Enlightenment and Happiness 

my BDSM workshop was far beyond my wildest dreams, hopes, and imagination.  The two and a half days were filled with camaraderie, education, and assignments to evoke deep thought about D/s play and relationships, demonstrations, and hands-on practice of everything taught over the weekend.  

There were twenty gay and bisexual men ranging in ages from 30’s to 75.  All sizes, shapes and penis lengths were represented.  Unfortunately one thing i noticed was an absence of African American men.  Asian and Latino men were minimally represented.  So, it was mostly middle aged and older white guys.

W/we bonded quickly through a series of “getting to know you” exercises, and then the rest of the weekend was spent primarily naked and extremely close to each other.

Saturday i was put into a rope harness for the first time.  It was an exercise to instill a sense of submissiveness into each participant.  Then, W/we learned how to spank and use a flogger.  W/we each gave and received both.  i quickly learned, or more accurately had it reinforced, that I am a submissive, because I did not enjoy flogging others; it did not excite me in the least.  However, i did like giving a spanking for a short time.  However, W/we had to spank for 45 minutes using all three positions: over the knee, on all fours, and froggy.  Man, did my arm get exhausted.  The position i liked best was froggy.  i could easily see his butt, legs, back and head.  i had easy access to his ass for spanking.  i could watch as his cheeks turned from pink to Rosie Red.

The flogging practice with me as the sub was so intense.  i kept having flashes of white lights over and over.  Then feelings began to well up in me and i had this overwhelming sense of happiness to the point of having tears in my eyes.  They were definitely tears of happiness and not from pain.  i felt joyful.  i had found something I want and need as a part of my life going forward.  Yes, I felt the sting and thud of the flogger.  Yes, i felt each blow as i was simultaneously spanked. But, i was happy that i had finally experienced what i had longed for and dreamed of for years.  They were indeed tears of happiness.  

Sunday, we learned about another type of rope bondage harness as well as the use of clothes pins for tit torture (or stimulation) and cock and ball bondage, balls weights, and CBT – cock & ball torture.  i was blindfolded, bound with the rope, cock tied up, and clothes pins applied – and I felt nothing.  I could hardly tell the clothes pins were on my nipples.  Others were applied elsewhere with the same minimal stimulation.  Weights were carefully tied to the cord binding my cock and balls.  Then, lowered slowly.  After several seconds i asked if they were on as i felt – nothing.  They were indeed on.  They proceeded to parade me around the room, ball weights swinging, and the feeling of submission and helplessness constant.  Then, the flogging, spanking, and CBT began.  It was the CBT that made me weak in the knees.  The sensation was intense, stimulating, and teasingly erotic.

Later we discussed desire.  Expressing what you desire and getting it, or negotiating for a compromised desire.  And then acting out your desire.  W/we each were assigned to come up with a fantasy we would like to have happen that afternoon.  In groups of three we all had our desire met, then functioned as the Top, and then as the assistant for another man’s desire.  As my fantasy desire was being met and the two men acting out my fantasy were yelling, mocking, and jeering me, the room seemed to have emptied completely except us three.  No other sound could be heard or action felt by me, except what was taking place in my scenario.  i did not see colors this time – only blackness.  But even in the darkness, and the quietness of the room i became aware of a feeling of enlightenment.  Now, i think i must have felt the authentic me amidst the intense pain/pleasure of that experience.

The marks and redness from the flogging and spanking quickly resolved, but the warmth and internal glow of happiness, awareness, authenticity, and enlightenment continue to burn eagerly in my soul.

Thanks for reading,

boy stray

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