While the Cat’s Away, the mouse Might Play

my husband is out of town with friends enjoying a huge gay annual event (Gay Days in Orlando) filled with sun, pool parties, evening activities, concerts, and yes, probably lots of sex!!

But i am fine with that.  In fact i encouraged him to go so i could have some free time to go out and immerse myself into the Leather BDSM and Kink community. And maybe, just maybe, i will hookup with a Dom for a play scene.

my first free night was Thursday.  i planned my night, cleaned up – inside and out – just in case, and dressed in nice jeans, leather themed black tee shirt, and my leather bar vest.  

Uber got me to the bar between 9:30 and 10 pm.  i know…kinda early, but it was a school/work night.  i thought men would be out early.  The bar’s theme night was a “bulge” contest at midnight.  Surely i could moderate my drinking, cruise hot leather men, and socialize till the contest began.

As i walked into the Ramrod i saw the bar was sparsely populated, but there was a cute “Bear” seated across the bar.  He gave me The Look!  So i situated myself a couple seats from him and ordered a beer.

Mistake!

He was a BIG talker.  He was a bottom.  He said he wanted to suck my dick and have me spank him.  He was really drunk.  He did buy me a beer and a shot of bourbon.  Then, he suddenly leaned/fell toward me and stuck his tongue in my mouth.  Hmm.  What to do? Am i desperate?

Then, his partner arrived and i took the opportunity to hurriedly excuse myself.  

Friday night i pondered three choices.  i thought of going to a kind of fun, but seedy neighborhood bar, or to the a gay men’s sex club, or to a bathhouse catering to more mature men.  Friday was all about getting laid!

So, i ended up watching the last two episodes of The Amazing Race on Cable that i had missed.  And i was in bed by 11:30 pm.

i started writing this post this morning, Saturday, 6/3/17, which will likely show as the post date.  However, i have two more free nights of planned debauchery. 

Tonight there is an extremely popular monthly themed party at the Leather bar, The Ramrod, called Pig Dance. i AM going!  i AM going!  i will have to take a bar nap this afternoon so i am not to tired to go.  But, i AM going!  That’s my mantra for today.

The last Pig Dance i attended a few months ago had hundreds of hot men in all manner of dress and undress – from full Leather down to just a jock and boots.  They were all ages probably 20 to 80s, bears and twinks, hairy and smooth.  It was a smorgasbord of man meat.

i have no doubt the bar will again be packed to the rafters and even spilling out into the rear patio and the front parking lot.  It’s a dizzying aroma of sweat, male sex pheromones, booze, and cigarette & cigar smoke.  And the cacophony of thumping music and loud conversations will be deafening. But what fun.  The atmosphere is highly sexual and energizing. 

i went!  It was crowded and loud and smoky.  It was everything I expected.  But, i, i, was so uncomfortable in my own skin, in my own Leather, that i had one beer, walked around once and left about thirty minutes later.  Then, i took Uber to another bar, a small neighborhood bar, but it is actually situated in a commercial area.  It was busy.  When i walked in all the guys turned to see the new meat arrival.  i was cruised by a couple guys, but again i was bored and went home after about forty five minutes.

my mood and self esteem were low.  i wasn’t really sure i wanted to go out and probably shouldn’t have.  But, to counter the loneliness and insecurity I could have/should have asked one of my buddies to go with me.  But i didn’t!  

Those little tapes that play over and over in our heads sure can fuck up an otherwise great time.  

Sunday was my Leather boy’s club meeting.  i went and was upbeat and talkative.  Short meeting.  A couple of us went for a drink.  Enjoyed myself.  i thought i might go to a sex club Sunday night but didn’t – i shall tell Y/you why in my next post! 

Sorry to be a Debbie-downer this post.
Thanks for reading,

boy stray

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive 

Day 25: Are there items, objects or rituals that represent or help you express submission? If not, have you ever thought of adding or being gifted one? Is there a special significance to these objects or rituals?

i wrote before that one of the things i do – not sure i would call it a ritual –  is to always stand in a military “at ease” position with hands behind my back and head slightly bowed with eyes averted from any Dom who may be present.  Also, most of the time i wear a leather band on my right wrist as a sign to others and as a reminder to me that i am a leather submissive.

 i have no other rituals or objects used to express my submission.  It would be wonderful to be gifted an item from a Dom that is meant as a visible sign of my submissiveness. 



Day 26: What are the qualities you seek in a dominant partner and why? Are some qualities deal-breakers as in “must” haves or “must not” have?

