I read a lot of profiles online of Men/boys seeking BDSM connections. Most of the profiles are submitted by submissives and in my opinion are usually asking a Master/Dom to use them, abuse them, & tie them up, or they are seeking a “rape ” scene which is often a gang rape fantasy.
Sometimes i even fall into that mindset of just wanting a big burly Dom to use and abuse me as well. But it hasn’t happened yet. my online profile was previously all about what the Dom could do to meet my sexual needs and to play out my BDSM fantasies and desires. Luckily i’ve known a Dom for about two years who i asked to read my profile. He provided truthful and constructive criticism, and gave me suggestions on making improvements to the profile to show that i am a service oriented submissive, who seeks to provide services outside of the dungeon, as well as working to meet HIS needs…not mine! Also i was told to share information about who i am outside of the Leather community
i thought long and hard about my skills, experiences, work history and all other aspects of my life that might benefit a Dom. i rewrote my profile to include a little about me as a person and then i detailed what this submissive could offer a Dom. Since i loathe housekeeping that was not an offered service. But i was able to include organizing His home or office, caring for His leather, cleaning and putting His toys back where they belong. And, i offered to run errands for Him. The opportunity to provide other services was left open for discussion.
When a submissive tells a Dominant what he wants or needs or expects to happen is in the relationship or a one time BDSM play scene is in effect Topping from the bottom. This has become so prevalent that it has become a real problem. It is discussed in meetings, online, in books, and in magazine articles. There are many submissive wannabes out there thinking, they, as a bottom want all these kinky things done to them. So, when they find themselves in a play situation they begin telling the Dominant what to do and how to do it….”flog me, beat me, bite me, fuck me, spank me…fuck me!”
Some subs coming out now may think that is the way it is…that a bottom or true submissive is supposed to tell the Dom in a scene what he wants. Doms often comply. They may not know how or want to exert Their power and Dominance in the relationship or in just a one time scene with some random sub They met online.
THIS IS THE REASON i Am a staunch advocate for developing MENTORSHIPS in the BDSM Community.
W/we need to welcome and nurture new Men/boys into the BDSM Leather community. T/they need, and most likely want to be guided, supported, educated and brought into the Leather community to become fully integrated as an experienced, educated, and competent Dom or sub.
In a mentoring program, the M/mentor should:
- Share T/their personal journey & history
- Provide information about the history of BDSM and Leather community
- Teach about Old Guard Leather and how it is changing
- Teach about an appropriate “mindset” for the role in which T/they see T/themselves
- Discuss and assist in learning about & purchasing those items such as Leather boots, belts, pants, vest and anything else T/they will need to overtly exhibit T/their Dominance or submissiveness
- Discuss the concept of earning your Leather and what every item signifies as they prepare for T/their life in Leather
- Require the mentee to read appropriate books and articles & to give a report to the mentor on each one
- Require the mentee to keep a daily journal of thoughts, experiences and questions that will be reviewed by the mentor
- Network the community with the mentee introducing H/him to a variety of other people
- Assist T/them in examining T/their desires
- Help T/them to learn how to find, approach, and negotiate a hot scene with someone
- Provide checklists of activities that are to be discussed with a play partner prior to a session beginning
- Determine the frequency of face to face meetings based on the knowledge and experience of the M/mentee
- Discuss the boy’s Bill of Rights & provide a copy
- Discuss Leather Protocols
- Assist with developing or editing an online profile
This sounds like a lot of time and energy is invested in the mentoring of another person. And it probably is, but wouldn’t Y/you have wanted the kind of guidance and education that you as an experienced Dom or sub can now share with a fledgling Dom or sub trying to find T/their way?
Come on Men/boys you can do this! Y/you should do this!
Develop a Leather BDSM, Kink & Fetish mentoring program in Y/your communities!
Doms…subs…L/leaders of Leather communities, THIS IS A CHALLENGE TO YOU ALL.
One last thing. i started a Meetup on Meetup .com for Men/boys who want another opportunity to meet and socialize. Also through the Meetup i hope to develop a mentoring program here in Fort Lauderdale. Contact me if you want more information.
Let me hear from you.
Thanks for reading,