Excitement and Anticipation 

In approximately 36 hours i fly away to a weekend long BDSM oriented workshop that incorporates intimacy with the play scenes.  i am approaching the weekend with excitement,  anticipation, and a mixture of fear.  Y/you see i hate flying.  i have passed on trips to Europe because of fear of flying.  But this short workshop was so enticing i could not let the opportunity to attend pass me by.  So i sucked up my courage and bought my ticket.  

i don’t know what to expect really, other than we were told to bring rope of 4 specific lengths and given the option to bring other toys like floggers and paddles.  i guess i am expecting some education and practice with bondage and impact play.  W/we were given a few writing assignments to complete prior to arrival and were told we could bring some favorite accessories.

The accessories i am taking are a couple of cock rings, a penis plug, and cock cage/chastity device.  Also, i have packed my leather vest with my boy’s club patch on it.

i am hoping to learn and experience a great deal in this brief weekend training.  While i have attended an intimacy workshop and numerous BDSM classes, this is the first combination of the two.

my flight leaves at 6 am Friday and i return Monday night late, so i may not get to post my after event musings until Tuesday, but then again, i do have a lot of airport downtime coming home.

More later.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

It Finally Happened

Lots of texts messages, titillating electronic conversations, planning and scheduling happened between the Dom and me. 

Then, it finally happened.  Schedules aligned, His health was stable, my fears were lessened and my desire for a real BDSM play session was the only thing i could think of.

i was ordered to wear leather.  i did.  i arrived exactly at the designated time. When i walked into the condo Sir was seated on the sofa wearing a black SIR t shirt and red nylon shorts.  Also, He was tethered to a really long oxygen tube.  i stood at attention awaiting directions, orders, the offer to be seated or the offer of a drink.  I received none.  He proceeded to talk, and talk, and talk.  Approximately an hour later i was shown the balcony area and the bedroom…And a walkin closet full of leather vests, pants, covers and caps, an extremely heavy full leather jacket and dozens of t shirts.  Then, i was shown the toy box filled with everything you could think you might need.  A flogger and paddle hung on the wall.

By now i had been there going on two hours.  And so far no sex, no play, no nudity, and not even a drink of water. 

He decided it was time to play.  Mostly He was feeling up to deep kissing which was very sensual and a big turnon.  Also, He was into receiving oral sex.  He did return fellatio with a bit of genital pain included…a nice touch.  He did do some impact play while He was being done – such as hard slaps to the pecs and ass slaps.

He wanted desperately to get off, but could only accomplish that with intense pain to His nipples.  i bit one so hard i feared severing it or at least inducing severe bleeding. The other nipple i gripped tightly, pinched and twisted as hard as i possibly could.  He exploded in relief.

In the post coital conversation He said He was more bottom, a pain pig, wanted to get fucked, couldn’t be with a total bottom, and how much He relies on intense pain to reach orgasm. This is everything i am and the opposite of what i want in my Dom.

He is a Dominant who is a sexual bottom??

i am confused.  Disappointed. 

i want a Dom who is a Top – a total Top.  He may have been a sub bottom before, but now He needs to be exclusively a Top. i am a bottom, a sub bottom.  Not a switch.  Not versatile.   A Bottom.

Saturday He texted wanting to flog me.  i wanted to in ways, but made up an excuse so i wouldn’t have to go.  i remain disappointed that He is the opposite of what i want/need.  i need to be honest with him but i am not sure i can be.  But, i will try.

boy stray’s quest continues…

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

Getting Back on the Horse

i have always heard “if you fall off a horse, get right back on it!”

So, that’s what i hope to do.  i have chronicled my ups and downs searching for a Dom, a play partner…just someone with whom i could relieve this intense pent up need and desire.  Then out of the blue i sent an innocuous ‘smile’ from a hookup site to a Dom.  He responded favorably.  W/we emailed quite a bit. Then i gave Him my cell number so He could text me.  W/we have texted nearly every day for a week.

From O/our conversations W/we believe W/we are each other’s “type” meaning overall looks, likes and dislikes, and similar fetishes and kinks.