Qualities i seek in a Dominant are knowledge and experience in BDSM, a playful nature yet strict in His enforcement of protocol, duties, and the behavior of His sub, yet not aggressive or just plain ole mean under pressure or stress.

Deal breakers would be refusal to negotiate limits and preferences, and in writing a contract; a lack of interest or concern regarding training or for the nurturing of the sub; and having a tendency to being mean under pressure and taking out stress and frustration on the submissive. 



Day 27: Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?

At this time, a “real” session, scene or play session have only been a fantasy.  i have had isolated activities and experiences, and even paid a Pro Dom to work out some fantasies, but i have never been approached by a Dom who follows through and has a real time play session from start to finish with me. 

The only thing that really confuses me or frightens me is the lack of opportunities for real time play.  i have not been able to make myself the kind of sub that is attractive to a Dom to even have Him approach me for play.  i fear i may never experience a full, real BDSM session.


Thanks for reading,

boy stray

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive 

Day 23: Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?

Sometimes, especially when in the company of non Leather folks, i get twinges of sub shame and embarrassment.  At times, not too often, but occasionally i feel judged or pigeonholed as a leather sub who is passive, used, abused, and having no choice or say in what “happens” to me in a BDSM dynamic.  i don’t feel like going into educator mode explaining about roles, choices, contracts, negotiations, limits, safe words, and just admitting that the things that are “done” to me are done with my permission because all BDSM activities are between consenting adults.

As far as being resistant to an aspect of being a submissive i feel a bit of ambivalence regarding subs into piss and scat.  i described my foray into play parties last week, but the one thing i don’t think i mentioned was the piss boy who was stationed in the restroom.  he stayed in there the whole night and was given a donation of $5 by each person who wanted to piss on him or have him “drink from the tap.”  i really had to piss bad by the time i left the party, but I would not #1 pay $5 to pee, and #2 pee on someone who spent the whole night serving as a toilet.  i like the idea of 1:1 piss play but not in a situation like that.  Part of me felt sad for him, but i have to remember and remind myself from time to time that his kink is not my kink, but his kink is ok! 

Day 24: What are the emotions that most directly let you access submission? What feelings do they inspire?

i think I am a happy, joyful submissive.  i am a long term service oriented caregiving professional having worked in healthcare for many years.  In ways that profession is one of submissiveness. Wanting to do for and care for others!   A service oriented submissive.  To put myself second – behind the person who is most important – whether that person is a Dom, or a patient.  To take care of someone well is a source of pride, satisfaction, and joy for me.  It instills a deeper sense of self worth and self esteem.

Will, Won’t or Maybe Mondays 

Let’s forego the usual alphabetical progression through the checklist of potential activities BDSM players and Kinksters can choose to participate in.

So, since i get to choose i want to select anal fucking, cock sucking, golden showers, hot wax play, rimming, and saline infusion just off the top of my head.

I chose these quickly from my list of “likes very much”.

Anal Fucking. – When i first came out even experimenting with gay sex i knew nothing about anal pleasure.  i thought the only things gay men did together were frottage and cock sucking. Frottage came easy, but i really worked long and hard over hundreds of hours perfecting the art of the blow job.  Then, once i came across an uncut cock that…wasn’t as clean as i personally preferred.  Many gay men would have ended it there.  But, he was hot and i was horny.  So, i began the journey of learning the pleasures of anal and prostate stimulation.  Before i learned the pleasures of anal sex, i kind of grimaced, tried to relax, and let him ram it in, and pump away till he came.  After i learned much more about the ass I began to properly prepare of the night by thoroughly cleaning out, learning to really relax, and finding new ways to guide Mr. Anaconda in with the least amount of discomfort.  Butt fucking became my go to activity.  If a cock was too big to suck, it went up my butt.  Then, one day i realized for me to really feel sexually satisfied, i had to get fucked.  Don’t get me wrong, i still love sucking all the dicks i can, but for a real sexual connection i had to allow him inside me and encourage him to fill me with His cum…his essence, the seed of life and hope and all being.   Heady stuff i know.  i put great significance on the male ejaculate.  To me it is His power, His maleness and masculinity.  

With that being said, did Y/you ever see the movie Victor/Victoria.  One line delivered by the older gay man was, “there’s nothing more inconvenient than an old queen with a head cold.”  Of course he was referring to not being able to give blow jobs.  Well, tweaking the line some these days i would have to say, “there is nothing more unsatisfying than a sub bottom boy who can no longer get fucked because of anal cancer radiation treatment side effects.”  Not quite as good a quip as the one from the movie, but nevertheless just as poignant for me.  Now, after 28 radiation treatments, anal fucking is difficult, and painful at best, and impossible to accomplish at the worst.  But i love getting fucked.  So i keep trying to get back to that previous level of satisfaction with anal sex. 

