Pup Play

This article was borrowed from a recent Tumblr posting.

Pup Play FAQ

The past several months I’ve had individuals contact me regarding what pup play is from my perspective, and to ask for more resources. Instead of typing it out every time and trying to find the resources I have, I’m just putting it on here so I can share it easily. If someone thinks something should be added/changed/fixed, let me know. I’d rather be corrected so the info on here is reliable and available.

So what is Pup play:

The short answer:
It’s exactly as it sounds. Someone wanting to play the role of (role play) a puppy: on all fours, wagging, barking, playing with toys, eating out of dog bowls, etc.

The longer answer:
Pup play is a form of pet play (animal role play), where an individual wants to take on the role of a puppy dog. This is done by role-playing a puppy, mimicking mannerisms: barking, wagging, begging, playing with toys, sniffing/licking things, eating out of bowls, etc.; for fun.

In the end it’s a fun release, getting into a shift in headspace, and only focusing about what is happening right now. Not what happened earlier, or what will come. Just being a pup in the here and now. That headspace is all about trying to think like a dog and rely more on instinct rather than the complexities of human thought and aspirations.

What pup play is not:

First and foremost, pup play is not about bestiality – no sexual activity involving real bio (biological) dogs. Pup play is also not about humiliation. Most pups do not get into pup for the humiliation factor. They get into pup because it’s fun and a great release. However, while someone may be a pup, they may also be part of, or like other kinks, fetishes, and communities as well. Finally, pup play is not just about sex. While pup play can be a sex positive experience, where the subject of sex is not looked down on. Sex is not the sole purpose of pet play or pup play. It just depends on the nature of the relationship with the pup and/or any other parties involved.

Terms:

Below are a few terms that are used within the pup community. I’ve noticed that some people define these differently, this is just my own generic definitions:

Pup – A person acting the part of a puppy within pup-play.
Alpha – A pup who is a leader in a pack or over other pup(s). This is normally a leadership/guidance role.
Owner – Someone who owns a pup or a pack (multiple pups).
Handler – Someone who is handling a pup on a leash.
PAH – (Puppy and Handler) Is normally a regional/local group specifically for human puppies, handlers, and those interested in pup play.
Biopup/Biodog – Refers to an actual biological dog.
Headspace (pup-space or pupping out) – Is the carefree mental state that happens when in pup play. It’s focusing on living in the moment, and acting with your surroundings on instinct, like a dog would. Putting your own thoughts, fears, ambitions, etc. aside for a time.
Moshing – A puppy mosh, mosh pit, or just mosh, is normally when a group of pups get together and pup out. Most of the time it’s done in a specific area (roped off or matted) for the sole purpose of pupping out.
There are other terms out there and definitions. I suggest reading other resources to learn more about them and/or how others define those terms. There are other resources at the end of this.

Is any gear required to get started:

No, being a pup requires no gear. It’s a mental state and purely up to the individual on how they want to pup. I do recommend at least some basic safety gear for comfort. Mainly due to being on all fours on the floor, they can either be hard on your knuckles and knees, or can give you rug burn, depending on the surfaces you are crawling around on. Some basic knee pads and cheap MMA practice mitts make perfect gear to start out with. But, while I recommend some gear for comfort, I want to repeat this. Gear is never required to be a pup. Below are a few other things you can look at.
Collars – I’ve seen two forms of thought on it. Some say pups should wear a collar and their owner/alpha/handler will give them tags. Others say collars should be given by an owner/alpha/handler. Personally, if a collar will help you get into headspace, go for it! In the end if you get a cheap collar and your owner/alpha/handler wants to give you a more expensive collar and/or tags, you can always switch to using theirs. Again, no one is making the rules on this except you.
Toys – Toys can really make pupping out fun, even by yourself. Think of a real puppy and them playing with chew toys. They can entertain themselves for a long while. Just keep it simple and cheap, soft chew toys are all you need. Though I caution playing with hard chew toys (rawhide, hard plastic, etc.). Human teeth are not the same as bio dog teeth.
Hoods/Muzzles – Hoods and muzzles are good to help a pup get into headspace. They also afford a pup the security of anonymity, which can help a pup when in public places. It also helps a pup look more the part, which again, helps with getting into that puppy headspace; but, by no means required. If starting out, there are cheap options out there, you don’t have to drop $150-230+ on a hood if you are not sure pup-play is your thing.
Any other gear that is out there is there for aesthetic purposes. It can help pups get more into that pup headspace. But, again, it is not required. When starting out, I suggest going cheap. Don’t invest into something you are just going to try out if you are not sure this is something you are going stick with. You can get cheap mitts, kneepads, collar, toys, and a hood/mask for under to around $100. If it’s something after a time, you enjoy, you can always invest and upgrade to better gear.

