Late Night Musings

It’s 4:30 am.  Can’t sleep!  my mind is flooded with thoughts.  Why so much drama in all circles and aspects of life?  Not just mine. It seems everyone has drama or that there is always someone who stirs the drama pot for everyone around them.

i heard something yesterday about “someone” in another Leather club is making disparaging remarks about the boys of Leather club I belong to.  Anything negative about my club has to be an out and out lie because, although small, we raise funds and donate quite a bit of money to different non-profit agencies and organizations that provide services to children, animals, various illnesses including HIV/AIDS, and the Leather Archives and Museum.  We are a small, but cohesive group.  And i think most of us actually likes each other.

As a boys club we are by definition all boys.  we can’t or don’t offer BDSM play in or as a part of our meetings.  After all, who would be the Dom?  However, the other club does periodically offer demonstrations and play because their membership includes both boys and Doms.  i have been trying to become a member of that club as well, but it’s been a hard nut to crack.  So, i may just proudly stay a boys club member only.

The other day my boys club sponsored a team building, fun activity at an Escape Room.  It seems these are becoming popular all over the country.  This particular place offered four different themed rooms to choose from.  Our room involved a series of murders.  We were “locked” in a room for sixty minutes during which time we had to find and evaluate various clues, which, if done correctly, moved us closer to our goal of escaping.  Nine of us went, two emerged as principle or primary clue finders and decipherers.  i, for the most part, was left scratching my head.  i had difficulty connecting the dots.  Anyway, we did escape with 5 whole seconds to spare.  It was quite fun.  Leaders and followers emerged quickly.  One was a bit daffy.  One got irritable with the daffy boy.  But most worked together pretty well.  we emerged with glowing reviews and laughter, each saying they’d like to do it again.

It’s been just a week since i returned from my BDSM workshop.  It is quickly fading into memory with a return to real life.  The glow of the weekend and the intense sensation play are dimming.  i long for a repeat.  i long for something semi-permanent.  To be of service, to service, to offer myself for the gratification of Another…  However, i haven’t contacted the Dom i played with a couple weeks ago.  Too many things were obstacles for me, i suppose. The primary reason was the fact that the Dom was a sexual bottom.  my exclusionary criteria is low, but i do insist my Dom be a sexual Top.  i bottom.  That’s what i do.  That’s who i am!  

i keep thinking i will write about Abuse in Relationships, and i will.  Soon.  i just need to plant my feet securely to the ground once again.

boy stray

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive – Day 3

i saw these questions on another blog ( http://collaredmom.com/define-your-kink) and thought it would interesting to respond to one question a day (probably non-sequential days) until all are covered. Maybe Y/you will consider writing Y/your own responses in a journal so Y/you can periodically review to see how Y/you have grown or changed.  

If You are a Top/Dom/Master it is possible to rework the questions to reflect Your perspective.

Day 1: Do you view your submission as; Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, DD/lg; or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?

13 January 2017 – i view my submission as a Dom/sub. i proudly say i am a sub, bottom, boy! i take great pleasure in calling other Men, SIR…even if they are bottoms. One night i called a boy Sir, and he quickly said, “oh, i’m not a Sir.” But i still think of him as a Sir every time I see him now. i even call young men Sir if i think they could be Dominant. Saying a lot is a verbal way of expressing my submissive nature.
Day 2: Describe who you might submit to and how.

14 January 2017 – The Man i might submit to would be mature and rugged looking, bearded, and extremely self assured. He would live and exude His Dominance. He would be borderline aggressive in His dealings, interactions, and expectations of His submissive. He is kind, compassionate, & passionate sexually and in His lifestyle. Being a service oriented sub my role would be to maintain order in the household, provide assistance with His day to day chores and needs by making calls, answering phones, writing letters, organizing His office and paperwork, running errands, doing his laundry, laying out His clothes, assisting Him with dressing, chauffeuring Him to wherever He needs to go, preparing and serving Him meals, providing foot rubs, massages, and presenting & serving Him a cocktail after His day at work.  

That’s probably a fairly comprehensive list of chores i could do to provide service a Dom
Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom?

Exclusively a submissive, gay, bottom boy in life, love, and sex. No compromises
Day 3: How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive?

15 January 2017 – i am a submissive.  i enjoy being a bottom.  i enjoying serving and pleasing a man…a Dom.  i prefer being called a boy, and i prefer calling Dominant Men, Sir.  i like to submit to the sexual needs and inclinations of a Dom.  i enjoy being used for the satisfaction of a Sir.  That’s how i know i am a submissive…because i am hard wired to be submissive.

Day 4: Do you switch into a dominant role at any time?

Day 5: Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you?