GET YOUR FUCKING ANNUAL CERVICAL AND/ OR ANAL PAP TEST DONE IMMEDIATELY.  PLEASE DON’T procrastinate!!  It just might save Y/your life and keep Y/you from losing Y/your asshole!

Cock Sucking  – i have been sucking cock since the first man after the very first man i got naked with and had sex.  Well, that first time i was scared to death so i was a “do me” kinda guy that afternoon.  Kind of a funny story, i was a twenty year old virgin, and i saw this phone number on the bathroom wall in one of my all time favorite places…the Public Library.  My fingers trembled as i dialed, then asked for Norman.  He was friendly, lived a few blocks from my parents home where i was living, and he immediately iinvited me over to his house.  i could only fondle him, but he blew me three times in about thirty minutes.  But, that experience won me over.  i really liked getting those blow jobs, but i quickly found that i actually prefer giving them.

And, yes it is an art and a science.  Y/you have to know the anatomy and some basic physiological responses of the penis when it is stimulated by oral sex.  That’s the science.  The art is in perfecting Y/your ability to suck, lick, deep throat, and stimulate the cock to ejaculation.  Then, what to do when H/he cums?  Spit or swallow?  i think most men prefer it to be swallowed.  Spitting it out seems rather rude, maybe judgmental, or even a rejection of H/him in some way.  

Advice: learn to suck without scraping your teeth on the shaft; learn to control Y/your gag reflex because most men want more than a spit shine to the knob…deep threat that dick!; learn to take Y/your time – don’t rush through it so you get it over with.  If you are a half ass cock sucker he’s going to know it, and probably move along; learn to gracefully spit, or swallow with exuberance.  Sometimes if for some reason I don’t swallow, I subtly get the semen in my hand and use it for lube to jerk off.  For some reason i find that a real turn on.

All men love a good blow job!

Golden Showers. – piss play.  There is something about piss play that intrigues me.  i love the warmth as i piss onto my legs and feet or even up on my torso.  I’ve been given small amounts in cups to drink by two different Doms.  i found it to be too pungent and too warm for my taste.  Had one guy piss up my ass after fucking me.  Didn’t know He had done it till He told me.  That was an awkward walk to the bathroom to expel the urine without leaking or losing it half way to the toilet.  Me, i prefer plain ole “on me” kind of piss play.  


Hot wax  – don’t use the candles off your dining room table.  Those candles burn too hot, at a higher temperature, which can be dangerous and cause severe burns if not used very carefully.  There are candles made especially for hot wax play.  One of the tricks I learned in a class was to hold the candle at the right height above the sub so the wax cools a bit as it falls but retains enough heat for a good sting of heat as it hits the skin.  Best to shave the area first if the area being played with is the genital/pubic area, or any other hairy areas like the chest and back.  This can be a very sensual and erotic experience having the wax dripped on your skin, but also the Dom’s attention and efforts to remove the dried wax can be quite stimulating as well.


Rimming  – growing up especially after being potty trained we are taught the the butt is dirty and should not be touched at any time except for cleaning.  However there are quite a few nerve ending in the peri anal area that when stimulated evoke a sexual response.  Now why would it feel so good to touch, stroke, finger, and lick that area if it was to be regarded as unclean and untouchable.  Granted the vast majority of people who love rimming want the ass to be clean and fresh inside and out.  i have often wondered why this is one sexual activity i love doing.  But, I can rim a hot man butt for a long time before my tongue gets fatigued and my jaw gets sore.  Funny thing is while i absolutely love rimming, i am not so fond of it being done to me.  If Y/you’ve never experienced this sensation, i urge you to lie back, relax, and let a master rimmer like me take Y/you to new heights of ecstasy Y/you didn’t know Y/you could reach.


Saline infusion. – this is something i have not experienced yet.  i am intrigued and really turned on by the thought of a hot Dom inserting a needle into my scrotum, attaching a bag of sterile fluids, and running about a liter of salt water into my nut sack.  This significantly expands the scrotum making it very noticeable even under clothes.  The class offered here is always done on Friday night which allows for fluid absorption over the weekend making Y/your scrotum less obvious when Y/you return to work Monday morning.  