How do I get started:

A lot of times, starting out, people over think it. Try dropping down on all fours and sniffing around, viewing your surrounds on all fours, and starting to think like a puppy. You might want to get on YouTube and watch some videos on how puppies/dogs act. Or, read the numerous dog training resources that are out there on the internet to get some background on training puppies/dogs to give you better insight on how puppies/dogs behave.
Choosing a puppy name and or breed:
Choosing a name is purely up to the individual and or owner/pup relationship. Names can always be changed to best suit a pup. So if you choose a name and get an owner who changes it to something more suiting, nothing is wrong with that. Again, pup is purely defined on your terms.
Breed is the same way; it’s purely up to the pups’ discretion as to what breed they choose if one at all. Let me be clear, you do not need to have a breed to be a pup. It’s just flavor, a bit of color to the experience. If you are looking into a breed, look at the traits certain breeds have, that align closely with how you feel. And, you don’t have to pick a breed due to your body type. I know a huge guy that looks like a linebacker 6’+ tall, that’s a Chihuahua. I know a very small guy who’s a St. Bernard. It’s just flavor to help you identify more as a pup.

Other Resources:

Take this and any other resource with a grain of salt. There is no right or wrong way to be a pup. There isn’t a rule book that states there is a specific way to do something, or set standards that has to be followed – other than common sense. These are just my answers. This and all other resources are just guides to help you. I can’t stress this enough, however you pup, so long as you are happy and comfortable, go for it.
And, I wholeheartedly suggest getting out and involved with a Puppy or PAH (puppy and handlers) group in your area. You can read all you like, but actually interacting with other pups in the community, you gain a wealth of knowledge by actually participating. You may also want to look at your local Leather/BDSM community, which is normally pretty accepting of puppy play and will have resources for you to help you out.
Below are other resources on puppy 101 – beginning stuff to read into. I highly recommend reading these resources and any others out there to get ideas to figure out how you want to pup.

Resources on pup play:

Other online guides, sites, and books:
Woof! – Perspectives into the Erotic Care & Training of the Human Dog
Puppy 101 by Papa Woof Roth – Pup
Puppy Moshing 101 by Papa Woof Roth – Pup
Puppy 101 NEPUPS
Azure-Chaos – Caring for your Human-Pup
SiriusPup
International Puppy Contest
Puppy Bill of Rights
Wikipedia – Animal Roleplay

Online Forums on Pup-Play:

Puppy 101 Facebook page
Pup Zone – For guys into dog/pup roleplay
The Kennel – A Social Network for Human Pups and Their Masters

Gear:

The Happy Pup – Gpup’s Puppy Play & Pup Play Gear Guide
Info on Pup play and Pup play Gear
Mr. S Leather
Look under the puppy section on the left menu.
GRR Bear-Masks
Great handmade masks without breaking your budget. The owner will work with you to create a mask custom for you.
Rubber Dawg – Custom rubber hoods
The Well Kept Pet – Custom Leather Pet Play Masks
Dog House Leathers
The link is to their “Puppy Stuff” page
Fetish Zone
Has a lot of kinky stuff on their site, including a pup play section, as well as a pony play section

Now go out and get your puppy on…

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

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While the Cat’s Away, the mouse Might Play

my husband is out of town with friends enjoying a huge gay annual event (Gay Days in Orlando) filled with sun, pool parties, evening activities, concerts, and yes, probably lots of sex!!

But i am fine with that.  In fact i encouraged him to go so i could have some free time to go out and immerse myself into the Leather BDSM and Kink community. And maybe, just maybe, i will hookup with a Dom for a play scene.

my first free night was Thursday.  i planned my night, cleaned up – inside and out – just in case, and dressed in nice jeans, leather themed black tee shirt, and my leather bar vest.  