Have you been in more than one D/s relationship?

How were they the same? How were they different?

Day 6: What do you feel are the roots of your submission?

Do you think it has something to do with childhood?

Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline?

Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

Day 7: Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it?

Day 8: Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?

Day 9: Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?

Day 10: Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships?

How do you feel about BDSM?

Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?

Day 11: Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission?

How do you define service?

What does it mean to you?

If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?

Day 12: Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself?

If no, is there a particular reason why?

Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission?

Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?

Day 13: Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission?

Why or why not?

Are there limits to this?

Day 14: Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit?

If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?

Day 15: Has your submission evolved over time?

If so, how has it evolved for you?

If not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

Day 16: Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships?

If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?

Day 17: What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?

Day 18: Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?

Day 19: How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?

Day 20: Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?

Day 21: Is there a physical position that makes you feel most submissive?

Day 22: Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?

Day 23: Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?

Day 24: What are the emotions that most directly let you access submission? What feelings do they inspire?

Day 25: Are there items, objects or rituals that represent or help you express submission? If not, have you ever thought of adding or being gifted one? Is there a special significance to these objects or rituals?

Day 26: What are the qualities you seek in a dominant partner and why? Are some qualities deal-breakers as in “must” haves or “must not” have?

Day 27: Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?

Day 28: Has your submission ever let you down? Have you ever been criticized for your submission? Have you ever regretted being or feeling submissive in a moment or in a relationship? Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and how did you handle your submission going forward from that?

Day 29: Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?

Day 30: Is your need to submit being met?

If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your submission in the way that feels best to you again?

What makes submission special to you?
thanks for reading,
boy stray 

30 Days to Define Y/your Kink as a submissive – Day 2

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive i saw these questions on another blog ( http://collaredmom.com/define-your-kink) and thought it would interesting to respond to one question a day (probably non-sequential days) until all are covered. Maybe Y/you will consider writing Y/your own responses in a journal so Y/you can periodically review to see how Y/you have grown or changed.  

If You are a Top/Dom/Master it is possible to rework the questions to reflect Your perspective.

Day 1: Do you view your submission as; Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, DD/lg; or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?

13 January 2017 – i view my submission as a Dom/sub. i proudly say i am a sub, bottom, boy! i take great pleasure in calling other Men, SIR…even if they are bottoms. One night i called a boy Sir, and he quickly said, “oh, i’m not a Sir.” But i still think of him as a Sir every time I see him now. i even call young men Sir if i think they could be Dominant. Saying a lot is a verbal way of expressing my submissive nature.

Day 2: Describe who you might submit to and how.

14 January 2017 – The  Man i might submit to would be mature and rugged looking, bearded, and extremely self assured.  He would live and exude His Dominance.  He would be borderline aggressive in His dealings, interactions, and expectations of His submissive.  He is kind, compassionate, & passionate sexually and in His lifestyle.  Being a service oriented sub my role would be to maintain order in the household, provide assistance with His day to day chores and needs by making calls, answering phones, writing letters, organizing His office and paperwork, running errands, doing his laundry, laying out His clothes, assisting Him with dressing, chauffeuring Him to wherever He needs to go, preparing and serving Him meals, providing foot rubs, massages, and presenting & serving Him a cocktail after His day at work.  

That’s probably a fairly comprehensive list of chores i could do to provide service a Dom

Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom?

Exclusively a submissive, gay, bottom boy in life, love, and sex. No compromises

Day 3: How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive?
Day 4: Do you switch into a dominant role at any time?
Day 5: Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you?
Have you been in more than one D/s relationship?
How were they the same? How were they different?
Day 6: What do you feel are the roots of your submission?
Do you think it has something to do with childhood?
Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline?
Is it a sexual thrill or something else?
Day 7: Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it?
Day 8: Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?
Day 9: Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?
Day 10: Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships?
How do you feel about BDSM?
Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?
Day 11: Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission?
How do you define service?
What does it mean to you?
If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?
Day 12: Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself?
If no, is there a particular reason why?
Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission?
Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?
Day 13: Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission?
Why or why not?
Are there limits to this?
Day 14: Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit?
If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?
Day 15: Has your submission evolved over time?
If so, how has it evolved for you?
If not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?
Day 16: Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships?
If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?
Day 17: What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?
Day 18: Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?
Day 19: How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?
Day 20: Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?
Day 21: Is there a physical position that makes you feel most submissive?
Day 22: Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?
Day 23: Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?
Day 24: What are the emotions that most directly let you access submission? What feelings do they inspire?
Day 25: Are there items, objects or rituals that represent or help you express submission? If not, have you ever thought of adding or being gifted one? Is there a special significance to these objects or rituals?
Day 26: What are the qualities you seek in a dominant partner and why? Are some qualities deal-breakers as in “must” haves or “must not” have?
Day 27: Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?
Day 28: Has your submission ever let you down? Have you ever been criticized for your submission? Have you ever regretted being or feeling submissive in a moment or in a relationship? Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and how did you handle your submission going forward from that?
Day 29: Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?
Day 30: Is your need to submit being met?
If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your submission in the way that feels best to you again?
What makes submission special to you?
thanks for reading,

