My Dungeon of Despair 

Still waters run deep is a saying i have heard since i was a young fellow – maybe early teens.  In the weeks since i last posted many things began swirling in my mind and body.  i realize that on the surface I tend to appear calm, peaceful, passive and shy, but my true spirit runs deep in my soul.  

i noticed that without a Dom Leather BDSM life can be downright boring if not nonexistent.  i have tried to keep a connection online through FetLife, the Leather Kink site Recon.com, and even on the site Adam4Adam.com which occasionally has some kinky men online.  i wear my leather wrist band all the time except showering or doing dishes.  It’s a constant reminder of who i am, and where i want to be.

my therapist keeps hitting me with the earth shaking idea of separating from my partner of many, many years.  He keeps pointing out the codependent nature of the relationship, the subtle yet harmful ways the partner’s actions and inactions could be considered domestic abuse even though there has never been physical abuse.  It tends more toward emotional, psychological, and financial.  The codependent in me will not let me make that leap even though it would probably be for the best.  So, the therapist wants me to fill out a grid with the pros and cons of leaving on top and the pros and cons of not leaving on bottom.  This is supposed to open my eyes wide enough to leap out of the marriage.  But, i will likely remain in my dungeon of despair no matter what the grid shows.

Still waters run deep…i keep everything suppressed.  Thoughts, feelings, desires, dreams, fears, everything is smushed down and is held back with a giant valve.  Infrequently it lets off a bit of steam through bursts of anger, sarcasm, tears, or depression.  Then the valve gets tightened even more.  Some days i feel my head might explode because i am living a lie and lying to live peacefully.  i lie so much i don’t even know who knows what parts of me and my story are true — except you, my readers.

i long to live a life in leather.  To be collared.  To be an open, proud submissive.  To date, to cruise, to go out when i want to, to have sex when I want to, to have the friends i want to have, to invite my Leather friends to my house whenever i want to, to spend or save money the way i want/need to, to be able to be a nudist in my own home, to get an erotic massage occasionally, and just to masturbate when, how, and where i want to, and to eat when, where and what i want to.  Sounds simple, doesn’t it?

Although i don’t see me having a big breakup scene, or just leaving unannounced someday i am working toward becoming a stronger person and taking a stand against the strong, but subtle control he has on me. Only time and a stronger ego can tell what may happen.

On a lighter, happier note i hired a Life Coach.  He is helping me set goals for my life, working with me to potentially enter a career that will not tax me physically.  He is holding me accountable to the goals we set at each call.  i am moving toward a career in Life Coaching as well.  Many coaches work via telephone or Skype or even Zoom conference rooms, so there would be no need for an office, or to commute or to hold a routine 8-5 schedule every day.  i am taking a course to become certified and hope to begin working as a coach in the next month or so.  Hope i get loads of Leatherfolk as clients!  i highly recommend Life Coaching if you are stuck in some aspect of your life.  
Thanks for reading,

boy stray

Dungeon Party or Sex Party

Y/you may remember that i mentioned i was going to my first Dungeon Party.  Well it happened last night.  

i was excited but trying to not have too many unreasonable expectations.  i tried to be ok with playing or not playing…whatever happened would be okay.  i got dressed in my usual leather…boots, belt, vest, wrist band, 501 Levi jeans, and my hunter green bandana – right, back jeans pocket.   The look is complete!  Fresh haircut so i looked good and ready for my debut into the world of Dungeon Parties.

Since my club was co-sponsoring i got there early to help set up the bar and patio area.  An assortment of men started arriving 30-40 minutes before opening time.  But, where were the handsome, masculine Doms?  But, it did look like it would be a good turnout. 

i was excited to watch the Men arrive in all manner of dress and undress.  Since most of them were only wearing jocks, harnesses and boots it was hard to tell the Doms from the subs…or as i found out later, it was hard to tell the tops from the bottoms.  No flags because no back pockets.   Wrist and arm bands seemed only for decoration. Who were the Doms?  Where were the Doms?

i stayed on the patio area for a couple hours before i built up my confidence and courage to make a foray into the “dungeon”.  All i saw was plain ole sex.  Sucking, fucking, rimming. Where was the BDSM? Was a Dungeon party simply a sex party? Of course i watched a while taking in all the images.  But it didn’t really turn me on.  i was mostly frustrated.

