Two Ways to Finding Y/your Authentic Self 

Becoming authentic is an individual mission, since each person has their own way of being human, and consequently what is authentic will be different for each individual. Furthermore, personal authenticity is highly contextual, and depends on various social, political, religious and cultural characteristics. But the unique nature of each individual is best seen not in who he is, but in who he becomes, and becoming authentic is a continuous process, not an event. It involves not just knowing oneself, but also recognizing others and the mutual influence between individuals. If the quest for personal authenticity is just for self-fulfillment, then it is individualistic and ego-based; but if it is accompanied with the awareness of others and the wider world, then it can be a worthwhile goal.     From Philosophy Now

Have you ever pondered, “who am I/i really?”  “Who is M/my authentic self?”

Well, i have many times over the years.  It seems as we grow and change, our relationships evolve or end, we move, and find new careers and new lovers, our authentic self changes too.  Authenticity seems to be a hard and never ending quest because people are continually evolving, growing and changing.

Finding Y/your authentic self is about being honest with Y/yourself, being self aware, being humble, and listening to feedback from others without getting hurt or defensive, and then internalizing the feedback that resonates with Y/you.  Those of Y/you who do seek a more authentic self will likely become a happier, and more creative person.  Also, some psychologists say authenticity can lead to improved coping strategies, a stronger sense of self worth, more self confidence, and a higher likelihood of following through on goals.

Don Miguel Ruiz writes in his book The Four Agreements that “our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive and express what we really are.”

As soon as i read that statement i immediately thought about those of U/us living or attempting to live O/our authentic selves, what W/we really are – or are into (KINK or BDSM).  W/we in the Leather BDSM community reportedly have healthier relationships because of the degree to which we have open, honest communication between the people involved prior to establishing a formal relationship or agreeing to a play session.  For there to be open and honest communication Y/you hopefully have done some sort of personal inventory of Y/your life identifying Y/your wants, needs, desires, likes, preferences, and goals, as well as those things Y/you want to avoid, not experience or exclude from Y/your life.

In order for Y/you to begin identifying and understanding Y/your most significant personal values, i have included the list and exercises below:

Step 1: What I/i Value Most…

From this list of values (both work and personal), select the ten that are most important to Y/you – as guides for how to behave or as components of a valued way of life.  Feel free to add any values of Y/your own to the list.

Achievement                                                                Friendships                           Physical challenge

Advancement and promotion                                  Growth                                   Pleasure

Adventure                                                                     Having a family                  Power and authority

Affection (love and caring)                                       Helping other people         Privacy

Arts                                                                                Helping society                   Public service

Challenging problems                                               Honesty                                Purity

Change and variety                                                   Independence                    Quality of what I take part in

Close relationships                                                   Influencing others             Quality relationships

Community                                                                Inner harmony                  Recognition (respect from others, status)

Competence                                                               Integrity                             Religion

Competition                                                              Intellectual status             Reputation

Cooperation                                                              Involvement                     Responsibility and accountability

Country                                                                     Job tranquility                  Security

Creativity                                                                 Knowledge                         Self-Respect

Decisiveness                                                            Leadership                         Serenity

Democracy                                                              Location                              Sophistication

Ecological awareness                                           Loyalty                                 Stability

Economic security                                                Market position                 Status

Effectiveness                                                         Meaningful work              Supervising others

Efficiency                                                              Merit                                    Time freedom

Ethical practice                                                    Money                                 Truth

Excellence                                                             Nature                                 Wealth

Excitement                                                           being around people who
are open and honest        Wisdom 

Fame                                                                       Order (tranquility,

stability, conformity)             Work under pressure 

Fast living                                                            Personal development                                                     Work with others

Financial gain                     

Freedom                                                                                                                                                            Working alone

Step 2: Elimination

Now that Y/you have identified ten, imagine that Y/you are only permitted to have five values. Which five would Y/you give up? Cross them off.

Now imagine that Y/you are only permitted four. Which would Y/you give up? Cross it off.