Uber got me to the bar between 9:30 and 10 pm.  i know…kinda early, but it was a school/work night.  i thought men would be out early.  The bar’s theme night was a “bulge” contest at midnight.  Surely i could moderate my drinking, cruise hot leather men, and socialize till the contest began.

As i walked into the Ramrod i saw the bar was sparsely populated, but there was a cute “Bear” seated across the bar.  He gave me The Look!  So i situated myself a couple seats from him and ordered a beer.

Mistake!

He was a BIG talker.  He was a bottom.  He said he wanted to suck my dick and have me spank him.  He was really drunk.  He did buy me a beer and a shot of bourbon.  Then, he suddenly leaned/fell toward me and stuck his tongue in my mouth.  Hmm.  What to do? Am i desperate?

Then, his partner arrived and i took the opportunity to hurriedly excuse myself.  

Friday night i pondered three choices.  i thought of going to a kind of fun, but seedy neighborhood bar, or to the a gay men’s sex club, or to a bathhouse catering to more mature men.  Friday was all about getting laid!

So, i ended up watching the last two episodes of The Amazing Race on Cable that i had missed.  And i was in bed by 11:30 pm.

i started writing this post this morning, Saturday, 6/3/17, which will likely show as the post date.  However, i have two more free nights of planned debauchery. 

Tonight there is an extremely popular monthly themed party at the Leather bar, The Ramrod, called Pig Dance. i AM going!  i AM going!  i will have to take a bar nap this afternoon so i am not to tired to go.  But, i AM going!  That’s my mantra for today.

The last Pig Dance i attended a few months ago had hundreds of hot men in all manner of dress and undress – from full Leather down to just a jock and boots.  They were all ages probably 20 to 80s, bears and twinks, hairy and smooth.  It was a smorgasbord of man meat.

i have no doubt the bar will again be packed to the rafters and even spilling out into the rear patio and the front parking lot.  It’s a dizzying aroma of sweat, male sex pheromones, booze, and cigarette & cigar smoke.  And the cacophony of thumping music and loud conversations will be deafening. But what fun.  The atmosphere is highly sexual and energizing. 

i went!  It was crowded and loud and smoky.  It was everything I expected.  But, i, i, was so uncomfortable in my own skin, in my own Leather, that i had one beer, walked around once and left about thirty minutes later.  Then, i took Uber to another bar, a small neighborhood bar, but it is actually situated in a commercial area.  It was busy.  When i walked in all the guys turned to see the new meat arrival.  i was cruised by a couple guys, but again i was bored and went home after about forty five minutes.

my mood and self esteem were low.  i wasn’t really sure i wanted to go out and probably shouldn’t have.  But, to counter the loneliness and insecurity I could have/should have asked one of my buddies to go with me.  But i didn’t!  

Those little tapes that play over and over in our heads sure can fuck up an otherwise great time.  

Sunday was my Leather boy’s club meeting.  i went and was upbeat and talkative.  Short meeting.  A couple of us went for a drink.  Enjoyed myself.  i thought i might go to a sex club Sunday night but didn’t – i shall tell Y/you why in my next post! 

Sorry to be a Debbie-downer this post.
Thanks for reading,

boy stray

Questions about being a submissive, and Questions for Doms

Have Y/you ever wondered what Y/you were supposed to do, think or feel about being a submissive or a Dominant?  Did you have questions for Doms or subs but were afraid to ask?

Here are a few questions i would ask about being a sub, and some questions i would pose to Dominants, if the opportunity arose.

What questions do Y/you have that Y/you want answered?

Add a comment to this post to respond to a question or to submit a question you have had for a while.