Surprisingly most of the Men there were my age plus or minus 10 years.  The exception was a handsome, young sub that took his clothes off and got up in a sling.  Quickly he was surrounded by a sea of horny guys wanting to have their turn with him. There were erections that never went down — umm, chemically induced?  Nothing wrong with that, but a constant erection for hours is interesting to see and watch. Envious?  Maybe i was?  Yup, i was!

When i came out from my excursion there was a boy bound to the cross. The Dom was using a cigar to stimulate the sub’s nipples, his chest and abdomen. Then he began tapping the boy’s balls with a paddle alternating the intensity with each tap.  After a while the boy was turned around, re-bound to the cross and the flogging and spanking began. Very exciting to watch but felt a bit envious of the boy. Shoulda been me!

Later i learned that was one of two Demos.  The second demo was a really intense flogging and paddling scene. The sub stripped down to his jock and boots and was flogged and paddled for what seemed like a very long time.  In fact i got tired and decided to go home.  It was only 11:15 pm.  As i walked toward my car i could still hear that sub’s moans of pain & pleasure.

The next day i asked if all the Dungeon Parties at this venue were like this one.  The answer was yes, “they are mostly about the sex.”  “There are a lot of guys who come just for the sex.  That’s they’re thing.  They’re not into the BDSM at all.”

Sad.  Disappointed.  Where were the “real” Leather BDSM lifestyle Men/boys?

The search continues…

30 Days to Define Your Kink as a submissive  – Day 19

How socially connected is your submission?

my submission has become socially connected in several ways and is continually increasing.

Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? 

Yes, i actively seek out other subs to interact with and learn from.  i get and give support.  Last Saturday i even asked a Dom online if He would meet me for coffee so we can get to know each other and He may feel comfortable enough to sponsor me for the other BDSM Leather club. 

Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?

Yes, i happen to be on a handful of Facebook groups for BDSM & Kink oriented people.  They are very active groups as i get many emails daily. 

Also, i will be attending my first Dungeon Party soon and hope to learn, connect with others and perhaps play.

i believe i am rapidly growing into my role as a submissive. 

Question 20 is up next.  The 30 days will soon be done.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

Will, Won’t or Maybe Monday #3

It’s been a very hectic holiday weekend and even today i couldn’t get things done on my To Do list.

However, i do hope you all had a joyous holiday.

It’s late Monday night and i doubt I’ll get this post done in 29 minutes, so it will become a Tuesday post rather than my every Monday post.

The 3 activities for this week’s BDSM checklist are ball stretching, bathroom use control, and beating (soft and hard).

Ball Stretching 

This is an activity i enjoy doing or perhaps i should say try to do.  It can be quite arousing to do this.  It is simple to do and you can get good results in stretching the scrotum with ongoing use of one of the many different styles and weights for ball stretching.  Personally i like my balls to hang lower than they normally do.  i’ve bought maybe 6 different types of stretchers. Wide Leather straps that are put on the ball sack and snapped so it stays in place. There is a similar type that also has a metal ring on the bottom on which a weight can be added. This is done to speed the process and get better results.  There is also a thing called a parachute which is a leather (usually) strap narrow at the top and wider at the bottom.  It has chains on the bottom, again, to which you can add weights.  The leather has 2 or 3 snaps to hold it in place on the scrotum.  They also make metal weights that can be place directly on the scrotum.   One has a powerful magnet that holds the two semi circular parts together.   There is another that actually has a place where the two halves are held together by tightening them together with an Allen wrench or Hex key.

Things to consider: size, time, weight, circulation. 

Size – Y/you want it to be snug enough to stay in place for whatever length of time it will be worn.  A problem i have had was my balls sometimes pull up and one side slides under the strap and the whole thing falls off.  Another consideration is the tightness of the stretcher material.  It MUST NOT be too tight.  It should be snug and stay where you put it but it should not be so tight circulation is hampered or cut off completely. Sizing is critical. 

Time – how long do you want to keep it on each time?  Personally i think they are not meant for prolonged use, so i only keep mine on an hour or two each time i wear it.  i recommend using it as many days each week as you can. Consistent use will stretch Y/you out nicely over a shorter period of time. 

Weight – this is highly important. Weights will add extra pull downward hastening the process of stretching your balls.  However, weight should be added slowly and incrementally.  Most men could not handle going immediately from a 4 oz weight to a full 1 pound weight.  Weight should be added slowly and carefully so as not to injure the balls.

