Low T and me

i have low T – low Testosterone levels.  

Testosterone is a male sex hormone that is produced in the testes.  It is responsible for giving men their secondary sex characteristics, like hair under the arms, pubic hair, facial hair, etc.  It also allows men to increase muscle mass & develop semen.  It increases a man’s pride and self esteem.  And it counters depression and erectile dysfunction.

For many years i have used topical testosterone replacement therapy.  First, there was a cloth patch that had to be placed on the scrotum for the medication to be absorbed.  Then, there was one you rubbed on Y/your stomach and let dry before dressing.  Then, i was switched to a newer one that was applied under the arms.  It was a thin liquid pumped into a rubber cup provided in the top.  The order was for one pump under each arm.  Well, i thought if one pump was good, three would be better.  So, i was taking three pumps under each arm for about four or five years.  But man was it messy!

However, i regrew hair under my arms!  Hallelujah!  i was ecstatic.  i finally was feeling like a real man again.  But, my dick was getting weaker, and less firm with each passing year.  Loss of muscle mass.  Changes in mood.  Changes in self esteem.  Low sex drive.  But the limp dick was the thing that makes me cry!  i was always driven by my dick.  i got hard if the wind blow a certain way or if a hot man just touched me or even gave me “the look”.

i cycled through all the ED pills.  Vitamin V/the blue pill/Viagra worked the best.  Cialis gave me excruciatingly painful backaches.  i wasn’t able to sit or lay down.  i could only stand, but even then the pain remained intense and unrelieved by even the strongest pain medication.  Then, the pills stopped working.  I graduated, unfortunately, to TriMix injections.  For those of you unfamiliar with that, it is a shot that you give yourself in your dick!  You aim straight in to the side at the base, inject, and Voila in a couple minutes you have a nice hard dick.  Downside – you have to know you are about to have sex; you have to stop foreplay to get, prepare and inject the shot, and then, you have about one hour before time runs out and deflation sets in.  And as with the pills if the erection lasts more than four hours you must see a doctor immediately to obtain treatment to prevent possible permanent injury to your dick.

ED causes depression, low self esteem, and in my case decreased feeling of manhood/masculinity, insecurities, decreased feeling of attractiveness.  Even as i write this i get tears in my eyes.  It causes great sadness.  Gay Men DO NOT want people especially other men to know they “can’t get it up.”  I had sex twice (with different guys) where my shot only produced a bright red chubby.  No hardon!  Both guys said, “I wish you could get hard!”  That only put more pressure and insecurity and embarrassment on me.

i told my urologist i occasionally get nocturnal wood (nighttime erections), but not when i need one.  So, he thought there was a psychological component to the ED.  i saw a sex therapist.  No hardon!  i got erotic massages.  No hardon!  i went to sexual workshops, including the BDSM one written about in a previous post.  No hardon!  i sought out a Sacred Intimate to work with me on the problem.  No hardon!  i went to a few ED doctor’s offices to learn about the Priapus shot.  Too expensive!

i turned to a men’s clinic that treats ED and low T.  One of them injects small pellets of testosterone that slowly absorbs over four to five months.  The other just did shots in the butt.  Both were very expensive!  However, the second one i went to did an in office testosterone level.  It came back at 35.  Normal is 250 to 1100.  He said it was the lowest he’d ever seen.

So, i turned to my HIV doctor.  He repeated the testosterone level.  This time it was 56.  i immediately started Testosterone Cypionate 100 mg IM to be administered weekly.  Funny thing, within 20 minutes of getting the shot i developed two itchy  welts on my arm and one on my thigh.  i called the doctor’s office and left a message.  But, before I could take Benadryl they were gone.  Maybe a reaction to the cottonseed oil it is mixed in.  We’ll see if i have anaphylaxis on Thursday.  Still no hardon!  

i think that is the whole reason i didn’t enjoy my free weekend.

If you learn only one thing from my story it should be to Get Y/your testosterone level checked especially if you are over forty years old.

Thanks for reading, and wish me luck on Thursday 

boy stray

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