Hopefully we’ll add more questions, get some answers, and open a dialogue between Doms and subs.
                  Questions of Mine

  • Should a boy be clean shaven – not even a moustache 
  • Should a boy keep his hair short?
  • Should a boy shave his pubes and balls?
  • Should a boy shave his ass?
  • Should a boy call every Dom and Master “SIR ” from the very beginning?
  • What do Doms look for in a potential submissive boy?
  • What do Doms really think/feel if a sub uses a safe word?
  • Are most Doms trying to be intimidating or is it the nature of Dominants, or am i being too easily intimidated?
  • Do most Doms have just a few special kinks in Their repertoire or are They well versed in a variety of different skills?
  • What is it with the Cigar craze? 
  •  Don’t Doms know cigars kill the same way cigarettes do, but in a more pervasive, smelly way?
  • Is the role of a Dom becoming fuzzy and more indistinguishable from a submissive?
  • Why is it becoming harder to tell a sub from a Dom in social situations or at Leather bars?
  • Are Doms softening over time?
  • Why is more sex being had at gay male Leather play parties than actual BDSM scenes?
  • At a play party how should a sub ask a Dom to do a scene with him?
  • Is a boy supposed to approach an unfamiliar Dom initially, or is it the Dom’s place to pursue His prospective boy?
  • Are there a lot of Dominants who are actually bottoms in sex, giving the role of top to His boy?
  • What things have You experienced that immediately ended a scene?

i hope more questions are generated and that responses to the current questions will be submitted by many M/men and women sharing T/their perspective. 

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive – Day 29 & 30

The time has come for me to Define my kink for the last two days.  i think it took a month or more to write responses to all the questions but it has been profound and eye opening.  i know i am submissive, but never really took the time to contemplate what that means to me or how it impacts my life.  If you haven’t been defining your kink as a submissive along with me i encourage you to back track in my Blog to find all 30 Days of questions.  Don’t rush through them one right after the other.  Take a day or so between writing your responses so that you can ponder the question and then write about it as thoroughly as you can.

Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?
Over the last twenty five years i have experienced many types of pain mostly from medical issues and surgical interventions.  Some of it mild; some excruciating.  What I can tell Y/you is the unintentional, internal pain from illness or surgery is different from the intentional, consensual infliction on pain in a BDSM setting.  


As a submissive i know that there is a beginning to the pain and a definite endpoint to it.  In this type of scene i am consenting and anticipating the pain.  i know that if the pain surpasses my tolerance level, i can, with one word, stop the infliction of the pain.  


My relationship with the intentional pain is a fondness for the attention of the Dom and the feeling of total submission to His control.  In ways i embrace it, i accept it, i tolerate it, and sometimes i long for it.

i do stop short of calling myself a “pain pig” as some people do.  i am not into the pain just for the pain.  For me it comes with a purpose and is the result of two M/men coming together to explore T/their kink together.


Thanks for reading,

boy stray

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive – Day 28

Has your submission ever let you down? 
Yes it has.  submissives are a dime a dozen.  Most of the posts on FetLife and Recon.com are from submissives.  In that way my submission lets me down.  It would be so much easier to hookup, find a long term partner or have play sessions if only i was a Dom.  But, it is not my nature.  So, i continue to wait, update my profile and pictures, and try to integrate more into the Leather BDSM community.



Have you ever been criticized for your submission? 
The only real criticism i have received is the one i told Y/you about before.  It was the story of the guy on the hookup site bullying me because i choose to call myself a “boy”.  i retaliated and then blocked him.  Probably should have just let it go, but i didn’t.


Have you ever regretted being or feeling submissive in a moment or in a relationship? 
i have no regrets for being a bottom or submissive.  i have had great sex and some interesting events related to my being submissive.  Just a quick anecdote: we hosted a couple of gay Puerto Rican soccer players in town for a tournament. They spoke little to no English and i spoke no Spanish, but after my partner went to work the next morning one of the men came to my bedroom, got in the bed nude and proceeded to fuck the daylights out of me.  He was good looking and hung, uncut.  He sensed or somehow knew that i was a submissive bottom boy and would gladly allow him to do as he pleased.


Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and how did you handle your submission going forward from that?
Oh, certainly.  i have made plenty of mistakes over the course of my life.  And continue to.  Each mistake or lapse in judgment was an opportunity to learn and grow…and hopefully to not make the same or even similar mistakes.  Several of those mistakes i have posted about over these past few months.  If Y/you are interested in learning from my poor choices, Y/you can read back through my earlier posts.