Building quite a repertoire of sexual acts, aren’t W/we?
Thanks for reading,
boy stray

24/7 or Just for Play

Initially i wanted a full time, 24/7 Dom/sub relationship.  i wanted to “live” the Lifestyle.  Still do!  But kinda giving up on that…seems like it’s just a pipe dream at this point.  my former Mentor asked me a couple times if i was interested in living it or just in it for the play.  i enthusiastically said live it.  But, now i guess i would have to say play.

In the couples years i have been working at it, i haven’t even played, let alone developed a Lifestyle or relationship.  But as an homage to my affinity for Leather i wear a leather strap around my wrist and always wear my wide leather belt no matter what else i may be wearing or where i am going.

How do Y/you all make it look so easy and natural?  What is the best part of living the Lifestyle?  How am I gonna get me some of that Lifestyle??

i ask that tongue in cheek.

i know how, and i am working on it.  It’s just harder and taking longer than i expected.

Tonight i reached out to an established, well known and well liked member of the gay Leather BDSM community.  i asked if He would consider having coffee with me.  Not to hookup or play.  i am definitely not his type of boy.  And He already has His boy.  my goal would be just to get to know him better and have him get to know me.  That way perhaps He could become a friend and support for me.  Also i thought maybe He would feel comfortable sponsoring me or recommending someone who could sponsor me for the local club for Sirs and boys.  

The club had a play and demo weekend at a gay campground last weekend. i had hoped to go but couldn’t.  There is another in April, and i have decided i am going!  It has become goal and “bucket list” item for me.  Recently i was asked what was on my bucket list.  i said nothing because i believed i had been everywhere i wanted to go and seen everything i had wanted to see.  But, now i decided to rethink that.  Some things on my list involve BDSM, LEATHER, PLAY, and others are trips, cruises, events, as well as beginning yoga classes and getting & giving tantric massages.  

Another goal for 2017 is the start of a part time play relationship.  Any other ideas for what i can add to my bucket list?

Wish me luck.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive 

This morning i can’t sleep yet again.  It’s 3:45 a.m.  My dogs woke me up as they do quite often at this time, and that means i am awake at least a couple hours.  i like Blogging when i wake up, but i have to be careful to double check my writing for nonsensical phrases and for typos – those that i make, and those auto correct changes inaccurately.

Today i will answer two questions again.  
Day 17:  Trust.  What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?

Trust is a vital element in any relationship, but i think even more so in BDSM.   Both the Dom and the sub need to establish trust through openness, honesty, and detailed communication.  Since BDSM is a full on contact activity that can induce pain, bruises, abrasions, and bleeding as well as intense emotional reactions the people involved must be able to develop a trusting relationship even if it only lasts through the scene.  The sub must be able to trust that the Dom will not deliberately hurt them.  They must trust the Dom will lessen intensity or stop all action if a safe word is used by the sub.  Both the Dom and sub need to trust that the other will not expose them deliberately to HIV, Hepatitis, or any other STD.  Each person must trust that all toys and equipment have been cleaned thoroughly before play.  Prior to the scene the sub should express a need for aftercare during and after the play session and trust the Dom will provide it as agreed on.  

And, each needs to trust that the other person is willingly participating and that they will bring excitement, enthusiasm and sensuality into the session.  

Trust is the key to an enjoyable play scene.

Day 18: Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?

When i began to delve into the BDSM Leather community i fervently believed a real sub would never disagree with or contradict what the Dom says or does.  It’s amazing to look back at old journal entries to see how much i have grown and changed over the years.  i still believe the sub must be respectful always of their Doms opinions but that a sub can disagree and voice their own opinion.  Always maintaining respect especially in front of other Doms and subs!  Disrespecting or dishonoring your Dom reflects poorly on Y/you both.  you for being insolent and the Dom for allowing such behavior.  

The desires and needs of the sub must be discussed before any action occurs during the open dialogue about those activities Y/you will and won’t do, Y/your hard limits, contractual specifics, and in working to develop trust between all parties involved.  During a play session the sub can express their needs and desires by vocalizing moans, groans and other noises that demonstrate the sub is enjoying the activity.  Also, i observed once a sub being struck on the back by a bullwhip.  He verbalized “Thank You Sir” each time a sting of pain/pleasure hit him.  It could be agreed prior to play that the sub could say that phrase to indicate the activity is going well and enjoying the play.  And, if/when the sub begins to say it hesitantly or stops saying it altogether the Dom slows down or stops, and checks in verbally with the sub to see if that activity has become too painful.  Some subs may be reluctant to use a safe word thinking they will disappoint the Dom, show their inexperience or low pain threshold, or that they don’t want to acknowledge or otherwise show they are having an intense emotional reaction to the activity.  This is where the need for open communication is paramount for the people in the scene.