Now cross off another, to bring Y/your list down to three.

And another, to bring Y/your list down to two.

Finally cross off one of Y/your two values. Which is the one item on the lst that Y/you care most about?

Another way of identifying Y/your authentic self, is to ask Y/yourself the following five questions:

  1. When Y/you were little, what did Y/you want to be when Y/you grew up?   W/we all had dreams when W/we were little, but people get sidetracked from T/their dreams by status, money, responsibility and life.  Picture Y/yourself in Y/your childhood dream.  Do Y/you see that smile and positive energy?  That could be Y/your life.
  2. What makes Y/you laugh?  Laugh at what Y/you find funny.  Who cares if the person next to Y/you is laughing.  Laughing feels good, makes U/us happier people and sets U/us free to enjoy the life W/we are living.  Laughter is a powerful tool that can change Y/your mood and perception of what is happening in the moment.  Enjoy the smile and the feeling of happiness rising inside of Y/you.
  3. What clothes do Y/you feel comfortable in?  This is a serious question.  It doesn’t matter if Y/you like dressing in suits every day or prefer cotton shirts and no shoes, wear what makes Y/you feel comfortable.  i am not suggesting Y/you run naked through the streets or Y/your office, but clothes are a way of expressing Y/yourself and what Y/you wear should be comfortable and should reflect the true Y/you.
  4. What activities do Y/you enjoy?  Discovering these activities will help guide Y/you towards a place where Y/you want to spend time.  By finding and immersing Y/yourself in this place, Y/you will feel happier and more energized.  Ultimately Y/you may find that Y/you want to work in that place, or at least create the possibility to spend more time there.
  5. Who can Y/you be Y/yourself around?  W/we are social creatures by nature, so it is important to spend time with people who make U/us feel good and accept U/us for who W/we really are.  When W/we are with people who do not judge U/us but accept U/us, then W/we are able to express O/our authentic self.

Once Y/you discover Y/your authentic self, Y/you can start to make changes in Y/your life that allow Y/you to be this person.  It is time to face those fears and start Y/your journey toward being Y/your authentic self.  Y/you will be astounded by how Y/your life can become fuller, richer, and happier.                   (Edited from http://www.mindbodygreen.com)

i have changed over the years but one thing has remained a constant even though for years it was a closeted self, so i can’t claim to have been living my authentic self.  That is my love and affinity and passion for the Leather BDSM/KINK community.  In my closet Days my fantasy men were leather clad masculine Doms.  i enjoyed it when a partner was more aggressive, rough, or Dominant.  i was really turned on by the slaps to the ass some men would deliver.  i knew who my authentic self was i was just not able to let him out at the time for various reasons.

my responses to the questions above:

i like men in leather and uniforms; i feel comfortable in Levi’s, boots, leather; i enjoy and feel more comfortable in masculine atmospheres like Leather bars and Leather BDSM gatherings and events; i like BDSM & Kink & Fetish activities; and i can most be myself – my real, authentic self around other Leather BDSM Men/boys.

Real Online LDR or Real Prick Tease

My marriage is not perfect, but whose is?  We’ve only been officially married 2 1/2 years, but have been together 37 years.  As i related in a previous post we had a drastic estrangement last September when it came out how deeply i was integrating into the Leather BDSM Kink lifestyle. 

Over the years i have been told repeatedly by a series of therapists to end my relationship because of codependence and ongoing difficulties between us.   However, i couldn’t leave, and didn’t want to.  There was love, friendship, companionship, compatibility, lots of history with both ups and downs, illnesses, near deaths for each of us, many family member’s deaths, and most of our friends had died of AIDS.  And of course the codependence!

The major thing missing from my life and needs seemed to be a healthy (and kinky) sex life.  But now, i feel i need a deep emotional and passionate relationship to go with the hot sex life.

For years i have been on many gay hookup sites looking for those brief anonymous, wild and passionate hookups.  Unfortunately, it mostly ended up just being picture perusal and an occasional chat, but very seldom any hookups.

