, Polyamorous relationships were not uncommon.

The four day conference was filled with educational workshops presented by experts from across the country, and even from England. I attended workshops on the Male G Spot, Electro Play, Living in Leather, Face Slapping, the fine Art of Giving a Blow Job (i could have taught this class), Activities you can do with Just Your Hands, and the Many Uses of a Bandana. There were many more i wish i could have attended.

There was a raffle, a silent auction, the TPE contest, Keynote speeches, and of course there was dungeon play each night. So basically, something for everyone.

Also, a marketplace was set up so we could purchase new toys, clothing, candles for hot wax play, puppy masks, all manner of Leather, impact play implements, and one table with every kind and size of knife you’d ever want to play with….if you’re into that.

All that activity. All that education. All the people Y/you could meet. All that merchandise to buy. And all that play at night. But the best part was that the registration cost was very reasonable. The most expensive part is the hotel stay for out-of-towners. But, even as a local i may stay there next year rather than run back and forth from home to the venue. i feel like i missed a lot by not staying there with the hundreds of other kinksters attending the conference.

So why don’t Y/you Google “Beyond Leather” and check the site periodically for updates about Beyond Leather 2019.

Hope to see Y/you there next year! Y/you won’t regret it!

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

my Sweet Life in Leather

The day after i published my last blog post i left my husband of many years. He went out socializing with friends that evening so i seized the opportunity and hurriedly ran around the house gathering things i thought i would need, or that i wanted in my new apartment.

The sweat was dripping from me by the time i finished loading what i could get into my tiny, two seat car. i said goodbye to my doggies, and misty eyed i surveyed the house one last time drinking in the memories. Then, i drove away.

i drove not away from unhappiness, but toward a life of joy, freedom, friendships, and immense happiness.

my new life had begun.

i get to decide where furniture is placed. i choose the decor i want. i decide where i want pictures hung, and even the color of my sheets and towels.

Something i hadn’t really explored was the actual cost of starting a new home from scratch. I had to buy sheets and pillows and towels, and dishes and silverware. I had to buy food to stock the refrigerator and pantry. And if i wanted light i had to buy lamps…and light bulbs.

i left most of my clothes at the house simply because it was not on my list of things to grab, so i found myself with only 4 tee shirts, two pair of jeans, and two pair of shorts. BUT, i fucking remembered ALL my leather and toys.

Since i’ve been in my new place i have made up markedly for years of no sex. As of this writing i’ve had sex with or played with more men than you can count on both hands. Some people may think or say i am a slut or a sex addict. But, i won’t put a value judgment on Y/your sex life if Y/you don’t judge mine.

My libido is through the roof. And i hope it stays that way.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

Plans Gone Awry

my Valentine’s gift to myself this year was to be an encounter, a play session, with a Dom from the Northeast USA. He was coming to my area for a marathon race of some sort. W/we met on recon.com.

W/we wrote and texted for about 5 to 6 weeks planning and anticipating O/our brief time together. W/we exchanged additional photos. And i began to feel trustful…well, as trustful as one can be of an unknown Internet persona.

Anyway, He had assured me He was staying close to the city i live in. However, the Monday before Valentine’s Day He said He was staying in an Air B&B house in a city that was a 45 minute drive away from my home. To say i was disappointed is an understatement. Actually i was pissed.

Because of my current relationship status, and the state of my relationship i do not have hours on end to dedicate to BDSM play. It would be one and a half hours just in travel time. And, He wanted a long, possibly overnight encounter, which i could not possibly do.

i suppose my anger and frustration turned inward because i began to feel ill….like i was coming down with a cold. Coughing. Chills. Body aches. Headache. But, i was still planning to go. We’d arranged for the day after Valentine’s Day for my submission to impact play.

On Valentine’s Day i decided not to go. Mostly, it was the drive. And a bit of trepidation about not really being able to adequately vet an out-of-towner. And a tad of generalized body aches and stiffness making me feel and walk like i was 100 years old.

So, unfortunately i missed Sir using His belt and His computer cord (improvisation since He is travelling) to inflict a mutually satisfying, yet heavy play session.