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive 

Day 25: Are there items, objects or rituals that represent or help you express submission? If not, have you ever thought of adding or being gifted one? Is there a special significance to these objects or rituals?

i wrote before that one of the things i do – not sure i would call it a ritual –  is to always stand in a military “at ease” position with hands behind my back and head slightly bowed with eyes averted from any Dom who may be present.  Also, most of the time i wear a leather band on my right wrist as a sign to others and as a reminder to me that i am a leather submissive.

 i have no other rituals or objects used to express my submission.  It would be wonderful to be gifted an item from a Dom that is meant as a visible sign of my submissiveness. 



Day 26: What are the qualities you seek in a dominant partner and why? Are some qualities deal-breakers as in “must” haves or “must not” have?

Qualities i seek in a Dominant are knowledge and experience in BDSM, a playful nature yet strict in His enforcement of protocol, duties, and the behavior of His sub, yet not aggressive or just plain ole mean under pressure or stress.

Deal breakers would be refusal to negotiate limits and preferences, and in writing a contract; a lack of interest or concern regarding training or for the nurturing of the sub; and having a tendency to being mean under pressure and taking out stress and frustration on the submissive. 



Day 27: Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?

At this time, a “real” session, scene or play session have only been a fantasy.  i have had isolated activities and experiences, and even paid a Pro Dom to work out some fantasies, but i have never been approached by a Dom who follows through and has a real time play session from start to finish with me. 

The only thing that really confuses me or frightens me is the lack of opportunities for real time play.  i have not been able to make myself the kind of sub that is attractive to a Dom to even have Him approach me for play.  i fear i may never experience a full, real BDSM session.


Thanks for reading,

boy stray

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive 

Day 23: Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?

Sometimes, especially when in the company of non Leather folks, i get twinges of sub shame and embarrassment.  At times, not too often, but occasionally i feel judged or pigeonholed as a leather sub who is passive, used, abused, and having no choice or say in what “happens” to me in a BDSM dynamic.  i don’t feel like going into educator mode explaining about roles, choices, contracts, negotiations, limits, safe words, and just admitting that the things that are “done” to me are done with my permission because all BDSM activities are between consenting adults.

As far as being resistant to an aspect of being a submissive i feel a bit of ambivalence regarding subs into piss and scat.  i described my foray into play parties last week, but the one thing i don’t think i mentioned was the piss boy who was stationed in the restroom.  he stayed in there the whole night and was given a donation of $5 by each person who wanted to piss on him or have him “drink from the tap.”  i really had to piss bad by the time i left the party, but I would not #1 pay $5 to pee, and #2 pee on someone who spent the whole night serving as a toilet.  i like the idea of 1:1 piss play but not in a situation like that.  Part of me felt sad for him, but i have to remember and remind myself from time to time that his kink is not my kink, but his kink is ok! 

Day 24: What are the emotions that most directly let you access submission? What feelings do they inspire?

i think I am a happy, joyful submissive.  i am a long term service oriented caregiving professional having worked in healthcare for many years.  In ways that profession is one of submissiveness. Wanting to do for and care for others!   A service oriented submissive.  To put myself second – behind the person who is most important – whether that person is a Dom, or a patient.  To take care of someone well is a source of pride, satisfaction, and joy for me.  It instills a deeper sense of self worth and self esteem.

40 Red Flags

Master M Matt posted on Facebook in BDSM Info.

Reposted with permission.
 

The following are warnings that a potential Dom may not be all that you think they are. 

Please be careful if the potential Dom: 

1) Tries to separate you from your friends, family or BDSM community. 

2) Avoids talking about personal details. Gets mad when you ask or quickly ends the conversation or answers questions with questions. 
3) Has no BDSM references or friends you can talk to. 

4) Gets angry when you ask for references or ask around about them. 

5) Is inconsistent with details about themselves. 
6) Does not give you their home and work phone number at the appropriate time. 

7) Only communicates with you at strange hours and gets mad if you try to contact them at other times. 

8) Criticizes the BDSM community and refuses to participate, especially if they never were part of it. 

9) Consistently breaks promises. 

10) Always finds excuses for not meeting real time. 
11) Always puts blame on others for things going wrong. 

12) Does not take personal responsibility. 

13) Has bad relationships with most or all of their family members. 