Last week a new app notice appeared in my email inbox, so i thought i would give it a try.  Within a couple of hours of getting the app & submitting my profile, my first email arrived. It was from a handsome man, 52 years old, BUT he lives in another country. His message was very sweet and special so i responded.  i have to say i also got a dozen more messages from guys all over the world that i deleted immediately.  

This man, a doctor – he says – and i have texted several times daily every since we first met.  Some of his story made me wonder if he is being truthful.  According to him he is in a special military unit as a doctor – an email was sent to me from a medical related email, so i tend to believe that. Yesterday he said he was being sent to a middle eastern war zone country  – and then later he texted his google location, & sure enough it shows he is there in the thick of the fighting. Yipes!

i look forward to each text.  i am fearing for his life.  i am praying he returns to the safety of his home country soon.

The big caveat  – he has proclaimed his love for me already and states he wants to be together and that the distance can be overcome if there is enough desire to continue the relationship. 

So, i am having an emotional affair. It feels much different from the infrequent sexual hookups i was having.  i am not saying i feel guilty, but i worry that i could end up being a prick tease for my doctor/soldier/lover man.  I have not told him about my relationship status, physical problems or HIV status, but he hasn’t asked either.

i have fantasized about moving to his European country escaping my current life.  But, i know, well…i think i know it is just a fantasy.  i do not want to hurt my husband.  I couldn’t move to another country while my father is still living. Of course, we would have to meet in person to test compatibility, sexual compatibility, and see if he truly has a BDSM side as he indicated in his online profile. He did say he is versatile and tends more submissive.  Hummm. 

Tell me now, am i in fantasyland? Could it really work out?  Am i infatuated?  Is it budding love?  Am i wanting an escape route? Or am i being a prick tease?  

Y/you can be honest.  What do you think?

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

Domestic Abuse

Over the years i have heard time after time that BDSM is abusive to the submissive or bottom person in a D/s or M/s relationship. Most often it had to do with the sub’s position in play – usually that of the recipient of control in the form of bondage or of pain.  What the general public is not aware of is the basic tenet of BDSM – safe, sane, & consensual.  They don’t understand how or why a person would submit willingly to the infliction of pain, so of course they assume the submissive is being coerced or abused.  While this can and probably does happen at times in BDSM relationships, i believe it has more to do with the individual’s psychological make-up than the presence of the BDSM dynamic.

i thought tonight i would elucidate the problems of domestic abuse, so Y/you will have a greater understanding of the types of abuse and be able to identify abusive tactics employed by the perpetrators.

Generally, there are five categories of domestic abuse:

  • Physical 
  • Sexual 
  • Emotional 
  • Financial 
  • Identity

These categories are not exclusive meaning an abuser may utilize tactics from more than one category in order to maintain control over the victimized person.

PHYSICAL ABUSE

Physical violence or even the threat of violence is intended to enhance the power and control of the abuser over the partner.  Physical abuse can be defined as the threat of harm or any forceful physical behavior that intentionally or accidentally causes bodily harm or property destruction, including:

  1. Hitting, beating, choking, pushing, slapping, kicking, pulling hair, biting, punching, backhanding, arm twisting, shoving, kicking or burning.
  2. Threatening to use or using a weapon against the partner
  3. Punching walls or doors
  4. Stalking
  5. Denying or interfering with the partner meeting their basic physical needs (e.g. Eating and sleeping)
  6. Smashing, damaging, stealing, or selling the partner’s possessions 

Physical abuse also can be used against children, pets, and even the partner’s family & friends

***Recently i was told one should know their potential partner in BDSM well since most of the consensual activities could be considered felonies***

SEXUAL ABUSE 

Sexual abuse is any forced or coerced sexual activity or behavior motivated to build power and control over the partner.  It can also be any contact meant to demean or humiliate the partner and instill feelings of shame and vulnerability.