Am i a scaredy cat? Am i too cautious? Have i watched too many episodes of Criminal Minds? Or should i continue to be careful and try to fully vet a new Dom play partner? Should distance NOT be a factor in considering a play session?

What do Y/you think?

It seems i mostly write about an unsuccessful, unfulfilling BDSM Leather life, but really i think it is an accurate reflection of what most people in the lifestyle go through. i don’t mean to be maudlin or discouraging, but rather to impress upon newbie subs that daily encounters with a vast array of Daddies & Doms is not likely to be the norm.

There is no reason to give up. Do as i do. Get out there. Go to events, dinners, play parties, classes, munches, join organizations, go to Leather bars and other venues. The more you get out there and meet people, and they get to know you, the more likely you are to find play partners, and develop a fulfilling Leather BDSM life.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

Ten Things a Dom Expects a sub to know without being told

(This Blog Post is being reposted from The Gay Boy Bible on Tumblr)

“i reblogged a wonderful piece a few days ago, “ten things a sub expects a dom to know without being told.” A really good piece, strong and thought provoking.But as is so often the case here on Tumblr, the emphasis is the same as it is in a porn flick: “It’s all about the girl.” So I decided that this called for a counterpoint to balance the dialectical scales and possibly even spur some discussion. Those who have read the piece I reblogged will recognize some of these 10 items as being more or less identical to the items in that piece. This is by design, and is intended to emphasize that so much of the glue that holds a D/s relationship together is reciprocal.

And so without further ado …

“ten things a dom expects a sub to know without being told”

1. He needs to be the priority. Your Dominant cannot be put in the corner and trotted out when you need him. Make him your priority even during those

times when you think you DON’T need him. Because the truth of it is, even during those times, you secretly do need him, you just aren’t consciously

aware of it.

2. He has emotions and needs them acknowledged. The internet (and Tumblr is especially egregious in this regard) has created the toxic stereotype of

the Dominant as this calm, cold, unemotional Olympian figure who is always as in charge of himself as he is of his submissive. Many a submissive has

run screaming into the night at the sight of her Dominant having a moment of weakness, or self-doubt, or — The Horror! — shedding a tear. Accept that

your Dominant is human, and respect the effort he exerts to be strong and confident for you 99% of the time.

3. Know him better than others. If your Dominant is having emotional difficulties, or even something as “insignificant” as a bad day at the office, you damn well better know it before his friends do.

4. Let him control things (including you). That is his responsibility. Yours is to obey.

5. Abide by the rules. Your Dominant constructs various rules, tasks, rituals, etc, for a purpose. That purpose may not always be obvious to you. It doesn’t have to be. Trust that he knows what he’s doing, and accept the fact that submitting to his rules on a daily basis is just plain hard work. If you’re not willing to put in the work, then you should do some soul-searching and evaluate how deep (or even genuine) your submission really is.

6. Remember that he is yours. This is always reciprocal. Just as he expects your total devotion and commitment and fidelity, you have the right to expect those things from him. To be clear, this is not the same as taking your Dominant for granted. Just as he has to earn those things from you every day, so you also have to earn them from him every day.

7. Appreciate the work he puts into you, and let him KNOW that you appreciate it. Being a dominant (especially in a day-to-day rather than sporadic relationship) is damned hard work. Let him know how much it means to you that he considers you worthy of all that work and direction and energy.

8. Be mindful of your respective positions in the D/s relationship. He is your Dominant. Can you be affectionately playful and impish? Yes; any Dominant who doesn’t relish such from his submissive on occasion has some significant self-confidence issues. Sarcastic or willfully bratty? Not a good idea. Not a good idea AT ALL.

9. Give the same respect you get. If he shows you that, despite the way your relationship might look to the vanillas, he holds you in the highest respect, then return that respect. If you come to the conclusion that he does NOT hold you in the highest respect, you might want to evaluate your relationship and possibly move on.