14) Pressures you into doing things you do not want to do. 

15) Does not respect your limits, negotiations or contracts. 
16) Pushes you into a D/s relationship too fast. 

17) Swears undying love before even meeting you. 

18) Hides behind their D/s authority and says that their authority should not be questioned. 

19) Tries to make you feel guilty for not being good enough. Says that you are not a “True” sub. 

20) Loses control of their emotions in arguments and regresses to yelling, name-calling and blame. 
21) Puts you down in front of other people. 

22) Turns instantly on their friends, going from best friend to arch enemy at the drop of a hat. 

23) Treats you lovingly and respectfully one day and then harshly and accusingly the next. 

24) Never says thank you, excuse me or I am sorry to anyone. 

25) Lies or withholds information. Cheats on you or is overly jealous. 
26) Will not discuss what your possible future relationship could be like. 

27) Tries to keep you in the dark about what might happen next in the relationship. 

28) Does not respect your feelings, rights, or opinions. 

29) Belittles your ideas. 

30) Blames you for your hurt feelings. 
31) Abuses alcohol or other drugs. 

32) Is constantly asking for large amounts of money from you or others. 

33) Threatens suicide or other forms of self-harm. 

34) Deliberately saying or doing things that result in getting themselves seriously hurt. 

35) Wants control of your money or finances and you are not living together. 
36) ONLY interacts with you in a kinky or sexual manner as if role-playing. 

37) Will not have normal everyday vanilla conversations. 

38) Never shows you their human side. Is emotionless. Hides their vulnerability behind their D/s role. 

39) Has multiple online identities for interacting within the same communities. 

40) Disappears from communication for days or weeks at a time without explanation.
Hope this helps to keep you safe.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

   

 

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive 

This morning i can’t sleep yet again.  It’s 3:45 a.m.  My dogs woke me up as they do quite often at this time, and that means i am awake at least a couple hours.  i like Blogging when i wake up, but i have to be careful to double check my writing for nonsensical phrases and for typos – those that i make, and those auto correct changes inaccurately.

Today i will answer two questions again.  
Day 17:  Trust.  What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?

Trust is a vital element in any relationship, but i think even more so in BDSM.   Both the Dom and the sub need to establish trust through openness, honesty, and detailed communication.  Since BDSM is a full on contact activity that can induce pain, bruises, abrasions, and bleeding as well as intense emotional reactions the people involved must be able to develop a trusting relationship even if it only lasts through the scene.  The sub must be able to trust that the Dom will not deliberately hurt them.  They must trust the Dom will lessen intensity or stop all action if a safe word is used by the sub.  Both the Dom and sub need to trust that the other will not expose them deliberately to HIV, Hepatitis, or any other STD.  Each person must trust that all toys and equipment have been cleaned thoroughly before play.  Prior to the scene the sub should express a need for aftercare during and after the play session and trust the Dom will provide it as agreed on.  

And, each needs to trust that the other person is willingly participating and that they will bring excitement, enthusiasm and sensuality into the session.  

Trust is the key to an enjoyable play scene.

Day 18: Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?

When i began to delve into the BDSM Leather community i fervently believed a real sub would never disagree with or contradict what the Dom says or does.  It’s amazing to look back at old journal entries to see how much i have grown and changed over the years.  i still believe the sub must be respectful always of their Doms opinions but that a sub can disagree and voice their own opinion.  Always maintaining respect especially in front of other Doms and subs!  Disrespecting or dishonoring your Dom reflects poorly on Y/you both.  you for being insolent and the Dom for allowing such behavior.  

The desires and needs of the sub must be discussed before any action occurs during the open dialogue about those activities Y/you will and won’t do, Y/your hard limits, contractual specifics, and in working to develop trust between all parties involved.  During a play session the sub can express their needs and desires by vocalizing moans, groans and other noises that demonstrate the sub is enjoying the activity.  Also, i observed once a sub being struck on the back by a bullwhip.  He verbalized “Thank You Sir” each time a sting of pain/pleasure hit him.  It could be agreed prior to play that the sub could say that phrase to indicate the activity is going well and enjoying the play.  And, if/when the sub begins to say it hesitantly or stops saying it altogether the Dom slows down or stops, and checks in verbally with the sub to see if that activity has become too painful.  Some subs may be reluctant to use a safe word thinking they will disappoint the Dom, show their inexperience or low pain threshold, or that they don’t want to acknowledge or otherwise show they are having an intense emotional reaction to the activity.  This is where the need for open communication is paramount for the people in the scene.

