While the Cat’s Away, the mouse Might Play

my husband is out of town with friends enjoying a huge gay annual event (Gay Days in Orlando) filled with sun, pool parties, evening activities, concerts, and yes, probably lots of sex!!

But i am fine with that.  In fact i encouraged him to go so i could have some free time to go out and immerse myself into the Leather BDSM and Kink community. And maybe, just maybe, i will hookup with a Dom for a play scene.

my first free night was Thursday.  i planned my night, cleaned up – inside and out – just in case, and dressed in nice jeans, leather themed black tee shirt, and my leather bar vest.  

Uber got me to the bar between 9:30 and 10 pm.  i know…kinda early, but it was a school/work night.  i thought men would be out early.  The bar’s theme night was a “bulge” contest at midnight.  Surely i could moderate my drinking, cruise hot leather men, and socialize till the contest began.

As i walked into the Ramrod i saw the bar was sparsely populated, but there was a cute “Bear” seated across the bar.  He gave me The Look!  So i situated myself a couple seats from him and ordered a beer.

Mistake!

He was a BIG talker.  He was a bottom.  He said he wanted to suck my dick and have me spank him.  He was really drunk.  He did buy me a beer and a shot of bourbon.  Then, he suddenly leaned/fell toward me and stuck his tongue in my mouth.  Hmm.  What to do? Am i desperate?

Then, his partner arrived and i took the opportunity to hurriedly excuse myself.  

Friday night i pondered three choices.  i thought of going to a kind of fun, but seedy neighborhood bar, or to the a gay men’s sex club, or to a bathhouse catering to more mature men.  Friday was all about getting laid!

So, i ended up watching the last two episodes of The Amazing Race on Cable that i had missed.  And i was in bed by 11:30 pm.

i started writing this post this morning, Saturday, 6/3/17, which will likely show as the post date.  However, i have two more free nights of planned debauchery. 

Tonight there is an extremely popular monthly themed party at the Leather bar, The Ramrod, called Pig Dance. i AM going!  i AM going!  i will have to take a bar nap this afternoon so i am not to tired to go.  But, i AM going!  That’s my mantra for today.

The last Pig Dance i attended a few months ago had hundreds of hot men in all manner of dress and undress – from full Leather down to just a jock and boots.  They were all ages probably 20 to 80s, bears and twinks, hairy and smooth.  It was a smorgasbord of man meat.

i have no doubt the bar will again be packed to the rafters and even spilling out into the rear patio and the front parking lot.  It’s a dizzying aroma of sweat, male sex pheromones, booze, and cigarette & cigar smoke.  And the cacophony of thumping music and loud conversations will be deafening. But what fun.  The atmosphere is highly sexual and energizing. 

i went!  It was crowded and loud and smoky.  It was everything I expected.  But, i, i, was so uncomfortable in my own skin, in my own Leather, that i had one beer, walked around once and left about thirty minutes later.  Then, i took Uber to another bar, a small neighborhood bar, but it is actually situated in a commercial area.  It was busy.  When i walked in all the guys turned to see the new meat arrival.  i was cruised by a couple guys, but again i was bored and went home after about forty five minutes.

my mood and self esteem were low.  i wasn’t really sure i wanted to go out and probably shouldn’t have.  But, to counter the loneliness and insecurity I could have/should have asked one of my buddies to go with me.  But i didn’t!  

Those little tapes that play over and over in our heads sure can fuck up an otherwise great time.  

Sunday was my Leather boy’s club meeting.  i went and was upbeat and talkative.  Short meeting.  A couple of us went for a drink.  Enjoyed myself.  i thought i might go to a sex club Sunday night but didn’t – i shall tell Y/you why in my next post! 

Sorry to be a Debbie-downer this post.
Thanks for reading,

boy stray

Invisible me?

Last night i went to the really happening, hot, extremely packed Leather bar in town for a boy’s club toy drive for Christmas. Whether or not this venue is a good choice for the drive is not really the question, but how many nearly naked, beefy muscular Leathermen do you know who carry toys…well, kid appropriate toys anyway, to a Leather bar?

So, I am dressed in my new, well fitting 501 Levi’s jeans, my requisite white tee shirt (a necessity for a leatherboy), my brand new “Bar Vest” with my recently received boy’s club’s emblem/patch freshly stitched on the back, and my clean, black leather combat boots and a standard black leather belt…i had just gotten my hair cut – looked great. And not that it could be seen, but i was also wearing a new, tight, hot little jock. Man, did I really feel great…my self esteem was way up there.

There were several club members there including a new boy wanting to join. i talked with him a lot and enjoyed our interaction. You see, he is new to this whole scene, and to the club, and my full membership in the club was just affirmed by vote in November. We pondered the same questions about who was a Dom & who was a sub, and enjoyed watching the men cruising each other around our donation table area.

When it came time to snap a couple photos i was asked to take the pics… not any of the nonmembers helping us out. Red Flag. I saw a submissive boy I knew from that six week class i just took, standing not 3 feet from me talking to a man, and repeatedly looking my way but never acknowledging my presence or existence. Red Flag! Guys would come up to drop money in the donation bucket, look at the other “boys”at the table and never look at or acknowledge me, even when i said, “thank you.” Red Flag! And, as gay boys are conditioned to do, i admired lots of men quite overtly, but Never saw or felt a returned admiring glance! Red Flag!

Am i fucking invisible? Did i unknowingly put on my secret cloak of invisibility when I got dressed? i checked in with myself. Yep, i still think i look good, I’m smiling, talking to my new friend. Was it me? Was i being too judgmental, or having unreasonable expectations?

So, what the hell?

Today i spent a little time trying to learn about why people feel invisible, or why they are ignored. Everything i read online pointed to low self esteem. But that, at least this time, was not what was going on. i am totally clueless about this.

Also, i employed a couple techniques i learned in PTSD treatment.  Those things/feelings happened.  It’s done.  It’s not me! So, to that i say “Whatever!” “Who Cares”and “So What!”

i believe it was NOT about me last night.  It was about them…those men and boys who were in their own little world, dealing with their own insecurities, and their own expectations and agendas for the night.

So, what is your take on this topic?  i hope some of you men and boys write me and let me know if this has happened to you; have you had similar experiences?  Or, have you consciously ignored someone in a social setting?

Make it a good week,
boy stray

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