10. Above all else: he expects your submission to be whole and complete and without reservation, save for those things that the two of you negotiate as equals BEFORE you offer him your submission. Once you submit, he has full right and claim to ALL of you. You don’t get to cherry pick your submission. You don’t get to submit in just those areas where it’s convenient. You don’t get to submit just when you’re in the mood. There are no half-measures with your submission. If you can’t honestly say to yourself that you are all-in, then accept the fact that this means you’re not in AT ALL, and decide what to do about it.”

Pain, Glorious Pain!?

i never thought of myself as a masochist until fairly recently. i really didn’t, and don’t, enjoy the pain i experience daily from arthritis. Those pains are a nuisance and have no intrinsic value. They are there to challenge my life and my resolve every minute of every day. But chosen, inflicted sensual pain is another whole kettle o fish as they use to say.

We’ve most likely all had a hang nail that we had to pull out, or a splinter, a scrape, cut, burn or bruise from an accident around the house. Those things hurt like the dickins. And it wasn’t a good pain.

But, put on some leather, dim the lights and bring out the whips, chains, clamps, and floggers, and we’re having a party. Safe, sane, consensual AND sensual pain i believe releases endorphins that cause the pain to be experienced positively, sensually, and erotically BY SOME PEOPLE.

It turns me the fuck on!!

But most people I would venture to say would argue that any pain during sex is a total turn off/deal breaker/end of the date occurrence.

And to be fair we have to acknowledge that many people have experienced painful traumatic events in their lives whether it was physical, emotional or psychological. That definitely could effect a person’s perception of pain inflicted with erotic intention.

That is why GOOD effective communication before playing is essential. You as the Dom don’t want to be in a scene with someone who has a total meltdown or freak out with that first hard slap on the ass. You need to know beforehand if the sub has ANY issues related to pain, or even to bondage or being restrained.

i mentioned my chronic pain. Well, erotic pain inflicted in a BDSM scene or simple play session for me is a diversion, a redirection of my attention from my chronic pain and giving me, even briefly, the experience of an intense, highly sensual escape from my day-to-day pain and giving me a mind blowing orgasm.

But, i can be a wuss!  At this point i don’t have enough experience to know how much i can take before the erotic pain turns into an “ouch bitch that hurts – Stop!”  The one time i needed to call Red, my safe word, all i could scream to to electro malfunction was “Ouchhhh, stop, stop, stop, that hurts!”  It probably wasn’t the words that evoked His rapid response but more likely my pulling against the restraints with a force reminiscent of King Kong trying to break free from captivity in that scene from the movie where he is on the stage in New York.  Man, that was some major pain.

i tend more toward impact play now, and TT, CBT, hot wax, sounds, ws, bondage, and growing interest in edgier play as long as there is some component of erotic pain included, i am game!

So now i proudly proclaim that i, boy stray, am a masochist.

Give me pain, Glorious Pain!

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

Pup Play

This article was borrowed from a recent Tumblr posting.

Pup Play FAQ

The past several months I’ve had individuals contact me regarding what pup play is from my perspective, and to ask for more resources. Instead of typing it out every time and trying to find the resources I have, I’m just putting it on here so I can share it easily. If someone thinks something should be added/changed/fixed, let me know. I’d rather be corrected so the info on here is reliable and available.

So what is Pup play:

The short answer:
It’s exactly as it sounds. Someone wanting to play the role of (role play) a puppy: on all fours, wagging, barking, playing with toys, eating out of dog bowls, etc.

The longer answer:
Pup play is a form of pet play (animal role play), where an individual wants to take on the role of a puppy dog. This is done by role-playing a puppy, mimicking mannerisms: barking, wagging, begging, playing with toys, sniffing/licking things, eating out of bowls, etc.; for fun.

In the end it’s a fun release, getting into a shift in headspace, and only focusing about what is happening right now. Not what happened earlier, or what will come. Just being a pup in the here and now. That headspace is all about trying to think like a dog and rely more on instinct rather than the complexities of human thought and aspirations.