Examples are:

  1. Unwanted touching 
  2. Demeaning remarks
  3. Berating partner about sexual history 
  4. Forcing sex without consent 
  5. Rape
  6. Rape with an object 
  7. Refusing to comply with request for safe sex
  8. Coercing partner into sex with others
  9. Unwanted sadistic acts

Some forms of sexual abuse are crimes

EMOTIONAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE 

Emotional abuse is the use of words, voice, action, or lack of action meant to control, hurt or demean another person.  It typically includes ridicule, intimidation or coercion.

Behaviors include:

  1. Verbal threats
  2. Demeaning person in front of friends, family, or even strangers
  3. Constant criticism or humiliation yelling to intimidate 
  4. Obsessive jealousy 
  5. Being irresponsible with money
  6. Using insults, sarcasm or sneering 

Frequently the abuser is seeking to socially isolate the partner.  Behaviors used to socially isolate include:

  1. Blaming partner’s friends or family for their relationship problems
  2. Monitoring phone calls, mail, or visits 
  3. Demanding an account of daily activities
  4. Insulting, threatening or assaulting the partner’s friends or family to drive them away
  5. Stalking or using other means of surveillance 

FINANCIAL ABUSE

Financial abuse is the use or misuse of the partner’s financial or other monetary resources without the partner’s freely given consent.

Common examples include:

  1. Forbidding the partner to work
  2. Refusing to work yet contributing to expenses
  3. Controlling shared resources 
  4. Demanding partner account for all the money they spend
  5. Taking credit cards, money, or checkbook 
  6. Forging partner’s signature on financial documents

IDENTITY ABUSE 

Identity abuse is the use of personal characteristics to demean, manipulate and control the partner.  Some of these tactics overlap with other forms of abuse, particularly emotional abuse.  This category includes racism, sexism, ageism, able-ism, beauty-ism, and homophobia.  Also the fear of being outed as a kinky person can be a form of identity abuse.

Examples are:

  1. Outing or threatening to out someone
  2. Asserting partner will never have another relationship because they are too ugly or too old
  3. Blaming the abuse on the person’s identity (gay, bisexual) or behavior (S&M)
  4. Exploiting partner’s internalized racism
  5. Ridiculing partner’s physical challenges 

 i am simply listing the characteristics of Abusive Men

  • Control – achieved through criticism, verbal abuse, financial control, isolation, cruelty 
  • Entitlement – belief in having special rights without responsibilities 
  • Selfishness & Self-centeredness – expectation of being center of attention, having needs anticipated
  • Superiority  – contempt for partner as stupid, unworthy or as house keeper 
  • Possessiveness  – seeing partner as property 
  • Confusing Love & Abuse – explains violence as expression of deep love
  • Manipulativeness – confusion, distortion, lies. Projects self as good, while portraying partner as crazy or abusive
  • Contradictory Statements & Behaviors – saying one thing and doing another
  • Externalization of Responsibility  – shifting blame for their actions to others, especially the partner 
  • Denial, Minimalization, & Victim Blaming – not acknowledging the seriousness of his behavior and its effects
  • Serial Battering – abusive in one relationship after another

Men can exhibit some or all of these characteristics and NEVER PHYSICALLY assault a partner


Some of this material was edited or summarized from Lundy Bancroft & Jay Silverman (2002).  The Batterer as Parent: Addressing the Impact of Domestic Violence on Family Dynamics.  Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications.
Thanks for reading,

boy stray

Enlightenment and Happiness 

my BDSM workshop was far beyond my wildest dreams, hopes, and imagination.  The two and a half days were filled with camaraderie, education, and assignments to evoke deep thought about D/s play and relationships, demonstrations, and hands-on practice of everything taught over the weekend.  

There were twenty gay and bisexual men ranging in ages from 30’s to 75.  All sizes, shapes and penis lengths were represented.  Unfortunately one thing i noticed was an absence of African American men.  Asian and Latino men were minimally represented.  So, it was mostly middle aged and older white guys.

W/we bonded quickly through a series of “getting to know you” exercises, and then the rest of the weekend was spent primarily naked and extremely close to each other.