However, He is recuperating from a serious illness which has left Him weak and easily fatigued.  The stars aligned next week for U/us to meet socially to size each other up, discuss in more detail our BDSM likes, hard limits, begin negotiations, and if all goes well set up a play date as His health will allow.  Originally W/we were going to hookup Wednesday night, but i reached out to do the social interaction first, then proceed if all goes well.

Y/you never know.  There might be a funny vibe that is felt, or a word or phase that strikes you as concerning or a red Flag warning.  Everything I read says to follow your gut feeling.  If anything seems strange or out of the ordinary end the interaction.  Also, I read not to meet socially and end up at the person’s place the same day.  Too risky.

i am trying not to expect too much, or to begin planning O/our Leather wedding, but i do hope a mutual friendship develops as a D/s relationship of sorts with periodic play that meets both O/our needs.

Early in my Blogging i wrote a post about “Someday He’ll Come Along”, and He was a knight on a white horse. This time my imagery is of myself trying to get back on the horse since my earlier posts about a potential budding relationship between a Master and me told how it went down in flames, and how it made me feel.

What i think i am slowly learning from that experience is that if someone says you are not their type, or they don’t have time to deal with you, or you begin to feel you are being played, ignored or used, or your relationship actually ends…there is someone else out there for you.  Y/you may kiss a lot of frogs along the way but someday He’ll come along.  You just have to be ready to get back on that horse.

Last night W/we spent about six hours texting about life, health, kink, relationships, what each of U/us is looking for, and even some titillating texting.

W/we moved up our meeting to today.

W/we had lunch together.  He liked me and wants to play!

Thanks for reading,

boy stray  

Back to “Normal”

i wrote months ago about an awkward situation with my vanilla husband related to my association with the Leather community and a particular Leather Master.

It was a long, long period of estrangement and hurt feelings because of a misunderstanding and jumping to conclusions on his part. Very slowly and with tiny baby steps he worked his way back from near divorce to practically being back to normal  – or at least the way it was before my misdirected text message. He is still trying to understand my attraction to or seemingly sudden affinity for Leather and BDSM.  But, that is something he still has to work through. His passive aggressive comments haven’t had any effect on me, which is different for our relationship. i use to easily bend to his will.

Another almost back to normal relationship is with the Person i called my Mentor, Protector, and Guardian even though He never verbalized that He was taking on any of those roles with me.  W/we too had a misunderstanding months ago. i pleaded and begged Him not to turn His back on me.  i apologized profusely even though i think what i did was not any kind of direct offense to Him or disobeying orders. However, it did involve not telling Him that i was taking a six week class on exploring submission.  And as fate sometimes has it, He visited the instructor the first night of class and saw me waiting for it to begin. He was cold, aloof, and wouldn’t respond to texts after that night.

Anyway, i eventually gave up trying to reestablish a relationship with Him.  Then, after i attempted to start a BDSM mentoring group  – not too successfully  – i reached out to Him for help. W/we talked through text many times with me trying to describe my vision for the group and listening to His suggestions.  W/we then came to an agreement to work together to try to generate interest and build a group. Even with Sir’s guidance the group didn’t take off.  Guess there isn’t as much need for mentoring in the gay BDSM community as i thought or else i just didn’t get the word out enough.

Now when i see Sir out He always asks for a hug.  Recently i attended a class He taught on Hot Wax play.  i had taken the class before but wanted to continue to solidify the relationship between U/us, to support Him in His class, and to meet a newbie guy i had met on FetLife. 

So, if you allow enough time to pass sometimes with love or a strong desire to reestablish a relationship with a lover, spouse, or BDSM M/mentor it can be done.  But, in these to instances i believe my spouse and i had a strong love connection beforehand. With Sir there was deep respect, and an instance where He was critically needed and valued, and i showed perseverance in trying to reestablish O/our previous sense of comfortability. And eventually He responded favorably. 

Wishing Y/you peace, love, and little drama in Y/your relationships. 

Thanks for reading, 

boy stray