What pup play is not:

First and foremost, pup play is not about bestiality – no sexual activity involving real bio (biological) dogs. Pup play is also not about humiliation. Most pups do not get into pup for the humiliation factor. They get into pup because it’s fun and a great release. However, while someone may be a pup, they may also be part of, or like other kinks, fetishes, and communities as well. Finally, pup play is not just about sex. While pup play can be a sex positive experience, where the subject of sex is not looked down on. Sex is not the sole purpose of pet play or pup play. It just depends on the nature of the relationship with the pup and/or any other parties involved.

Terms:

Below are a few terms that are used within the pup community. I’ve noticed that some people define these differently, this is just my own generic definitions:

Pup – A person acting the part of a puppy within pup-play.
Alpha – A pup who is a leader in a pack or over other pup(s). This is normally a leadership/guidance role.
Owner – Someone who owns a pup or a pack (multiple pups).
Handler – Someone who is handling a pup on a leash.
PAH – (Puppy and Handler) Is normally a regional/local group specifically for human puppies, handlers, and those interested in pup play.
Biopup/Biodog – Refers to an actual biological dog.
Headspace (pup-space or pupping out) – Is the carefree mental state that happens when in pup play. It’s focusing on living in the moment, and acting with your surroundings on instinct, like a dog would. Putting your own thoughts, fears, ambitions, etc. aside for a time.
Moshing – A puppy mosh, mosh pit, or just mosh, is normally when a group of pups get together and pup out. Most of the time it’s done in a specific area (roped off or matted) for the sole purpose of pupping out.
There are other terms out there and definitions. I suggest reading other resources to learn more about them and/or how others define those terms. There are other resources at the end of this.

Is any gear required to get started:

No, being a pup requires no gear. It’s a mental state and purely up to the individual on how they want to pup. I do recommend at least some basic safety gear for comfort. Mainly due to being on all fours on the floor, they can either be hard on your knuckles and knees, or can give you rug burn, depending on the surfaces you are crawling around on. Some basic knee pads and cheap MMA practice mitts make perfect gear to start out with. But, while I recommend some gear for comfort, I want to repeat this. Gear is never required to be a pup. Below are a few other things you can look at.
Collars – I’ve seen two forms of thought on it. Some say pups should wear a collar and their owner/alpha/handler will give them tags. Others say collars should be given by an owner/alpha/handler. Personally, if a collar will help you get into headspace, go for it! In the end if you get a cheap collar and your owner/alpha/handler wants to give you a more expensive collar and/or tags, you can always switch to using theirs. Again, no one is making the rules on this except you.
Toys – Toys can really make pupping out fun, even by yourself. Think of a real puppy and them playing with chew toys. They can entertain themselves for a long while. Just keep it simple and cheap, soft chew toys are all you need. Though I caution playing with hard chew toys (rawhide, hard plastic, etc.). Human teeth are not the same as bio dog teeth.
Hoods/Muzzles – Hoods and muzzles are good to help a pup get into headspace. They also afford a pup the security of anonymity, which can help a pup when in public places. It also helps a pup look more the part, which again, helps with getting into that puppy headspace; but, by no means required. If starting out, there are cheap options out there, you don’t have to drop $150-230+ on a hood if you are not sure pup-play is your thing.
Any other gear that is out there is there for aesthetic purposes. It can help pups get more into that pup headspace. But, again, it is not required. When starting out, I suggest going cheap. Don’t invest into something you are just going to try out if you are not sure this is something you are going stick with. You can get cheap mitts, kneepads, collar, toys, and a hood/mask for under to around $100. If it’s something after a time, you enjoy, you can always invest and upgrade to better gear.

How do I get started:

A lot of times, starting out, people over think it. Try dropping down on all fours and sniffing around, viewing your surrounds on all fours, and starting to think like a puppy. You might want to get on YouTube and watch some videos on how puppies/dogs act. Or, read the numerous dog training resources that are out there on the internet to get some background on training puppies/dogs to give you better insight on how puppies/dogs behave.
Choosing a puppy name and or breed:
Choosing a name is purely up to the individual and or owner/pup relationship. Names can always be changed to best suit a pup. So if you choose a name and get an owner who changes it to something more suiting, nothing is wrong with that. Again, pup is purely defined on your terms.
Breed is the same way; it’s purely up to the pups’ discretion as to what breed they choose if one at all. Let me be clear, you do not need to have a breed to be a pup. It’s just flavor, a bit of color to the experience. If you are looking into a breed, look at the traits certain breeds have, that align closely with how you feel. And, you don’t have to pick a breed due to your body type. I know a huge guy that looks like a linebacker 6’+ tall, that’s a Chihuahua. I know a very small guy who’s a St. Bernard. It’s just flavor to help you identify more as a pup.

Other Resources:

Take this and any other resource with a grain of salt. There is no right or wrong way to be a pup. There isn’t a rule book that states there is a specific way to do something, or set standards that has to be followed – other than common sense. These are just my answers. This and all other resources are just guides to help you. I can’t stress this enough, however you pup, so long as you are happy and comfortable, go for it.
And, I wholeheartedly suggest getting out and involved with a Puppy or PAH (puppy and handlers) group in your area. You can read all you like, but actually interacting with other pups in the community, you gain a wealth of knowledge by actually participating. You may also want to look at your local Leather/BDSM community, which is normally pretty accepting of puppy play and will have resources for you to help you out.
Below are other resources on puppy 101 – beginning stuff to read into. I highly recommend reading these resources and any others out there to get ideas to figure out how you want to pup.

Resources on pup play:

Other online guides, sites, and books:
Woof! – Perspectives into the Erotic Care & Training of the Human Dog
Puppy 101 by Papa Woof Roth – Pup
Puppy Moshing 101 by Papa Woof Roth – Pup
Puppy 101 NEPUPS
Azure-Chaos – Caring for your Human-Pup
SiriusPup
International Puppy Contest
Puppy Bill of Rights
Wikipedia – Animal Roleplay

Online Forums on Pup-Play:

Puppy 101 Facebook page
Pup Zone – For guys into dog/pup roleplay
The Kennel – A Social Network for Human Pups and Their Masters

Gear:

The Happy Pup – Gpup’s Puppy Play & Pup Play Gear Guide
Info on Pup play and Pup play Gear
Mr. S Leather
Look under the puppy section on the left menu.
GRR Bear-Masks
Great handmade masks without breaking your budget. The owner will work with you to create a mask custom for you.
Rubber Dawg – Custom rubber hoods
The Well Kept Pet – Custom Leather Pet Play Masks
Dog House Leathers
The link is to their “Puppy Stuff” page
Fetish Zone
Has a lot of kinky stuff on their site, including a pup play section, as well as a pony play section

Now go out and get your puppy on…

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

Naive & Gullible, a Dreamer, or Just a Sucker

If memory serves me correctly over the last ten months i wrote about my dalliances into possible romantic and/or BDSM connected relationships. None has panned out i thought primarily because they were long distance romances. It is extremely difficult to keep a long distance relationship going without a strong commitment, openness, honesty, and having interests in common.

Recently the sucker (me) was being reeled in once again until i remembered similar words and phrases not typically said by American or for that matter British men in an online context. i had enjoyed being contacted on recon.com by the handsome middle aged man in San Francisco who found me attractive and my profile enticing. Then, several days and several texts later, i read, "dear, I've missed you dear". This was very similar to the phrasing my last Nigerian?? scammer used. So, i immediately blocked and reported the person to recon.com.

Since this has happened more than once i think my forehead and profile must have a sign reading, "sucker available". And i am not implying the good kind of sucker…a cocksucker.

So, why does this keep happening? i suppose i should just chalk it up to the thousands of professional online scammers out there preying on the lovelorn, and the seemingly desperate older love seekers. They know what to say, how to compliment, how to get the victim to talk about themselves while sharing little information about themselves. After a couple weeks of stringing the victim, the patsy, along, the scammer asks for a relatively small amount of money for something extremely important. If the patsy sends the money, they will likely send even more as they are strung along.