Saturday i was put into a rope harness for the first time.  It was an exercise to instill a sense of submissiveness into each participant.  Then, W/we learned how to spank and use a flogger.  W/we each gave and received both.  i quickly learned, or more accurately had it reinforced, that I am a submissive, because I did not enjoy flogging others; it did not excite me in the least.  However, i did like giving a spanking for a short time.  However, W/we had to spank for 45 minutes using all three positions: over the knee, on all fours, and froggy.  Man, did my arm get exhausted.  The position i liked best was froggy.  i could easily see his butt, legs, back and head.  i had easy access to his ass for spanking.  i could watch as his cheeks turned from pink to Rosie Red.

The flogging practice with me as the sub was so intense.  i kept having flashes of white lights over and over.  Then feelings began to well up in me and i had this overwhelming sense of happiness to the point of having tears in my eyes.  They were definitely tears of happiness and not from pain.  i felt joyful.  i had found something I want and need as a part of my life going forward.  Yes, I felt the sting and thud of the flogger.  Yes, i felt each blow as i was simultaneously spanked. But, i was happy that i had finally experienced what i had longed for and dreamed of for years.  They were indeed tears of happiness.  

Sunday, we learned about another type of rope bondage harness as well as the use of clothes pins for tit torture (or stimulation) and cock and ball bondage, balls weights, and CBT – cock & ball torture.  i was blindfolded, bound with the rope, cock tied up, and clothes pins applied – and I felt nothing.  I could hardly tell the clothes pins were on my nipples.  Others were applied elsewhere with the same minimal stimulation.  Weights were carefully tied to the cord binding my cock and balls.  Then, lowered slowly.  After several seconds i asked if they were on as i felt – nothing.  They were indeed on.  They proceeded to parade me around the room, ball weights swinging, and the feeling of submission and helplessness constant.  Then, the flogging, spanking, and CBT began.  It was the CBT that made me weak in the knees.  The sensation was intense, stimulating, and teasingly erotic.

Later we discussed desire.  Expressing what you desire and getting it, or negotiating for a compromised desire.  And then acting out your desire.  W/we each were assigned to come up with a fantasy we would like to have happen that afternoon.  In groups of three we all had our desire met, then functioned as the Top, and then as the assistant for another man’s desire.  As my fantasy desire was being met and the two men acting out my fantasy were yelling, mocking, and jeering me, the room seemed to have emptied completely except us three.  No other sound could be heard or action felt by me, except what was taking place in my scenario.  i did not see colors this time – only blackness.  But even in the darkness, and the quietness of the room i became aware of a feeling of enlightenment.  Now, i think i must have felt the authentic me amidst the intense pain/pleasure of that experience.

The marks and redness from the flogging and spanking quickly resolved, but the warmth and internal glow of happiness, awareness, authenticity, and enlightenment continue to burn eagerly in my soul.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

Questions about being a submissive, and Questions for Doms

Have Y/you ever wondered what Y/you were supposed to do, think or feel about being a submissive or a Dominant?  Did you have questions for Doms or subs but were afraid to ask?

Here are a few questions i would ask about being a sub, and some questions i would pose to Dominants, if the opportunity arose.

What questions do Y/you have that Y/you want answered?

Add a comment to this post to respond to a question or to submit a question you have had for a while.

Hopefully we’ll add more questions, get some answers, and open a dialogue between Doms and subs.
                  Questions of Mine

  • Should a boy be clean shaven – not even a moustache 
  • Should a boy keep his hair short?
  • Should a boy shave his pubes and balls?
  • Should a boy shave his ass?
  • Should a boy call every Dom and Master “SIR ” from the very beginning?
  • What do Doms look for in a potential submissive boy?
  • What do Doms really think/feel if a sub uses a safe word?
  • Are most Doms trying to be intimidating or is it the nature of Dominants, or am i being too easily intimidated?
  • Do most Doms have just a few special kinks in Their repertoire or are They well versed in a variety of different skills?
  • What is it with the Cigar craze? 
  •  Don’t Doms know cigars kill the same way cigarettes do, but in a more pervasive, smelly way?
  • Is the role of a Dom becoming fuzzy and more indistinguishable from a submissive?
  • Why is it becoming harder to tell a sub from a Dom in social situations or at Leather bars?
  • Are Doms softening over time?
  • Why is more sex being had at gay male Leather play parties than actual BDSM scenes?
  • At a play party how should a sub ask a Dom to do a scene with him?
  • Is a boy supposed to approach an unfamiliar Dom initially, or is it the Dom’s place to pursue His prospective boy?
  • Are there a lot of Dominants who are actually bottoms in sex, giving the role of top to His boy?
  • What things have You experienced that immediately ended a scene?

