Plans Gone Awry

my Valentine’s gift to myself this year was to be an encounter, a play session, with a Dom from the Northeast USA. He was coming to my area for a marathon race of some sort. W/we met on recon.com.

W/we wrote and texted for about 5 to 6 weeks planning and anticipating O/our brief time together. W/we exchanged additional photos. And i began to feel trustful…well, as trustful as one can be of an unknown Internet persona.

Anyway, He had assured me He was staying close to the city i live in. However, the Monday before Valentine’s Day He said He was staying in an Air B&B house in a city that was a 45 minute drive away from my home. To say i was disappointed is an understatement. Actually i was pissed.

Because of my current relationship status, and the state of my relationship i do not have hours on end to dedicate to BDSM play. It would be one and a half hours just in travel time. And, He wanted a long, possibly overnight encounter, which i could not possibly do.

i suppose my anger and frustration turned inward because i began to feel ill….like i was coming down with a cold. Coughing. Chills. Body aches. Headache. But, i was still planning to go. We’d arranged for the day after Valentine’s Day for my submission to impact play.

On Valentine’s Day i decided not to go. Mostly, it was the drive. And a bit of trepidation about not really being able to adequately vet an out-of-towner. And a tad of generalized body aches and stiffness making me feel and walk like i was 100 years old.

So, unfortunately i missed Sir using His belt and His computer cord (improvisation since He is travelling) to inflict a mutually satisfying, yet heavy play session.

Am i a scaredy cat? Am i too cautious? Have i watched too many episodes of Criminal Minds? Or should i continue to be careful and try to fully vet a new Dom play partner? Should distance NOT be a factor in considering a play session?

What do Y/you think?

It seems i mostly write about an unsuccessful, unfulfilling BDSM Leather life, but really i think it is an accurate reflection of what most people in the lifestyle go through. i don’t mean to be maudlin or discouraging, but rather to impress upon newbie subs that daily encounters with a vast array of Daddies & Doms is not likely to be the norm.

There is no reason to give up. Do as i do. Get out there. Go to events, dinners, play parties, classes, munches, join organizations, go to Leather bars and other venues. The more you get out there and meet people, and they get to know you, the more likely you are to find play partners, and develop a fulfilling Leather BDSM life.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

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Will, Won’t or Maybe Monday #3

It’s been a very hectic holiday weekend and even today i couldn’t get things done on my To Do list.

However, i do hope you all had a joyous holiday.

It’s late Monday night and i doubt I’ll get this post done in 29 minutes, so it will become a Tuesday post rather than my every Monday post.

The 3 activities for this week’s BDSM checklist are ball stretching, bathroom use control, and beating (soft and hard).

Ball Stretching 

This is an activity i enjoy doing or perhaps i should say try to do.  It can be quite arousing to do this.  It is simple to do and you can get good results in stretching the scrotum with ongoing use of one of the many different styles and weights for ball stretching.  Personally i like my balls to hang lower than they normally do.  i’ve bought maybe 6 different types of stretchers. Wide Leather straps that are put on the ball sack and snapped so it stays in place. There is a similar type that also has a metal ring on the bottom on which a weight can be added. This is done to speed the process and get better results.  There is also a thing called a parachute which is a leather (usually) strap narrow at the top and wider at the bottom.  It has chains on the bottom, again, to which you can add weights.  The leather has 2 or 3 snaps to hold it in place on the scrotum.  They also make metal weights that can be place directly on the scrotum.   One has a powerful magnet that holds the two semi circular parts together.   There is another that actually has a place where the two halves are held together by tightening them together with an Allen wrench or Hex key.

Things to consider: size, time, weight, circulation. 

Size – Y/you want it to be snug enough to stay in place for whatever length of time it will be worn.  A problem i have had was my balls sometimes pull up and one side slides under the strap and the whole thing falls off.  Another consideration is the tightness of the stretcher material.  It MUST NOT be too tight.  It should be snug and stay where you put it but it should not be so tight circulation is hampered or cut off completely. Sizing is critical. 

Time – how long do you want to keep it on each time?  Personally i think they are not meant for prolonged use, so i only keep mine on an hour or two each time i wear it.  i recommend using it as many days each week as you can. Consistent use will stretch Y/you out nicely over a shorter period of time. 

Weight – this is highly important. Weights will add extra pull downward hastening the process of stretching your balls.  However, weight should be added slowly and incrementally.  Most men could not handle going immediately from a 4 oz weight to a full 1 pound weight.  Weight should be added slowly and carefully so as not to injure the balls.

Circulation- before Y/you put the stretching device on Y/your balls feel the skin of your scrotum.   Are they warm or cold.  Are you hanging lower or are Y/your balls pulled up.  A warm shower will cause them to dangle as heat makes them fall away from the body. When Y/you are ready to put it on, first feel Y/your balls to check the temperature.  Do this so Y/you can compare the temperature before you start with temperature while wearing the stretcher device.  If the balls get cold or turn blue, purple or, God forbid, black remove the device immediately.  If they don’t return to normal soon or if they are black or beginning to bruise go to the Emergency Room IMMEDIATELY!

Bathroom Use Control

Never done this and don’t think it is wise if done to the extreme.  The urinary bladder stretches as urine enters it from the kidneys.  The bladder has sensors that give Y/you the urge to pee.  Denial of the need to urinate for long periods of time can damage the bladder by the nerves no longer responding the way they are designed to do.  

This scene has the sub/slave requesting to go to the bathroom.  The Sir or Master can deny the request for any length of time.  As time goes on the bladder fills and stretches to an uncomfortable feeling and even pain. The sub squirms with pain until either given permission to use the restroom or the sub pisses their pants. i tend to drink a lot and pee a lot, so i wouldn’t even agree to this kind of torture.  

Beating

Never done it to the extreme of it being called a beating.   The beating can be accomplished with hands or any other implement the Dom sees fit.  I suppose it is an erotic beating either done softly or hard.  To me the word “beating” sounds hard, harsh, and nonconsensual. i would use words like spanking, flogging, caning, etc. as my preferred methods of discipline or erotic play. As a sub i do not want to be beaten, but love the other choices i just mentioned.

For all play scenes remember the words Safe, Sane, Consensual.   Don’t take unnecessary risks that could permanently damage your body.

Next week i will discuss Being Serviced, Being Biten, and Boot Worship. 

Thanks for reading,

boy stray