Circulation- before Y/you put the stretching device on Y/your balls feel the skin of your scrotum.   Are they warm or cold.  Are you hanging lower or are Y/your balls pulled up.  A warm shower will cause them to dangle as heat makes them fall away from the body. When Y/you are ready to put it on, first feel Y/your balls to check the temperature.  Do this so Y/you can compare the temperature before you start with temperature while wearing the stretcher device.  If the balls get cold or turn blue, purple or, God forbid, black remove the device immediately.  If they don’t return to normal soon or if they are black or beginning to bruise go to the Emergency Room IMMEDIATELY!

Bathroom Use Control

Never done this and don’t think it is wise if done to the extreme.  The urinary bladder stretches as urine enters it from the kidneys.  The bladder has sensors that give Y/you the urge to pee.  Denial of the need to urinate for long periods of time can damage the bladder by the nerves no longer responding the way they are designed to do.  

This scene has the sub/slave requesting to go to the bathroom.  The Sir or Master can deny the request for any length of time.  As time goes on the bladder fills and stretches to an uncomfortable feeling and even pain. The sub squirms with pain until either given permission to use the restroom or the sub pisses their pants. i tend to drink a lot and pee a lot, so i wouldn’t even agree to this kind of torture.  

Beating

Never done it to the extreme of it being called a beating.   The beating can be accomplished with hands or any other implement the Dom sees fit.  I suppose it is an erotic beating either done softly or hard.  To me the word “beating” sounds hard, harsh, and nonconsensual. i would use words like spanking, flogging, caning, etc. as my preferred methods of discipline or erotic play. As a sub i do not want to be beaten, but love the other choices i just mentioned.

For all play scenes remember the words Safe, Sane, Consensual.   Don’t take unnecessary risks that could permanently damage your body.

Next week i will discuss Being Serviced, Being Biten, and Boot Worship. 

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

your boy bag

a boy bag…i wasn’t even aware such a thing existed, was important or necessary until i took the Exploring submission class recently. Now i see why every boy should put together their own “boy bag.”

What is a boy bag?  Why do i need one?  Glad you asked!

i just searched for “boy bag” on Google and found nothing applicable on the first 3 pages.

So let me tell you what i learned.  A boy bag is a backpack, satchel, messenger bag, cosmetic bag (dopp kit bag), or any other small, easily carried bag to pack what you may need.  But, need for what?

A boy bag contains the most important things you might need should you have the unexpected, unplanned opportunity to play with that hot Dom you’ve been showing attention to at the bar, or the BDSM Leather club meeting, or the class you are taking on some kinky skill you’ve wanted to learn about & experience.

The boy bag should be individualized by every boy.  Some things you could include:

  • Condoms
  • Lubricant
  • Poppers
  • Gloves
  • Hand Sanitizer
  • Toothbrush & toothpaste
  • razor & shaving cream for erotic shaving
  • Cockrings
  • Elbow grease or other fisting lube
  • First aid kit or supplies, Neosporin ointment for scratches/cuts
  • Safety shears
  • Snacks, non-perishable
  • Medications – Viagra, TriMix, Insulin & Glucose tablets if Diabetic, Aspirin or Tylenol
  • Butt plugs or dildos
  • Anal speculum
  • Ball weights/ball stretchers
  • Nipple clamps
  • Wrist restraints
  • Handkerchiefs in your preferred colors – Hunter Green, right pocket, is for boys
  • Leather/Rawhide laces
  • Blindfold
  • Gags
  • Sounds or sterile catheters & KY Jelly
  • Penis plugs
  • Jocks and/or other erotic clothing
  • Ruler or paddle
  • Flogger
  • Candles & matches or lighter (for ambiance or hot wax play)
  • Markers/Pens, easily washable – or not, for writing on skin like humiliating butt statements
  • Saline or Water Enemas, which are small & portable
  • Cigar cutter & Lighter
  • Boot black supplies
  • Breath mints

And the list of potentially needed or preferred play implements, toys, and safety equipment goes on.  Now, you might not need or want some of these suggested things, but you may definitely consider some of the more important necessities i’ve listed.

i suggest you add to or change the list to include those things you like, prefer, or think you will need.  Pack the bag and put it in your car whenever you go out to that venue where a possible play opportunity may present itself.  It’s better to be prepared and not need it, than to really need it and not have it.

Make sure you don’t overpack!  you don’t want to be lugging a full sized suitcase into your new Master/Dominant’s dungeon.