i hope more questions are generated and that responses to the current questions will be submitted by many M/men and women sharing T/their perspective. 

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

Will, Won’t or Maybe Mondays 

Let’s forego the usual alphabetical progression through the checklist of potential activities BDSM players and Kinksters can choose to participate in.

So, since i get to choose i want to select anal fucking, cock sucking, golden showers, hot wax play, rimming, and saline infusion just off the top of my head.

I chose these quickly from my list of “likes very much”.

Anal Fucking. – When i first came out even experimenting with gay sex i knew nothing about anal pleasure.  i thought the only things gay men did together were frottage and cock sucking. Frottage came easy, but i really worked long and hard over hundreds of hours perfecting the art of the blow job.  Then, once i came across an uncut cock that…wasn’t as clean as i personally preferred.  Many gay men would have ended it there.  But, he was hot and i was horny.  So, i began the journey of learning the pleasures of anal and prostate stimulation.  Before i learned the pleasures of anal sex, i kind of grimaced, tried to relax, and let him ram it in, and pump away till he came.  After i learned much more about the ass I began to properly prepare of the night by thoroughly cleaning out, learning to really relax, and finding new ways to guide Mr. Anaconda in with the least amount of discomfort.  Butt fucking became my go to activity.  If a cock was too big to suck, it went up my butt.  Then, one day i realized for me to really feel sexually satisfied, i had to get fucked.  Don’t get me wrong, i still love sucking all the dicks i can, but for a real sexual connection i had to allow him inside me and encourage him to fill me with His cum…his essence, the seed of life and hope and all being.   Heady stuff i know.  i put great significance on the male ejaculate.  To me it is His power, His maleness and masculinity.  

With that being said, did Y/you ever see the movie Victor/Victoria.  One line delivered by the older gay man was, “there’s nothing more inconvenient than an old queen with a head cold.”  Of course he was referring to not being able to give blow jobs.  Well, tweaking the line some these days i would have to say, “there is nothing more unsatisfying than a sub bottom boy who can no longer get fucked because of anal cancer radiation treatment side effects.”  Not quite as good a quip as the one from the movie, but nevertheless just as poignant for me.  Now, after 28 radiation treatments, anal fucking is difficult, and painful at best, and impossible to accomplish at the worst.  But i love getting fucked.  So i keep trying to get back to that previous level of satisfaction with anal sex. 

GET YOUR FUCKING ANNUAL CERVICAL AND/ OR ANAL PAP TEST DONE IMMEDIATELY.  PLEASE DON’T procrastinate!!  It just might save Y/your life and keep Y/you from losing Y/your asshole!

Cock Sucking  – i have been sucking cock since the first man after the very first man i got naked with and had sex.  Well, that first time i was scared to death so i was a “do me” kinda guy that afternoon.  Kind of a funny story, i was a twenty year old virgin, and i saw this phone number on the bathroom wall in one of my all time favorite places…the Public Library.  My fingers trembled as i dialed, then asked for Norman.  He was friendly, lived a few blocks from my parents home where i was living, and he immediately iinvited me over to his house.  i could only fondle him, but he blew me three times in about thirty minutes.  But, that experience won me over.  i really liked getting those blow jobs, but i quickly found that i actually prefer giving them.