Establishing trust and having honest, open and direct communication about needs and desires prior to play is more likely to lead to a successful scene that both the Dom and the sub have thoroughly enjoyed.

Will, Won’t or Maybe Monday #3

It’s been a very hectic holiday weekend and even today i couldn’t get things done on my To Do list.

However, i do hope you all had a joyous holiday.

It’s late Monday night and i doubt I’ll get this post done in 29 minutes, so it will become a Tuesday post rather than my every Monday post.

The 3 activities for this week’s BDSM checklist are ball stretching, bathroom use control, and beating (soft and hard).

Ball Stretching 

This is an activity i enjoy doing or perhaps i should say try to do.  It can be quite arousing to do this.  It is simple to do and you can get good results in stretching the scrotum with ongoing use of one of the many different styles and weights for ball stretching.  Personally i like my balls to hang lower than they normally do.  i’ve bought maybe 6 different types of stretchers. Wide Leather straps that are put on the ball sack and snapped so it stays in place. There is a similar type that also has a metal ring on the bottom on which a weight can be added. This is done to speed the process and get better results.  There is also a thing called a parachute which is a leather (usually) strap narrow at the top and wider at the bottom.  It has chains on the bottom, again, to which you can add weights.  The leather has 2 or 3 snaps to hold it in place on the scrotum.  They also make metal weights that can be place directly on the scrotum.   One has a powerful magnet that holds the two semi circular parts together.   There is another that actually has a place where the two halves are held together by tightening them together with an Allen wrench or Hex key.

Things to consider: size, time, weight, circulation. 

Size – Y/you want it to be snug enough to stay in place for whatever length of time it will be worn.  A problem i have had was my balls sometimes pull up and one side slides under the strap and the whole thing falls off.  Another consideration is the tightness of the stretcher material.  It MUST NOT be too tight.  It should be snug and stay where you put it but it should not be so tight circulation is hampered or cut off completely. Sizing is critical. 

Time – how long do you want to keep it on each time?  Personally i think they are not meant for prolonged use, so i only keep mine on an hour or two each time i wear it.  i recommend using it as many days each week as you can. Consistent use will stretch Y/you out nicely over a shorter period of time. 

Weight – this is highly important. Weights will add extra pull downward hastening the process of stretching your balls.  However, weight should be added slowly and incrementally.  Most men could not handle going immediately from a 4 oz weight to a full 1 pound weight.  Weight should be added slowly and carefully so as not to injure the balls.

Circulation- before Y/you put the stretching device on Y/your balls feel the skin of your scrotum.   Are they warm or cold.  Are you hanging lower or are Y/your balls pulled up.  A warm shower will cause them to dangle as heat makes them fall away from the body. When Y/you are ready to put it on, first feel Y/your balls to check the temperature.  Do this so Y/you can compare the temperature before you start with temperature while wearing the stretcher device.  If the balls get cold or turn blue, purple or, God forbid, black remove the device immediately.  If they don’t return to normal soon or if they are black or beginning to bruise go to the Emergency Room IMMEDIATELY!

Bathroom Use Control

Never done this and don’t think it is wise if done to the extreme.  The urinary bladder stretches as urine enters it from the kidneys.  The bladder has sensors that give Y/you the urge to pee.  Denial of the need to urinate for long periods of time can damage the bladder by the nerves no longer responding the way they are designed to do.  

This scene has the sub/slave requesting to go to the bathroom.  The Sir or Master can deny the request for any length of time.  As time goes on the bladder fills and stretches to an uncomfortable feeling and even pain. The sub squirms with pain until either given permission to use the restroom or the sub pisses their pants. i tend to drink a lot and pee a lot, so i wouldn’t even agree to this kind of torture.  

Beating

Never done it to the extreme of it being called a beating.   The beating can be accomplished with hands or any other implement the Dom sees fit.  I suppose it is an erotic beating either done softly or hard.  To me the word “beating” sounds hard, harsh, and nonconsensual. i would use words like spanking, flogging, caning, etc. as my preferred methods of discipline or erotic play. As a sub i do not want to be beaten, but love the other choices i just mentioned.

For all play scenes remember the words Safe, Sane, Consensual.   Don’t take unnecessary risks that could permanently damage your body.

Next week i will discuss Being Serviced, Being Biten, and Boot Worship. 

Thanks for reading,

boy stray