Red flags that Y/you May Be the Target of a Scam:

  • Stilted English used by the person in text
  • Incorrect use or inaccurate stating of idioms
  • Using terms of endearment very quickly such as "dear"
  • Quickly professing love to Y/you
  • Offering many compliments
  • Conversation that is actually superficial – lacks depth and equal amounts of personal sharing
  • No response to specific questions Y/you might ask someone with whom Y/you are seeking a Relationship
  • Requests for a new picture be taken at a well known site in their city will be ignored or another pic of the person they are representing themselves to be will be stolen from the Internet
  • They will ask for money and only Y/you can help them with this problem or situation
  • They suddenly cut off communication if questioned or the money is not sent

Look for these clues with every strange new person who contacts Y/you on a dating or hookup site.

Be safe, don't be a victim –

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

Commandments for Dominants and submissives

Commandments

Ten Rules for Dominants / Ten Rules for Submissives
from the Society of Janus: http://www.soj.org/
 
The author of these two article is unknown. They have appeared in an early issue of Growing Pains,  the Eulenspiegal Society's Prometheus  magazine, and the July, 1980 Growing Pains.   A representative of the Society of Janus has attributed ownership to SOJ — http://www.soj.org/ — but was unable to identify the author.

 
Ten Rules for Dominants
Ten Rules for Submissives
1
Be Patient
Until you enter into a contract with a submissive, you have no more right to order him/her around than does anyone else. Give you bottom time to get to know you and what you like. Finesse and subtlety are major elements of dominance. Similarly, strength and gentleness go hand in hand. The sensitivity and awareness (or lack thereof) that you show in the real world is likely to be repeated in the playroom.
Be Patient
A potential top will let you know if she or he is interested in you or not. Keep in mind that your purpose as a submissive is to serve and to satisfy someone who will take into consideration the realization of your fantasies. Don't expect your top to be able to turn on like a light switch. The timing must be right for both of you.
2
Be Humble
You may be God's/Goddess' gift to the world, but no one needs to hear it or wants to hear it. You will have ample opportunities to show how good you are – and plenty of opportunities to make a fool of yourself. No matter what you claim, the "real you" will show through in a scene. Don't set yourself up for a failure by developing expectations that you know you can never reach.
Be Humble
You may be God's or Goddess' gift to the world and the most sought after prize in town, but no one needs to hear it or wants to hear it. You will have ample opportunity to show how good you are. No matter what you claim, the "real you" will show through in a scene. Don't set yourself up for failure by developing expectations that you know you and your top can never reach.
3
Be Open
Although the top is classically considered to be the teacher in SM, you can always learn from your bottom, no matter how inexperienced. Be willing to learn from other dominants who may have a totally different perspective from yours. Try to approach by-now-familiar trips with an attitude of wonderment and discovery. Be aware that everyone has her or his own personal style.
Be Open
You can learn something about SM and about yourself from everyone into the scene, no matter how experienced or inexperienced they are, or how dominant or submissive they are. SM is a very personal art, and an "I already know it all" attitude will make you miss valuable SM lessons and experiences, and ignore potentially valuable SM friends.
4
Communicate
You are responsible for finding out basic, essential information about the people you play with, such as experience, limits, likes and dislikes, and health information. Playing SM without this knowledge is like Russian Roulette. Talk about your head-space and you review of SM with your bottom, so that any uncertainties can be dealt with before you start playing. Clearly spell out roles, rules, limits and contracts. Do not take for granted that your bottom instinctively knows the ground rules.
Communicate
Verbalization is necessary, but at the appropriate time and in the appropriate way. Your top needs to know basic information about you, such as experiences, fantasies, health concerns, and turn-offs. But -unless it's an emergency – wait until your top asks. Don't expect your dominant to be a mind-reader instinctively knows your needs, wants, and limits. Your cooperation will enhance the scene for both of you.
5
Be Honest
If you lack experience in an area that your bottom would like to experiment with, be honest about it. Your partner has a right to know that. Be honest with yourself and take your submissive only to those levels at which you are completely in control of the situation. Safety should always be the first concern, taking priority over how hot a particular scene is.
Be Honest
Don't be afraid to share your needs and fantasies. Your dominant expects it. Honesty about your wants, health concerns, and turn-offs is essential to a good scene. Lying or being less than candid can only lead to problems, as the top will base the scene on inaccurate information. Besides causing problems, it can be dangerous.
6
Be Sensitive
There's a very fine line between a sensitive, caring dominate and a self-righteous, insensitive overbearing clod. Your scene should be a creative synthesis of you needs and fantasies, and your bottoms needs and fantasies. Although, on the surface, your submissive is serving you, what actually is happening is that dominant and submissive are serving each other. Earn the complete trust of your submissive and never violate or even threaten to violate that trust. His or her submission is a gift to you. Use it appropriately.
Be Vulnerable
Your scene is a two-way street. It is not just the physical realization of your prior fantasies. If you want to limit your experience to certain physical and psychological stimulation, then contract with your top ahead of time. But don't always expect your top to be a puppet in a fantasy play you've written in your head. It's far better to let your top surprise you, to extend your limits, to take you to places you're never been before. When you trust your top completely, let her or him know it, and let him or her guide you into new fantasies.
7
Be Realistic
End the scene with the bottom wanting more, not wishing there had been less. Remember that power, control, and sensitivity are the keys, no just the intensity of the stimulation. Be clear about what is fantasy, and has little to do with what works in practice. Your favorite porno picture books may be stimulating in themselves, but don¹t try to imitate them to the last detail.
Be Realistic
Your dominant is human, and even the most experienced tops have moments of awkwardness and indecision. Don't call attention to what you perceive as a lapse. Know the difference between reality and the fantasy world you see in books and magazines. Few tops are rich enough to afford a large dungeon with a lavish layout of equipment…Your top's equipment is expensive – respect it and don't abuse it.
8
Be Really Dominant
Submissives are looking for someone who will take over their body and mind, not just for brute strength. Real people are wanted, not just cardboard images from ads or stereotypes. Your dominance enhances you whole existence. It does not cover up or substitute for other areas of your life – it is you. Make your submissive fall in love with you, and expect them to give themselves up to you totally. Follow up on rules, expect obedience, and punish appropriately when it is called for. Don¹t shirk your responsibility to your bottom or to your sister/fellow tops. Be dependable and expect dependability. You have agreed to take the dominant role – now take it!
Be Really Submissive
This is the whole point. Let your dominant take you over completely. Don't coach or second guess or be critical of your top. Exchange information on your special needs before the scene starts, but once it starts be quiet! If you insist on running a scene to your own specifications, then you should try being a top. You have agreedto limitations of your own power. Stay within those limitations. Respect and obey your top and expect punishment if you don't. Accept it gracefully and cheerfully. Your top has many things to be concerned with, including your safety and what turns you on. Be loyal and dependable and enjoy your role.
9
Be Healthy
Like any strenuous activity, SM requires that its participants be in top physical and emotional health. Many factors, including the amount you sleep, your eating habits, your alcohol and drug intake affect your performance and endurance during a scene. Don¹t attempt to do SM when your physical or emotional energy is low. As a dominant you have a special responsibility to be in control of yourself and on top of the scene. An attitude of ³drugs and alcohol don¹t affect me that much…I can do it anyway² violates your submissive¹s trust in you and can be dangerous. If you don¹t want to accept the responsibilities, you shouldn¹t be playing the game!
Be Healthy
SM, like any strenuous activity, requires that its participants – both active and passive – be in top physical and emotional health. The amount you sleep, your eating habits, your alcohol and drug intake, and everyday stress affect your response and endurance during a scene. Your dominant needs to know when your physical or emotional energy is low. No matter how tempting a scene sounds, an "I want it all now" attitude when you aren't able to give your all will leave both of you feeling let down. You serve your dominant and yourself by staying healthy.
10
Have Fun
After all, sex is all about having a good time. You have earned, and you are entitled to the unique, intense pleasures which come from responsible, creative SM play.
Have Fun
After all, sex is all about having a good time. You have earned and you are entitled to the unique, intense pleasure which comes from responsible, creative SM play.

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