And, yes it is an art and a science.  Y/you have to know the anatomy and some basic physiological responses of the penis when it is stimulated by oral sex.  That’s the science.  The art is in perfecting Y/your ability to suck, lick, deep throat, and stimulate the cock to ejaculation.  Then, what to do when H/he cums?  Spit or swallow?  i think most men prefer it to be swallowed.  Spitting it out seems rather rude, maybe judgmental, or even a rejection of H/him in some way.  

Advice: learn to suck without scraping your teeth on the shaft; learn to control Y/your gag reflex because most men want more than a spit shine to the knob…deep threat that dick!; learn to take Y/your time – don’t rush through it so you get it over with.  If you are a half ass cock sucker he’s going to know it, and probably move along; learn to gracefully spit, or swallow with exuberance.  Sometimes if for some reason I don’t swallow, I subtly get the semen in my hand and use it for lube to jerk off.  For some reason i find that a real turn on.

All men love a good blow job!

Golden Showers. – piss play.  There is something about piss play that intrigues me.  i love the warmth as i piss onto my legs and feet or even up on my torso.  I’ve been given small amounts in cups to drink by two different Doms.  i found it to be too pungent and too warm for my taste.  Had one guy piss up my ass after fucking me.  Didn’t know He had done it till He told me.  That was an awkward walk to the bathroom to expel the urine without leaking or losing it half way to the toilet.  Me, i prefer plain ole “on me” kind of piss play.  


Hot wax  – don’t use the candles off your dining room table.  Those candles burn too hot, at a higher temperature, which can be dangerous and cause severe burns if not used very carefully.  There are candles made especially for hot wax play.  One of the tricks I learned in a class was to hold the candle at the right height above the sub so the wax cools a bit as it falls but retains enough heat for a good sting of heat as it hits the skin.  Best to shave the area first if the area being played with is the genital/pubic area, or any other hairy areas like the chest and back.  This can be a very sensual and erotic experience having the wax dripped on your skin, but also the Dom’s attention and efforts to remove the dried wax can be quite stimulating as well.


Rimming  – growing up especially after being potty trained we are taught the the butt is dirty and should not be touched at any time except for cleaning.  However there are quite a few nerve ending in the peri anal area that when stimulated evoke a sexual response.  Now why would it feel so good to touch, stroke, finger, and lick that area if it was to be regarded as unclean and untouchable.  Granted the vast majority of people who love rimming want the ass to be clean and fresh inside and out.  i have often wondered why this is one sexual activity i love doing.  But, I can rim a hot man butt for a long time before my tongue gets fatigued and my jaw gets sore.  Funny thing is while i absolutely love rimming, i am not so fond of it being done to me.  If Y/you’ve never experienced this sensation, i urge you to lie back, relax, and let a master rimmer like me take Y/you to new heights of ecstasy Y/you didn’t know Y/you could reach.


Saline infusion. – this is something i have not experienced yet.  i am intrigued and really turned on by the thought of a hot Dom inserting a needle into my scrotum, attaching a bag of sterile fluids, and running about a liter of salt water into my nut sack.  This significantly expands the scrotum making it very noticeable even under clothes.  The class offered here is always done on Friday night which allows for fluid absorption over the weekend making Y/your scrotum less obvious when Y/you return to work Monday morning.  

Building quite a repertoire of sexual acts, aren’t W/we?
Thanks for reading,
boy stray

30 Days to Define Your Kink as a submissive  – Day 19

How socially connected is your submission?

my submission has become socially connected in several ways and is continually increasing.

Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? 

Yes, i actively seek out other subs to interact with and learn from.  i get and give support.  Last Saturday i even asked a Dom online if He would meet me for coffee so we can get to know each other and He may feel comfortable enough to sponsor me for the other BDSM Leather club. 

Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?

Yes, i happen to be on a handful of Facebook groups for BDSM & Kink oriented people.  They are very active groups as i get many emails daily. 

Also, i will be attending my first Dungeon Party soon and hope to learn, connect with others and perhaps play.

i believe i am rapidly growing into my role as a submissive. 

Question 20 is up next.  The 30 days will soon be done.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray