From my somewhat limited experience and observation it is my opinion that some degree of ageism exists in the gay BDSM community. I say this as a mature, meaning older, gay man who is in the process of coming out and trying to fit into the Leather BDSM/Kink world located in South Florida.
Much of my experience has been in cruising an extremely popular app & online BDSM/Kink dating site that at any given time has approximately 900 active Florida members. By reading the profiles you will notice that many Dominants list an upper age limit on the boys with whom they would consider developing a relationship or even having as a play partner. And this age limitation seems to come mostly from the older, more mature Dominants on the site. So far I don’t think I’ve seen any profiles written by submissives that list an upper age limit of the Dominants with whom they would hookup.
The plight of the ageing Dom is quite different from the sub. On the same app/website mentioned above, and from general observations at any Leather bar, you can easily see that bottoms/subs/boys greatly outnumber Dominants. Older Dominants seem to be revered, idolized, and sought after by submissive boys for their experience, knowledge, and prowess at the fine art of using the boy for their mutual gratification. Mature submissives appear to be thought of as being less physically or sexually attractive. Older boys may be thought of as being fragile and easily “broken” because of bone or joint issues. Perhaps the butt isn’t as bubble-ish.
Now, I am not saying that as one ages they maintain the flexibility of a twenty year old or that they will retain their youthful looks and smooth skin, or that health issues will not be a cause of concern. But most of the health and mobility issues with which a mature submissive lives can be worked around and dealt with easily. It behooves all of us to expand our ideas of attractiveness, and stop using that tired expression, “you’re not my ‘type‘.”
So what if a 60-year-old man who is a submissive can’t as easily get up from a sitting position on the floor as he once could. Either don’t put him in that position or make sure there is an assistive device such as a chair or stool nearby for him to use to get up. Or, even a hand from the Dominant to help the submissive up would be great gesture of acceptance as well. Mature submissives can engage in bondage and other Kink activities if the Dominant keeps in mind that extremities may get fatigued a bit more easily and that joints may not be as flexible as they once were. Moreover, pain tolerance should not unduly be effected by age.
So, all this boy is asking for is a little consideration, a lot of care and compassion, and the consistent inclusion of older submissive boys in Your list of potential play partners.
This post may generate positive feedback from other, older subs like me, and some negative feedback may be posted as well. i hope so on both counts. It could mean the beginning of an internal conversation in each reader that may lead to an increased dialogue in the greater community about age, inclusion, judgmentalism, body shaming, and the elusive quest for the Tom of Finland image of the ideal Dominant man…and youthful, submissive bottom boy.
Please let me hear your take on the subject.