boy stray 

30 Days to Define your Kink as a submissive 

i saw these questions on another blog ( http://collaredmom.com/define-your-kink) and thought it would interesting to respond to one question a day (probably non-sequential days) until all are covered.  Maybe Y/you will consider writing Y/your own responses in a journal so Y/you can periodically review to see how Y/you have grown or changed.  

If You are a Top/Dom/Master it is possible to rework the questions to reflect Your perspective.
Day 1: Do you view your submission as; Taken in Hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, master/slave, owner/pet, DD/lg; or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?

13 January 2017 – i view my submission as a Dom/sub.  i proudly say i am a sub, bottom, boy!  i take great pleasure in calling other Men, SIR…even if they are bottoms.  One night i called a boy Sir, and he quickly said, “oh, i’m not a Sir.”  But i still think of him as a Sir every time I see him now.  i even call young men Sir if i think they could be Dominant.  Saying a lot is a verbal way of expressing my submissive nature.
Day 2: Describe who you might submit to and how.

Are you exclusively submissive in marriage or just in the bedroom?

Day 3: How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive?

Day 4: Do you switch into a dominant role at any time?

Day 5: Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you?

Have you been in more than one D/s relationship?

How were they the same? How were they different?

Day 6: What do you feel are the roots of your submission?

Do you think it has something to do with childhood?

Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline?

Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

Day 7: Do you accept and/or expect discipline or punishments as a part of your submission? How do you feel about it?

Day 8: Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?

Day 9: Do you accept and/or expect structure, rules and limits as a part of your submission? How do you feel about them?

Day 10: Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships?

How do you feel about BDSM?

Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?

Day 11: Do you include service as a part of your expectations of your submission?

How do you define service?

What does it mean to you?

If not, what is it about the concept of service that is not for you?

Day 12: Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself?

If no, is there a particular reason why?

Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission?

Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?

Day 13: Is sexual availability, being available to your partner any time he or she wants, part of your submission?

Why or why not?

Are there limits to this?

Day 14: Does religion have any bearing on your decision to submit?

If not, are you familiar with religious based submission and do you view it as similar to other types of submission or dissimilar?

Day 15: Has your submission evolved over time?

If so, how has it evolved for you?

If not (or if you are just starting out) how might you see or imagine it evolving in the future?

Day 16: Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships?

If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?

Day 17: What does trust mean to you in the context of submission?

Day 18: Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?

Day 19: How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?

Day 20: Has your submission increased or decreased over time? Have you ever had to renegotiate your submission due to a change in your feelings or circumstance?

Day 21: Is there a physical position that makes you feel most submissive?

Day 22: Can you feel submissive without a dominant partner? If so, how does your submission express itself? If not, how do you handle your submission or submissive feelings?

Day 23: Is there anything about submission (yours or what you see in others) that you question, dislike or repels you? Was there a time you questioned or were resistant to your own submissive feelings?

Day 24: What are the emotions that most directly let you access submission? What feelings do they inspire?

Day 25: Are there items, objects or rituals that represent or help you express submission? If not, have you ever thought of adding or being gifted one? Is there a special significance to these objects or rituals?

Day 26: What are the qualities you seek in a dominant partner and why? Are some qualities deal-breakers as in “must” haves or “must not” have?

Day 27: Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?

Day 28: Has your submission ever let you down? Have you ever been criticized for your submission? Have you ever regretted being or feeling submissive in a moment or in a relationship? Have you ever looked back and realized you made a mistake and how did you handle your submission going forward from that?

Day 29: Is pain or humiliation (spankings for example) a part of your submission? What is your relationship to it? Do you embrace it as a part of your submission, tolerate it as necessary or have some other type of relationship with it?

Day 30: Is your need to submit being met?

If not, or if your situation changed, do you think that you could continue in your life and still be happy/content if you were never able to express your submission in the way that feels best to you again?

What makes submission special to you?

Will, Won’t, or Maybe Mondays

Last week i introduced the idea of reviewing, and hopefully filling out a BDSM Checklist of activities with your Dom of those things you will do, you won’t do at all, and those activities that may be appealing but you’ve never tried before.  He needs to know up front your hard and soft limits.  Hard limit examples might be scat (poop), and should be children and animals; soft limits might be slapping my face hard, meaning light slaps are acceptable.  Everyone has their own preferences and limits.  It behooves all subs and their Doms to know each other’s limits and preferences prior to playing.  you don’t want to be in a scene and find out the Dom really gets off on flogging the shit out of his subs, and you can only tolerate light flogging.  Makes for a bad scene!

This week i wanted to touch on age play, anal sex, and animal play.  

Age Play

Age play usually involves one person in the relationship taking on the role of Daddy and the other as the son.  T/they call each other by those titles.  The interpersonal dynamic can encompass in and/or out of bedroom activities.   The boy may be younger than Daddy, but doesn’t have to be.  The boy is “taken care of” like a father would care for his young son physically, emotionally, and financially, and unlike a father/son relationship the Daddy probably has sex with the “son”.

This is an interesting dynamic that i have done a couple times.  my “Daddy” was only 2 years older than i, and it was purely sexual & a short term play session. It, at least for me, invoked feelings of incest and sexual abuse because of my history.  Most other boys hopefully have no issues similar to mine when they do Daddy/son play.

A more extreme age play involves men identifying with a much younger inner child, called a little. The little may feel they are 4 or 5 years old, or other every young age.  they may incorporate stuffed animals, children’s books and other items of childhood into their play/relationship.  Again the little is cared for and nurtured by the Daddy/Dom.  And there may be a sexual component to the Daddy/boy dynamic.

Another type of age play is infantilism whereby the sub likes or identifies with being a baby.  they may wears diapers, drink from baby bottles, and in other ways become a baby. The diapers may need to be changed and other issues of infant care may be incorporated into the play.

Anal Sex

The next item on the BDSM/Kink activity list is anal sex. This may be listed as kink mostly for our heterosexual friends. i’ve found in my many years in the gay community that anal sex is quite common place and enjoyed by most gay men.  W/we typically may gravitate to one role or the other, as a Top or bottom.  Lots of guys these days list on their profile: versatile or versatile bottom.  my experience has been that those guys probably bottom most if not all the time, and seldom, if ever Top.  

Bottom shaming…i came out at a time when openly identifying as a bottom was looked down upon.  bottoms were thought of as the “feminine” or woman-role in sex.  You never saw bottoms proudly proclaiming their preferred sexual position or role. Tops were thought of as powerful, virile, and probably well hung and vastly experienced in topping.  bottoms were called passive, the polar opposite of Tops who were called Active.  i most often heard anally receptive men being labeled as “just a big ole bottom”.  Or it might be said of them, “You could drive a semi through there” or “you’d need a safety harness to go in there”.  Bottoms were thought of as less  than, not equal to the Top, denigrated for liking to get fucked.

Even bottoms enabled this perception by claiming to be Tops or at least versatile, and then in bed switching to the bottom position. And repeating the negative statements about bottoms even when talking about themselves. Even i wore my key clip in the left back pocket claiming to be a Top.  i was afraid of the judgments and being pigeonholed as a promiscuous, loose assed bottom.   

i came around to being a proud bottom when i internalized the reality that without bottoms, there would be No Tops.  Also i refuted the notion of being a passive participant sexually.  i am a very “active” bottom, and i have been with tons (well, maybe not that many) of passive, dead fish Tops who just want to lay there and be done by the bottom guy.  

So i got off on a tangent.  Anal sex…fun, exciting and for me, a sort of requirement for me to feel like i have really had sex.  

Do:

Clean out thoroughly – no one wants a poop accident while fucking.  Use lots of silicone lube, start slowly, and if you have any pain at all…stop, reposition, add more lube and again start slowly. If no pain, you can really get a good, hard pounding without any damage to your asshole (sphincter).

Don’t:

Continue fucking if you have any pain or bleeding.  Don’t use the enema too close to the time you are going to fuck.  you may expel water or worse.  Makes for a big mess, and the probability of never playing with that Dom again.

Animal Play

Puppy play, pony play, and other types off animal play has grown immensely popular in recent years.  This form of play allows the submissive to assume the persona of the animal.  As in puppy play the boy would likely don a leather puppy mask with ears, leather paws covering the fingers and hands, and possibly an anally inserted tail. The pup would walk around on all four “legs” and emulate the activities and mannerisms of a puppy.  Ponies do likewise.  The pups and ponies will have a handler to guide and assist in getting the pup into proper mindset.  

Never done this, but a bit drawn to being a pup in play.  Explore your own inner animal. Play, get in that mindset.  Get a handler and above all release your inhibitions and have fun.  Maybe one day i’ll join you…

Next week – Anal plugs, Aromas, and Asphyxiation 

Thanks for reading,

boy stray