Establishing trust and having honest, open and direct communication about needs and desires prior to play is more likely to lead to a successful scene that both the Dom and the sub have thoroughly enjoyed.

Will, Won’t or Maybe Mondays 

As we continue down the checklist i am including most of the activities possible between consenting adults.  Today we’ll look at four that i have knowledge, experience, and a fondness for, and one that is not my kink at all.

Cock Worship

What can i say about cock worship?  i have done it since the first one i tasted when i was twenty years old.  Cock worship is more than simply cock sucking.  To worship cock you must afford it reverence, respect, adulation.  you approach a cock the way you would a religious shrine.  Some apprehension and reflection on the beauty and power that manifests in that Dom’s cock.  your ultimate goal and desire is to service that cock in the manner such a powerful piece of flesh demands.  you take your time with it.  And when He shoots His load, the essence of life and humanity, you do not spit it out.  you gratefully accept it into your body with deep appreciation.

That is Cock Worship!

Collars

A collar is a device of any material that is worn around the neck of the submissive during play.  However, more importantly, the collar is a symbol worn by a submissive denoting that they are in a D/s relationship and/or are owned.  Some Masters and Doms will conduct a formal collaring ceremony either privately or sharing the occasion with friends and community.  Also, there are collars of consideration and training collars.  Collars are not a piece of jewelry to be touched and fondled by other people.  Remember respect in the BDSM Kink community is very important.  Always ask if you can look closer or touch it.  Be prepared to hear a NO.  If you see someone who is collared it is appropriate to speak to the Dom first and ask if it is okay to speak with or hug the submissive person.  Again, respect.  You are acknowledging the Dom’s position in community and in that relationship.  Usually the collar is locked onto the sub’s neck, and the Dom holds the key.  If the D/s relationship ends, the collar is removed by the Dom.  Recently i attended a memorial service where I learned when a submissive dies it is important to treat the collar with reverence and that it can be placed in an honored position in the home of the Dom or the caregiver if that person is a member of the Leather community.  A collar has great significance and deserves your respect.

Cuffs

Cuffs are exciting, exhilarating pieces of BDSM equipment.  As i have related in previous posts i submitted to being cuffed as recently as yesterday for an erotic photo shoot.  It is ultimate submission in my mind because you are giving complete power over to the Dom through an overt action that signifies ultimate trust in that Dom.

Once you are cuffed He has total control of you and can do anything He wants to you.  Trust must be established prior to this kind of submission.  i completely trusted my photographer.

Being cuffed yesterday put me immediately into a sub headspace.  My other senses heightened.  i knew what i hoped He would do as He held total power and control over me.  But, that’ll wait for another time and person.

Diapers

Some Doms and subs get into diaper play and infantilism.  The sub regresses to that stage in life when a baby is completely reliant on it’s parent or caregiver to meet its every need.  And one of those needs is to have their diaper put on, and to be changed when it is wet or soiled.  Players in this kink can be into urine play only or it could involve both piss and shit.

The only thing i can say in addition is, your kink may not be my kink, but your kink is OK!

Dildos

My best friends!  They are always stiff, just the right length and girth, and perpetually ready for action whenever the urge hits you.  No dinner, drinks or small talk with someone on a date that you hope will fuck you at the end of the evening.  No wondering if He is hung large enough; no wondering if he can get it up and keep it up; no wondering or dreading that He may be a two minute man.

Wake up horny?  Reach for the drawer in your nightstand.  Rough day at work?  Or your trick was a lousy lay?  The dildo is ever ready for hot action.  you don’t have to worry that it’ll cum to soon.  Whether you go deep, hard and fast, or slow and easy, the dildo meets your every need when you want to be penetrated.  I have two pink rubber ones, two inflatable ones of different sizes, and a curvy prostate massager.  All of these are different sizes, shapes and contours.

Stock up.  They can be your best friends too.


More next week.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray